The clash of two worlds
by nair4ever
Summary: Moving to another city,another school and another life circle is a lot to handle when you're a 17 years old fragile girl. Blair experienced all of those things,luckily she found someone to help her out with it and stepped in to a world she never imagined herself belonging to. Follows highschool and college. Pairings: Dair,Serenate and main Nair
1. A change would do you good

Hey guys, as promised I'm here with a new Nair story, unlike my others this will concentrate more on their highschool and college lives. I hope you'll like it.

Side note: all of the characters like Blair's parents an all look the same as in the show, and for her sister, well I imagine her somehow like Cobie Smulders, it came to me cause I named her Robin and her and Blair do kind of look alike so there. And also her new house is the usuall Waldorf brownstone

I don't own the characters or songs used, just the ideas.

Song: A change would do you good, Sheryl Crow

* * *

I've been thinking 'bout catching a train  
Leave my phone machine by the radar range  
Hello it's me, I'm not at home  
If you'd like to reach me, leave me alone

A change would do you good  
A change would do you good

* * *

''We're almost here'' her mother squealed excitedly

''Hereeee!'' her five year old pain in the ass of a sister repeated

''Yay'' she muttered sarcastically

She cursed her parents quietly for doing this to her, all of this wouldn't happen if they just stayed where they were. Florida. Not to get her wrong, she loathed New York, she knew it almost as good as Miami for that matter. Her grandparents were here so she visited at least five times a year and they already had a house up there where they went for Christmas and other holidays, but she could never even imagine living here.

Especially not going to this high classy ass school of St. Judes. She didn't even know anyone and of course everyone was looking at her like she was some kind of a freak. What else could you expect when you move schools the third year of high school in the middle of the semester. Awesome.

She didn't even have a say in this actually. Her father got a great opportunity to work up here for the New York Times (he was a columnist) and her mother took this movement to New York to be a great chance for her to finally expand her line of clothes to the big city like she always wanted to. With the extra money they would have now that her dad was going to work for the NYT this was possible.

They never had any money problems though; they were high class, but not the snobby ones, so Blair and her sisters learned to be humble.

It was a decision made 80% by her parents and the other 20% by Robin, her and Yale didn't have any sayings in this one. Well Yale is only 5 for that matter but Blair is 17, turning 18 in 4 months, the fifth of June to be exact. Of course no one would listen to her when her 20 years old sister, who was attending NYU was so much smarter.

They figured nothing was holding them attached to Florida anymore. Her sister was already in New York so they could see her far more often and she could move back "home". Yale was too young anyways to have any attachments, it was better to move now then when she grows up a bit and finds real friends.

As for Blair, they always said she was the adventurous one, who was not afraid to take a risk.

She thought so also, but all of this was too much even for her. She had attachments. She had her friends there, her high school, she had a summer job as a Friday night singer at this awesome Miami beach bar where kids her age hang out. She had her singing quire.

Singing was always her passion, and although her parents wanted her to go to NYU like Robin, she wanted to attend Julliard. It was just a fantasy though. She had a voice but she never saw herself as being good enough for a heavenly school like that.

''Blair do you intend to just stay here and sit or are you going to carry some of your bags'' her annoyed mother spoke nudging her

''Coming right up''

The only consolation she had from all of this was the house before her, the only familiar thing in all of this. She grabbed her Louis Vuitton bag and took her neatly folded Victoria's secret zebra blanket dragging herself up the stairs.

Coming inside she was greeted by the familiar Chanel and marshmallows scented hug.

''Oh Robin, I missed you so much'' she squealed, she really did, Robin truly was her best friend and they shared a sacred sister bond no amount of anger or jealously between the two could break

''Look at you, I haven't seen you in just 4 months and you look like a woman already, come one, let me help you unpack, we're gonna be roommates again'' she rambled excitedly like a five year old, speaking of

''I wanna roommate'' a disappointed Yale winced running in after them, dragging her favourite dolly Audrey (Blair's idea) behind her

Everyone laughed amused with the adorable little one

''You're too young now sweety, besides they will only share a room till we get Blair's room all done and decorated, then you can bug her and be her roommate'' Eleanor spoke down to her daughter earning a glare of Blair's

''Sure'' Blair replied sarcastically

''Yale, Blair won't have a place for a roommate once all of the NY boys get on her case and decide to serenade her'' Robin cut in earning a glare of Howards, Blair just shook her head

''How bout we just drag my stuff up there, huh Roro?''

* * *

''And then he told me that if I won't pass that pointless algebra test he'll take away my limo''

''Oh you poor little thing'' she muttered to herself in mockery

''Umm excuse me?'' the obviously spoiled little miss Blondie bitch ( politely put by Blair) talked back. Blair shook her head and dropped her mouth not sure of what to say.

''Nothing'' she muttered and quickly removed herself from the situation, she could hear the blondie and her friends already grudging against her though.

It's third period now. And you literally don't have any idea where the hell you are or where you should go.

''Third floor, classroom number 137-'' she muttered again staring blankly at her schedule, her eyes going wild trying to find that damn classroom. ''There's no effin room 137 up here, gosh''

* * *

Son of a bitch. He was late for what? The third time this day? Luck was definitely not following him today, he couldn't imagine things going for worse now.

At least he had musical education and singing class now, usually any other day that would make his day in an instant, but it wasn't working now. It was only a reminder of all the fighting he had done this morning with his father over what school is the best for him, Yale or Dartmouth, Julliard wasn't even an option. For a politician to have a son who wouldn't continue his steps and who chose music and dance over it, was not an option on the UES. At least his mom was supporting him, either that or she just didn't care like usually.

And then there was Serena. His girlfriend of 5 months now, it was great in the beginning, but now he was starting to doubt their relationship a bit. It all started two weeks ago when he realized they actually had nothing in common.

He agreed to date her cause she was one of the prettiest girl's he's ever seen and they've hung out in the same company, he always had a little crush on her, but that was it. There wasn't a bond between them, there never was. It started bothering him. Not her though, the only thing Serena currently cared about was her nail polish matching the shirt she was wearing, and it started to annoy him.

She was also on board for him to attend Yale. Of course only because she was going there. She said it would be bad for their reputation to separate after graduation cause it would start a lot of rumors of them breaking up. That's what started their fight today.

And now because of it he was late again. He reached for his cell to see what amount of time did actually miss when he bumped in to her

''Sorry…I….'' his voice dropped as he saw the most beautiful girl he has ever seen in his almost 18 years of being.

Blair took the schedule she dropped and faced a pair of the bluest eyes ever. Wow. And not only his eyes, his…well whole him. She realized she was ogling and tried to get herself to say a syllable or two maybe. It was mission impossible while he was looking at her with those eyes.

''Ummm. Yeah. I mean….sorry too.'' Much better, now she sounded like a complete idiot. The smile he gave her melted all her thoughts away and literally turned her legs to jelly. Screw Florida, as long as there are guys as hot as this one up in here, she was on solid ground.

She mirrored his smile and they just stood there, checking one another like waiting to see who will set who on fire first. Unfortunately someone broke their shameless eye-flirting all too soon for their taste

''Excuse me! Class has started 10 minutes ago'' an awfully annoying professor with an equally annoying voice cut in

They both shook their heads and she looked away while he nudged himself and went around her towards his classroom sending one more generous smile before he left, paralyzing her with his charm.

Oh she was definitely starting to like this school.

* * *

So what do you think? Would you like me to continue?


	2. Blood turning to gelatine

Hey my awesome Nair fans, since you spoke and said you liked the story it continues. I hope my writing has improved and you can enjoy it properly, I made an effort, at least with my grammar (Let's just forget about my first fanfic since that was a grammar nazi gold mine xD) Anyhow,here it goes

I do not own the characters or songs used, obviously, although I wish I owned Chace Crawford (yum) and of course Leighton ;))

Song: Kylie Minogue, Can't get you out of my head

She just stood there star struck to be exact. Come one Blair, this is just another cute boy, she has seen a bunch in her life time. That was just another pretty face.

Oh crap, she was late for what now? 15 minutes? Great first day, all because of a guy, a very cute one. For whatever reason she just couldn't get him off of her mind.

_I just can't get you out of my head__  
__Boy, your lovin' is all I think about__  
__I just can't get you out of my head__  
__Boy, it's more than I dare to think about_

Finally, she spotted her classroom and prayed to heavens that the professor wasn't inside. No such luck. She came inside and immediately earned all eyes of the class glued to her. A teacher yelling at her on her first day was definitely not what she needed.

Lucky for her he was kinder than the others she had experiences with at this school and just smiled

''Come in. I wish you were the only one late, there's still about two people missing…everyone-'' oh God, not again, what she hated the most were the introductions, she just stood there like a complete looser while the professor was blabbering about her and making her say something about her, herself. ''-this is Blair Waldorf. I'm Professor Clarke. You'll get to know all this people time by time, we've got work to do-'' thanks God ''-why don't take a seat next to…hmmm…oh mister Archibald''

She immediately took a deep breath turning around to see what kind of a pot head or spoiled brat she got to seat with and literally almost fainted when she saw him.

The heavenly eyes guy. Oh God, oh God. Don't just stand here and stare at him again, go. Well he certainly got her attention, she wasn't the only one ogling again though, he looked at her again with the same surprise, and Blair would dare to think he was actually checking her out.

She couldn't help but smile, it was impossible next to him. She just shifted her gaze, trying to look nonchalant while she was burning inside.

She didn't even bother to look around and check her other classmates when the only one she cared about was sitting mere inches to her and it was driving her insane.

Well the day has taken another direction obviously. First he couldn't get her out of his mind, now he was sitting next to her. And she still looked as amazing as the first time, only now he actually got the chance to look her over…and he liked what he was seeing.

For God's sake Nate, control your hormones, you have a girlfriend, you have a girlfriend, you have a….

''So class, we're going to concentrate on classical music today, Vivaldi, Mozart, Beethoven…'' the teacher started rambling on. You try to concentrate but it's impossible while her presence is so close to you. Then she pushes her rich shiny locks of hair behind her and smashes you with an intoxicating scent of chocolate, roses and all kinds of sexy. So you can't hold it in any longer

''I know we've kind of met earlier-'' he started with that husky hushed voice of his (they were in class after all) and she immediately turned towards him, sending him a little smile ''-but just to make it official, I'm Nate Archibald''

She shook his hand and smiled even more, how could she not, he was even more gorgeous sitting so close to her ''I'm Blair…as you heard-'' they both smiled ''nice to meet you Nate''

''So I guess this isn't your favorite and most interesting class'' she asked him, it was a conversation starter, now that she heard his voice once; she wanted to hear him talk again and again and again. He smiled adorably to her again

''Why would you think that?'' he asked back, amused

''Well…I can hardly imagine a guy who likes music that much and is actually interested in all of this stuff, it would be too…perfect'' he was perfect without that, it would be a bonus though

''What if I told you I actually enjoy it'' a big bonus

''I wouldn't believe you-'' she replied playfully when professor Clarke cut in

''So on that matter, Nate you'll inform miss Waldorf about our extracurricular activities and singing/arts classes after school won't you-'' Nate just smiled amused watching her obviously surprised reaction seeing he wasn't joking ''-Nathanial is one of our best singers, definitely Julliard material and a little birdie told me you can sing to Blair, so you can help her out''

Nate shoot her another triumphant smile and his next movement turned not only her legs in jelly but every fricking cell in her body to it. He threw his arm around her and rubbed her arm up and down playfully

''Don't worry,I'll show you everything'' he said even more playfully and now Blair could swear he was flirting with her. Just then the bell rang and he swiftly got up and left the classroom leaving her glued to her seat star struck for the second time today.

She showed her belongings back in her bag and left the classroom last.

She just about walked out when ''Class is over, where are you rushing?''

She turned around, mentally preparing herself for the whole blood turning to gelatin and brain freezing and butterflies. It was worse than she imagined, not him, her reaction. He was casually leaning against the bright wall that was positioned right next to the door of the room. The outdoors light made his bone structure even more astonishing and she sworn that if he would continue to do this to her for the rest of the day, she would have a heart attack.

''Well you obviously aren't'' she replied and decided to play it cool like he did. You can do it Blair, if there's anything Robin taught her it were the _play it cool and you will rule _and _it's all about the teasing, not about the pleasing _rules.

She turned around and left him hanging this time. It wasn't going to stop him though. He knew that he had a girlfriend who could appear out of nowhere any second and caught him flirting shamelessly with this gorgeous creature, he knew they weren't alone and his lacrosse buddies and Serena's minions were around them, he just didn't care at the moment.

He went after her and finally caught her step. They didn't look at each other, they both knew the other was there, it was an interesting game they were playing.

''Well I promised to introduce you to our extracurriculars and it would be really rude not to'' he teased

''I'm sure of it'' she smiled amused with him. Of course she would agree on it, it would mean spending more time with him and that was everything she wanted right now. Her happiness would soon start to fade

''Who is Nate talking to?'' Penelope asked her best friend

Serena turned her attention from her Seventeen issue to Penelope immediately

''What are you applying to?''

Penelope just swayed her head to the direction Nate and Blair were currently standing. She could see her friend's bubbly state instantly turn to jealousy and pure jealousy only. She stood up throwing her magazine to Penelope's lap and heading towards them.

She knew the movements and that smile Nate was using on that girl, she knew all too well he was flirting. He used to smile at her like that. This bitch was no competition to her, she would end it while it's still fresh.

''So are you fre-'' just as he was about to finally ask her out to "show her around" the worst possible thing happened.

Blair stood and stared in disbelief when a blonde chick came up to Nate and shamelessly kissed him right in front of her, like she was claiming him.

She didn't even know why but she felt like she was going to cry. She knew it was all too good. She shifted uncomfortably and they finally broke.

Nate frowned a bit and seriously despised Serena in that moment. Blair's mood changed immediately.

''Umm-'' he started but Serena cut him off

''Hey sweety, who's your friend?'' she asked sending a sickly sweet smile in Blair's direction, the one that told her _you are dead to me _

''That's Blair-'' he started and of course Serena cut him off again

''Nice to meet you, I'm Serena, Nate's girlfriend'' Nate wanted to tell her to go to hell right now, he felt like a complete asshole also, he shouldn't have lead Blair on like that, or he could've at least told her about Serena

''Oh great-'' she looked over at Nate, her mouth in a straight line, no smile for him this time, not after this ''-I'd love to talk but I've got to go'' she said and turned around, going away as fast as she could. Her eyes were already tearing up. And why the hell was that happening? It's not like they had a bond or something, he was just a boy she met…just a boy.

''Blair wait-'' he wanted after her but then remembered Serena

''Where are you going?'' she asked in her bitchy tone

''Nowhere, just forget it''

* * *

And you shouldn't forget to review, xo L.


	3. Stupid girl

Chapter three is finally here. I do my best to update these things as soon as possible I promise, I'll try to write more during the weekends but if you want a good quality chapter you can't just blabber something up, and I want to work with good quality.

So here goes your weekly dose of Nair…

I do not own the characters or songs used, I only own the ideas

* * *

She was still super upset about what she has just witnessed. She'd like to pretend it didn't matter but-

''Hey, you're Blair Waldorf?'' a girl dressed from head to toe in Chanel and curly dark hair approached

''Umm yeah'' she just replied and continued walking, the girl following her

''I'm Penelope, nice to meet you'' she shook her hand and looked up to her

''Nice to meet you too'' she said more of a question, why was this Penelope girl even talking to her?

''I saw you with Nate Archibald earlier-'' of course, that's why

''-yeah well we just shared the same class, that's it'' she said casually and ended it, she definitely wasn't in the mood to talk about him now and be reminded of that blond chick showing her tongue down his throat

''Oh honey, it's never just "it" with Nate. I mean….it was obvious he was checking you out'' it came out kind of poisonous. Blair shook her head and rolled her eyes

''I doubt it''

''I don't. Anyhow I didn't come here to gossip about Nate, I came here to warn you'' Penelope said and Blair stopped

''Excuse me?'' what the hell

''Nate's a bit of a….how do you call it? A playboy, you're not his first victim. You know he has a girlfriend, it's pretty serious, he loves her. He just likes to play around and make girls feel very special by flirting and offering them a "showing around " tour. Don't be fooled, he's just trying to get in to your Victoria secret panties and then never to speak to you again''

Blair was on the verge of her tears now. She really thought he was different, he seemed like it, but then again he was really smooth with her, too smooth. And then it came to her, the showing around tour and everything this girl said, Nate was playing her.

''Thanks for warning me'' she muttered coldly and left

''Oh nothing to thank me about'' she muttered and took out her Iphone dialing Serena

''Hello'' she answered sweetly but there was more poison in that voice than sugar, far more poison

''I did it'' Penelope said simply

''Really?'' she asked interested ''How did she react?''

''Well she played it kind of cool but you could see the bitch was on the verge'' she laughed in mockery

''Hah, well at least now she'll know once and for all not to get involve or for that matter talk to my boyfriend''

''Sure… but seriously S, were you that threatened by the girl that you had to do all of thi-''

''She's zero to me!'' she replied angrily ''I just wanted to be sure'' a quiet pause ''Are you sure she believed?''

''Oh she bought it alright, that thing with the showing around an flirting got to her, wait…how did you even know about that?''

''I saw them after school. What's with the 50 questions? I gotta go, Nate's coming to talk about something''

''Don't do anything I wouldn't'' Penelope finished

''Oh honey, you're not smart enough to do half of the things I can''

* * *

''Hey we were just about to-'' and then you smash the door in all of their faces cause you just want to burry yourself in to the ground and never be found.

''Blair? What the heck was that?'' of course why would you have a minute alone ''Why did you lock yourself? Come on'' and her sister just won't give up cause that's just her perky self

''Leave me alone, everyone….I just….I need a moment, okay?'' she yelled against her soft tiffany blue pillow and it came out as murmuring

''Blair come and play. Audvey wants to play tea time'' and of course her younger sister would appear with a demand like that. She could hear Robin sending little Yale back to her room and knocked again

''Is it cause of a boy?'' she asked kind of quietly. Just as she was about to send her…."away" another helpful persona joined the scene in the production of "Let's all violate Blair's privacy" starring yours truly Blair Waldorf and her currently annoying family members.

''A boy? Already?'' her dad asked cynically

''Dad it's kind of private, go'' Robin sent him away

''You know this is my room too-''

''-JUST FIVE MINUTES! THAT'S ALL I'M ASKING FOR. Please….'' She yelled this time not against her pillow. She could hear her sister dramatically breathing out and turning on her heals to go away. Finally

She got up to put her ipod to shuffle and start undressing. Pink's "Stupid girl" came up for some reason. How ironic, it was exactly how she felt.

She huffed and switched to another song

_I don't know what it is__  
__that makes me feel like this__  
__I don't know who you are__  
__But you must be some kind of superstar__  
__'Cause you got all eyes on you no matter where you are__  
__You just make me want to play_

What the hell. Was Universe like playing with her ipod and all? She just breathed out heavily and decided to let it slide. She still felt like a complete moron.

To think that a hot guy like that would actually like her for her plain self. Of course he wanted only one thing. And she was stupid enough to buy it. She was pretty sure that with that smile and the way he was watching her she would definitely gotten loose and let him in her pants, which girl wouldn't?

Thinking of that made her feel even more stupid. It's not like she was a virgin or anything, but sex was a bigger deal for a girl than for a guy, it was based on feelings, unless you were a hussy, which Blair wasn't.

Gosh, her life was already messed up as hell, she didn't need this. All of this movement stuff and new school was stressful enough. She knew just what she needed.

She needed to sort her life out and set her priorities straight.

She took out a rose scented paper from her Juicy couture notebook and made a list of her dos and don'ts

To do:

-Concentrate on school and finish the year with an A average point

- Practice singing every day till you can hit the high F and be perfect

-Forget about Nate Archibald and his ravishing stare and perfect ocean eyes

Not to do:

-Give up on your Julliard dream

-Let Nate in your pants

-Break under pressure and have a "Britney with the umbrella" moment

* * *

''You said you wanted to talk'' he asked immediately as he entered her room, he was still pissed about that scene she played off in front of Blair and…. Oh God, Blair. It's been exactly 3 hours and 24 minutes now from the time he met her, and how does he know that? 'Cause he can't stop thinking about her. He just needed to talk to someone but there was no one he could explain those feelings to. He couldn't talk about it to any of his friends cause they were all basically Serena's army, not to mention her minions who would get it out his lacrosse buddies in a second. He couldn't talk to Chuck cause he was stoned most of the time and probably nailing a hooker at the moment.

And it's not like he could just talk to Serena about it. "Hey there's this girl that I fell for like crazy and I can't stop thinking about her even though I have a girlfriend which is you" is not a good conversation starter. Yet she called him and told him there was something important she wanted to talk about, maybe, just maybe she decided to support him and be a good and encouraging girlfriend he wanted and he could forget about the gorgeous brunette and her doe eyes and everything would be normal again.

No such luck.

She was waiting on her bed covered with a sheer black robe and he could suppose there was slutty lingerie underneath that, the old Nate would just go for it, but not this time. He wasn't the same. He matured a lot unlike his girlfriend who was still on to "slutting around and partying" page.

''Oh, hey Natie-'' she got up and wrapped her arms around him while he just stood still, his hands still in his pockets. She leaned and kissed him. He wanted to feel those old sparks and excitement, he really did, but unfortunately nothing came out. He was waiting for her to finally figure it out though.

''What's wrong?'' she asked when she finally pulled back

''I… what did you want to talk to me about?''

''Well…. I talked to my dad and told him about going to Yale and everything. And he went to a meeting with headmistress Queller, anyhow I told him that he has to put in a good voice for me…and well not only for me-'' he stepped back a bit, here she starts again '' and she told him that we don't have to worry about anything, we're in'' she excitedly spoke and took his hands but he took them back

''What do you mean by "we"?" he asked although he already knew

''Well you and me, isn't that amazing'' she squealed

''No'' he yelled slightly ''Serena, I told you, I don't want to go to Yale''

She just stared at him with a blank face

''What are you saying-'' she started and he couldn't keep it in any longer

''I'm saying that I want to break up''

* * *

Please leave a review and let me know what you think and if you want me to continue, xo L.


	4. Hey there,Blair?

I am really excited about this story and I see that you guys like it so that's just more inspiration for me. Here you go, enjoy and of course review

I don't own any characters or songs, just the ideas

Song: Hey there Delilah

* * *

''What?'' she asked as if she was shocked, she probably was. He didn't mean to sound that harsh but there was no other way. It was better to do it now then torture himself with Serena any longer and with that ruin his chances with Blair. That was also a thing he decided on the spot. He will try something with Blair.

For once he's found a girl that's intrigued him after spending less than an hour with him.

He didn't like Serena that much, not half as much and he dated her for 5 months, why wouldn't he try it with the ''girl of his dreams'' then?

''I said I want to break up. Don't act surprised, you knew this was coming'' he had a point, they were pretty distant since last month, well he was distant, she was possessive.

''Umm no I didn't. I thought you loved me'' that was a huge thing to say, at this point Nate wasn't even sure he liked her, let along loved her

''S don't make this any harder on any of us, it feels over. Let's be real here, we didn't have a sacred bond or something-''

She laughed sarcastically ''-we didn't have a bond….'' She repeated ''Why?''

''What do you mean why?'' he asked confused by her sudden question

''Why do you want to break up all of a sudden?'' it couldn't have anything to do with that new girl she saw him with today, no, Nate wouldn't pick that one over Serena, no one would, right?

'' I'm just doing what I should have done a month ago'' he said honestly, she frowned ''You know what, I know it sounds harsh but I don't even feel sorry. That's what the whole point's about, I should at least feel guilt or sadness, I just feel free instead. You wanted to own me and I don't want to be owned'' _by you_

''So that's how things are?''

''Yeah, I'm afraid'' he turned around to leave when she stopped him with her last question

''So since we're totally honest here, you won't mind answering this to me, you owe me at least that-'' he turned around to face her '' Is there someone else?''

He had no intention to lie and well it wasn't official but "love" never was, there was someone, someone he couldn't take of his mind since he first saw her, who moved him further than Serena ever would

''Yes. I like someone else'' and with that he left

* * *

''Hey Blair'' a male voice called out to her. It better not be some punk asking her to go to the stupid pool party again, the one Serena was having tonight. She had no cravings to go there and then sit in a corner while some drunk slime is hanging all over her, and watch Serena dry hump Nate in front of her. No thanks. Luckily this time it was professor Clarke

''Yes Mr. Clarke?'' she turned around to talk to him

''Listen, I know you said you're not interested in vocal practice and honestly I don't know why-'' it was 'cause of Nate, she found out Nate was attending vocal practice and in order to keep on with her plan, which was to avoid him, she decided she would find another quire or something to practice singing at. ''-but it's a real shame; you didn't even saw our auditorium. I would just hate for you to waste that talent for stupid reasons'' he looked down at her expectantly. She breathed out and shook her head lightly

''Well at least I could go and check the auditorium out'' she smiled hoping she could get rid of him now

''Great, see you at class'' her stomach did flips at the reminder of how she would have to seat next to him for an hour in a bit. It's been a week and she did her best to avoid him, it was really hard considering they shared 5 classes together. But this one was different; she had to sit right next to him.

Maybe she could ditch and use the auditorium as an excuse. Yes, it would be perfect, Clarke wanted her to go and check it anyways

''Hey Mr. Clarke'' she ran a bit to catch up with him, he turned around

''Yes?''

''Ummm…would you mind if I used today's music class to go and check the auditorium, it's just that my parents have a lot of work and I have to babysit to my younger sister later so I won't have the chance to go and practice later and I really have a craving for it now'' yeah it was a lousy lie but he would bite it, he had to

''Oh, well I don't mind, if it's just this one class, enjoy yourself'' he smiled and went inside the school

''Thank you'' she yelled after and smiled in victory

She went inside and a few minutes of search after she finally found it.

She frowned in surprise. The auditorium was amazing. It felt like a real Broadway stage. She walked down the rows of rouge colored chairs and finally reached the stage.

She was about to climb up when someone started singing in an angelic voice and startled her. She didn't realize she wasn't alone.

''Hey there Delilah  
Don't you worry about the distance  
I'm right there if you get lonely  
Give this song another listen  
Close your eyes  
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise  
I'm by your side''

There was a guy sitting on a stool which was turned in an opposite direction from her so the person couldn't see her too. He was playing his guitar and singing Hey there Delilah, one of Blair's favorite.

He looked extremely familiar. Of course. It was Nate. And he sang better then she could imagine.

''Oh it's what you do to me  
Oh it's what you do to me''

She felt like he hypnotized her, she sat in one of the chairs and continued to stare at him in awe. She should have probably left but something was keeping her there. So she just sat, sat and listened

''Hey there -'' and he stopped suddenly, realizing he wasn't alone. ''-Blair?''

He got off of the stool and turned towards her. She realized he caught her watching him and she frowned a bit, not knowing what to do now. Should she just keep quiet or just leave. No that would be stupid. And should-

Gosh his eyes, again. Not only that, he simply walked over closer to the edge of stage, so now he was standing in front of her. He smiled at her, that heartwarming smile giving her chills again.

Come on Nate, this is your chance. You're finally alone with her.

''So you're stalking me now, you want an autograph or something?'' he teased her, sending her that sexy smile again

She shook her head and rolled her eyes.

''Oh sure, my room is filled with your pictures, you're all I think about'' well at least half of that was true. He laughed and hopped of the stage

''Why aren't you in class?'' he asked, his voice husky like usual again

''I could ask you the same question'' she said and got up, turning on her heels

''Where are you going?''

The way he said it made her stop. He said it like he didn't want her to leave, at all, like he wanted to keep her there with him. Little did she know it was absolutely true.

''Why do you want to know?'' she wasn't going to give in just like that

He ignored her and asked something else instead

''Are you coming to the party tonight?'' his hopes were up for her to come, it was his big chance to finally talk to her in a casual surrounding, get to know her and hopefully get her to like him. 'Cause he liked her, a lot. Blair was the first girl he has ever met that didn't hang all over him and actually showed any further interest in him, that was the main reason he wanted to get through her. She was so independent and somehow strong, like she didn't need him. He wanted her, badly

''No'' she replied kind of harshly. She was acting this way towards him only 'cause she was still pretty pissed of him for what have happened last week.

''Why?'' she had to come, she just did

''Why would I? To go there and watch drunk idiots throw themselves in the pool or play beer pong, no thanks. I feel like my IQ would drop if I would to accept any of those guys' proposals to go.'' Bam, right in the spot, she had to make him suffer a bit.

''I see'' so there were other guys, of course there were, she was fricking gorgeous.

She was probably delusional but she could swear she heard jealousy in his tone. She was kind of proud of herself and her ability to make him jealous, if she even did.

''Yeah'' she turned around. He knew it was probably stupid for wanting to make this happen so much but what the hell, she was worth it.

''Are you threatened by other girls?'' if she would sting so would he

''Excuse me?'' she turned back around with an angry look on her face.

''Well…'' he acted casual, like he didn't care ''-I asked if you're not coming to the party 'cause you're scared of Serena and her squad and what they'll say to or about you?'' right in the nerve

She laughed sarcastically

''So you're saying I'm afraid of you? You're her boyfriend and her squad right, you are implying that I care of what you think'' now she was getting angry ''Fine, you know what, see you there, we'll see how much I care about your opinion'' she said and left

He didn't even have a chance to reply, this didn't turn out like it should, it came out as if he was better than her or something. Crap. Well at least she was coming. Okay concentrate Nate.

He took a long walk home to decide exactly what he wanted to do. He would try and talk to her, and apologize. Then he would tell her he broke up with Serena, they would talk then and get to know each other and everything would be great and she would be his by the end of month. If only… well at least he could get everything else done.

* * *

Blair came home and rushed to her room like always, shutting the door fiercely and scaring the crap out of everyone.

She stood in front of her closet and tried to decide of what to wear to this thing. She couldn't do this alone

''Rooooobin'' she called out in hope to get some assistance

''What?'' she barged in

''I need your help'' she admitted

''Speak'' she told her simply and leaned on the cream colored wall

''There's a party, a pool party. And there's a…..well-'' she hesitated

''There's a guy who needs to be blown away'' she concluded

''No, you don't understand. He needs to be blooooooooown awaaaaaay. Like bam'' she explained and both of them laughed

''Well at least you have a sun tan and a body to die for'' it was true, Miami beach did her well and although she never gave herself credit for it, she was hot, like really hot. Apparently everyone but her could see it. ''-so we have no problem with that…now we need to find you a super hot dress and then make up and then….oh gosh. How much time do we have?''

''Oh, like 2 hours, it starts at 8''

''Great, 3 hours then''

Blair looked at her cynically

''Oh my innocent B, you said you want to blow them away. You need to get everyone's attention, what a better way to do that than to be the last one to come, like a frickin' diva''

''Whatever you say''

Two and a half hours later, one waterproof mascara, half a bottle of lip gloss which she licked of anyways and she was ready. She stepped in front of a floor length mirror to check herself out and frowned lightly. She looked…hot. That was definitely what she wanted.

* * *

''Seriously Jess look at her, that bikini is so last year'' Serena and a bunch of her minions sat in a Jacuzzi criticizing most of the girls that passed by. Serena was distracted of course. Nate was here, the same one that broke up with her a week ago. She still could not believe that.

''What's on your mind S?'' Penelope asked

''None of your business'' she replied being the bitch she was ''That new hussy better not show up tonight'' all of the girls shared looks, Hazel spoke

''Well if she does, we'll give her a show'' the girls laughed and clinked their champagne glasses.

''What the hell dude? You're watching that entrance like you're expecting for God to come through it'' Chuck observed watching his friend

''Oh-'' he laughed ''It's nothing, just…'' and then she came.

It all looked like a movie scene. Everyone stopped whatever they were doing and only had eyes for the gorgeous creature that walked in.

She left every guy mouth opened and every girl jealous out of her mind, wearing her strapless little black dress that complimented her curves in the best possible way. Half of her hair was at her side and the other half was falling freely down her back which was bare. Her black Louboutin sandals only made her toned legs longer. Literally every guy that was there stared at her in awe, including the one she wanted to captivate.

Well this will be a fun night.

* * *

Next part is the party starring a very furious S, a very flirty and captivated Nate and a very very hot Blair. Don't forget to review ;D


	5. Two strangers learn to fall in love

The update is finally here. I had lots of studying going on so my days basically went like this: get up, school, eat, read Nair, try to write Nair, fail, eat, cry after Nair, study, read Nair, try to write it again, succeed a bit, study, eat, go to sleep.

I've been wrapped up in my little Nair bubble and I have no intention at all to go out of it.

Also, I wish some of you would write Nair too, the lack of NB fanfics this year is obvious, and even though I have no intention to stop writing my Nair it would be nice if I could read someone else's ;D

Enjoy!

I do not own any characters or songs used

Songs: Faithfully

* * *

Well that was unexpected. She wasn't sure how to react exactly. The good thing was that everyone and she meant everyone noticed her (including the person she wanted to). The bad thing was that everyone noticed her! Everyone was staring. It's okay Blair, put it together, you look hot, like super hot, your dress is amazing, your hair and make-up are fab, all you need to do is walk down with an attitude and completely ignore Nate.

Game on.

She walked slowly down the stairs, continuing to captivate every single guy. She was kind of flattered, and kind of grossed out; I mean half of the guys were practically humping her in their mind right now, the other half were drooling.

She continued down and went for the bar. She walked passed Nate barely sparing him a look, looking like she didn't give a damn if he was there or not. She had to toy with him a bit, he toyed with her.

She sat down on one of the tall bar chairs and ordered a Cosmo, she was feeling kind of fancy and flirty right now.

She wasn't alone for a long time. The minute she ordered, a bunch of guys she recognized from school were already all around her, offering to buy her drinks, flirting shamelessly, complimenting her.

She just smiled teasingly at them and sipped on her cocktail. Chatting and joking around with them. She always liked male company more anyways. She could already feel the hate those jealous bimbo's were sending in her direction. She didn't care at all, she was having fun, that's all that mattered….well, one more thing….or person did too.

If Nate didn't want her before (which he did) he definitely wanted her now. He was still trying to recover from the shock of seeing her all dressed up in an outfit that so got the best of her. He knew she was hot, but he had no idea how hot she really was.

That was not his biggest concern tonight though, there was already a bunch of guys all around her and he didn't like it one bit.

He put his gin and tonic down and inhaled deeply.

Blair was on her second Cosmopolitan by now. She needed liquor courage to let herself down completely like Robin said she should. If she was all herself right now, she would have noticed a long time ago that the bar counter was covered in spilled alcohol or that the guys that surrounded her were already drunk as hell and only got eyes for her badonka-donk (politely put by one of them). She just didn't care about all of those things now.

She was here to prove a point. And what was that exactly? Oh right, something about making Nate jealous or being pissed at him for…something. The alcohol was reaching her head and she couldn't think straight. That's what she wanted, right? Not to think.

She was about to stand up and walk around a bit to get away from the alcohol and the buzzing party and collect her thoughts… when she felt a warm hand against her back

''I thought you were to fancy for this kind of party''

She took a deep breath and turned around, she couldn't pretend she haven't noticed him now. And gosh, he was gorgeous.

''I told you, I am not afraid of anyone, nor do I care about your opinion'' and she calmly turned back towards the bar, her mouth stretched into a playful smile.

He took a seat next to her. So they just sat there, one to another. Their arms "accidentally" touching now and then.

All of the guys that previously surrounded Blair disappeared the moment Nate came, they knew they had no chance next to him.

He ordered Absolute vodka and downed it all at once before turning towards her. She sensed his movements and did the same.

He tried his best to keep eye contact but it was mission impossible with the dress she was wearing. She caught him staring and raised an eyebrow. She took another deep breath trying to compose herself from grabbing him then and there and doing something unlady like.

Nate finally broke the "eye contact" he kept with her bosom and derail all his senses to her face. It was the first time he really got a chance to see her up close. He wouldn't deny the fact that he always stared at her whenever they were together, anyways, but it was different this time.

He could swear he never saw a girl that beautiful in his life, he still couldn't help but feel captivated by her presence. He loved every single detail about her, from her chestnut hair cascading down her back, those cute dimples she got every time she smiled or the fact that her eyes shine extra brightly whenever she comes to musical class. Little did he know it was because she sat next to him during that lesson, not about the fact she loved music that much.

'' What were you doing in the auditorium today?'' he found himself asking suddenly. She shifted her gaze from her Cosmo to him. She smiled and he couldn't help but do it too

''I-''

''-Excuse me'' Serena's voice came into picture and cut in, she was on the stage near them with a microphone in her hand, asking for everyone's attention

She spotted the little exchange her boyfriend (Well her ex, but not for long) and that new girl had. He got a little too close to her and his hand lingered on her back a little too long for her opinion. She had to do something, she had a perfect plan. The one that would show everyone Nate and her are in fact a perfect couple and always will be

''I just want to thank everyone for coming tonight and announce that it is time for our sing off''

The crowd cheered and clapped

''A sing off? Blair asked Nate, looking at him all confused

''Oh, it's a karaoke kind of party, she has the names of all of us written and they draw out the one's who have to go on stage and sing'' he explained shortly

''So let's see who our first contestants are….oh we have a duet'' she smiled smugly ''Penelope, will you do the honors?'' she asked wearing a plotting smile

''Okay…the first person is….Nate Archibald'' Nate just frowned lightly and was being pushed towards the stage and away from Blair, everyone cheered on him, they knew no one could beat him in this, he was after all the Julliard material in their school

''And the second lucky contestant….'' Everyone waited excitedly, especially the girls, every single one of them would give anything to be up there with Nate ''Blair Waldorf'' Penelope said and Blair frowned, everyone started pushing her towards Nate who was on the stage

''What the hell you stupid bimbo, you should have said that I was the second one'' Serena angrily muttered to Penelope dragging her away from the stage

''I know I know….I panicked'' she explained. Serena was as pissed off as she could be. It should have been her up on the stage with Nate, not Blair, they would have sung their ballad and she would make him fall for her again.

''What the hell-'' Blair whispered to Nate when they got her to go up the stage, everyone around them was cheering, yelling out their names and ''Nate the Great''

Nate smiled at her amused and handed her the other microphone ''I guess we just have to go for it''

The crowd started shutting down together with the outside lights, it was just them, dimmed lights surrounding them. Instrumental from Faithfully started playing

Nate looked at her once more before he started singing

'' Highway run  
Into the midnight sun  
Wheels go round and round  
You're on my mind''

the music continued playing, he wasn't sure if she would even continue or just leave the stage, he never heard her sing, then suddenly

'' Restless hearts  
Sleep alone tonight  
Sending all my love  
Along the wire''

He was so amazed by her voice he forgot to sing for a moment. Everyone was just as amazed as he was, obviously and started shouting out her name. She smiled a bit, surprised by the reaction she got and continued singing along with Nate

"They say that the road  
Ain't no place to start a family  
Right down the line  
It's been you and me  
And lovin' a music man  
Ain't always what it's supposed to be" they both looked at each other at the same time before he continued

'' Oh, girl, you stand by me'' he stepped closer to her and smiled, she smiled back

'' I'm forever yours  
Faithfully''

"Wow, she like sings better than you" Penelope ''accidentally'' said to Serena who was over pissed at everyone and made it her mission to destroy Blair. She briskly walk over to one person she knew would help her

''Chuck…I need you to do something for me''

'' And being apart  
Ain't easy on this love affair  
Two strangers learn to fall in love again  
I get the joy of rediscovering you  
Oh, girl, you stand by me  
I'm forever yours  
Faithfully''

They continued singing in harmony, she never felt this confident and comfortable on stage with anyone. She actually enjoyed it, a lot. And when the time for belting the high note came she didn't hold back. Nate just kept quiet wanting to hear her sing, joining in at the end so they could end it perfectly.

'' I'm forever yours  
Faithfully''

They stood so close to each other by the end that people thought they were gonna kiss or something. Blair put her mic down and stared at him smiling.

''That was-''

''-amazing'' he finished her sentence

She just nodded looking at him. They went off the stage and suddenly everyone was around her again, it felt really weird. She personally didn't have that high opinion of her singing skills as those people and obviously Nate had.

''You want to go somewhere more private?'' he asked his hand pressed against her back again, this time making small circles. She was absolutely dazzled, all she could do is nod

''Let me just go to the ladies room''

''Sure, I'll meet you up front?'' he asked flashing her the famous Archibald smile, she melted in to a puddle

''Mkay''

She got to the ladies and made sure to look absolutely perfect, she had to. All the anger she felt before, kind of faded away.

''Nathanial'' Chuck called after him ''bailing already?''

''Oh…hah I've got a thing'' he tried to get himself out of it and get rid of Chuck ASAP, Blair would come here any minute and he didn't want any intruders

''Yeah….a thing for that Blair hotie'' Chuck replied smiling smugly. Nate just shook his head and laughed

''Before you go and hit that-''

''-Chuck, I'm not gonna-''

''-Chill out, just kidding…or am I?'' he asked, Nate just rolled his eyes

''I came here cause I have to come clean about something-'' Nate continued to stare at him confused ''Serena just came to me and….well she asked me to seduce Blair or try to get her to sleep with me so she would be away from you''

Nate frowned a bit. He knew Serena was capable of some awful things, but this, this was too much even for her.

''What the fuck?'' he asked angry

''I didn't do it, nor I will… I just thought you should know'' he said trying to calm him down a bit

''I can't believe… where is she?''

''I think she's closer than you think'' Chuck nodded in the direction of Serena approaching from behind Nate. A little after that he left, leaving Nate and Serena to take care of their shit alone

He didn't have a chance to react, she just threw her hands around him.

Blair just got out and was ready to leave with Nate when she saw them, Nate and Serena hugging.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed, don't forget to review!


	6. I'm not going to be your mistake

Hey guys, the new chapter is here, it's what you've been waiting for, almost the whole chapter is Nair interaction, I hope you'll like it and of course, review

Also, you guys were requesting for me to make this story M rated and throw in some action, well it will happen, but I'll keep it rated T, it's not gonna be all lemons ;D

I do not own any characters or songs used, just the ideas

* * *

It was the kind of moment when you forget about everything and everyone and just focus on that one person, only to be hit by a bitch named reality right in the core.

Of course Nate would be hugging Serena; she is after all his "girlfriend". Blair is the one who was messing around with a taken guy, Karma did its thing.

''What the hell Serena?'' he pushed her away and whispered, not wanting to drag any more attention to them, it was a nice little play Serena had in mind

''Let's get back together-'' she winced, Nate rolled his eyes and took in a deep breath ''-come on Natie, I know I was wrong, I see it clearly now. I'm so sorry for pushing you towards Yale and away from Julliard. I make mistakes too…so come on…let's get back together'' she said her practiced speech perfectly and put on an innocent face, leaning in to kiss him, but he moved away

''Serena cut it out. You think this whole break up was all about Yale and Julliard? No, I broke up with you cause we have nothing in common anymore, nor I think we ever had. Don't get me wrong, it was fun and all but… I…I don't know. I guess you're not the one for me. It all maybe looks good on paper but…we live in a real world, and in that world we're pure opposites…and in this case, opposites don't attract. At least not equally '' he said as reasonably as possible and hoped she would get over it and finally leave him alone. He moved his gaze from Serena and had his eyes fall on one person who shouldn't have seen his and Serena's interaction a while ago.

She was near them now and just passed by, barely sparing him a look.

''Blair'' he called after her, she didn't respond, she just kept walking towards the exit

'' Nate, stay with me'' Serena said angrily and grabbed his hand, he shook his head and pulled away

''No''

''Nate!'' she called after him, pissed as all hell. He didn't just leave her for that slut

''Blair''

She just kept walking, she didn't have to listen to his explanations and other shit, she had enough of it. She spent only a few hours in total with this…_guy, _and already experienced more drama than with all her relationships combined.

Just about then her phone rang, indicating a message. It was Robin, telling her where the spare key is cause her parent's and Yale were at the Hamptons for the weekend leaving them home alone, and as Robin informed her now, she would be staying at a "friends" house, yeah right.

He finally reached her and grabbed her hand gently, forcing her to turn around and face him. They shared a look that lasted about 2 seconds until she shifted her eyes, refusing to look at him

''Let go of me'' she said harshly and turned around again, passing some drunk idiots and out, away from this stupid party and all the stupid people she had to face.

''Come on-'' he started pleadingly 'till she cut him of

''Go back to your girlfriend, she seemed pretty pissed to me'' she said, with a small sarcastic laugh at the end. She continued walking and sensed the lack of his presence so she figured he finally gave up, which meant the end of their discussion for good, or so she thought.

''We broke up'' he said not so far from her and she stopped. Why? She didn't know. Once she felt he was near her again she turned back and faced him, basically for the first time since the party

''That's what we were talking about'' she still wasn't convinced, what if he lied, it wouldn't be the first time

'' Yeah, I suppose that's why you were hugging her'' she stated and eyed him suspiciously. He laughed at how adorable she looked when she got angry and shook his head a bit.

''_We_ were doing nothing, _she _was hugging me…and if you watched that whole play you would see I pushed her away, but I guess you skipped that part'' he flashed her a smile and despite herself she smiled a little smile back, only to return back to her poker face again.

''Whatever… it's not like I care'' she said nonchalantly and continued walking back. He smiled again and followed, walking a few steps behind.

So they continued playing their little game for the next couple of blocks till she cracked

''Why did she broke up with you?'' she couldn't keep it in any longer

''Why would you think she broke up with me?'' he set a reasonable argument

''Guys don't let a girl like Serena go away, so the only rational situation to be is that she left you'' so they were talking now and even walking next to each other, that was a success

''Well in my defense… why would a girl ever let go of a guy like me?'' he said wearing that cocky smile of his, usually Blair would be annoyed by that level of arrogance, but on him… it was making him even hotter.

''I apologize, how could I ever offend your beauty'' she teased in a mocking voice. They both laughed and she finally relaxed again

''But seriously. She didn't break up with me… I left her'' he said turning serious again, so did she

''Why?'' she stopped walking and looked at him, he did the same

''Because..I…I….I don't know'' he did know, the main reason was now standing before him ''I'm not in love with her''

They stood there for awhile, just staring in each other's eyes. Blair nodded lightly in understanding. So he wasn't lying after all.

''I know you're not really fond of me right now...but…can we just go somewhere?'' he asked looking at her again. She wasn't fond of him? She almost laughed out loud at the irony, the problem was, she was fond of him… very very much. And now he broke up with his girlfriend and wanted to go somewhere with her

''Yes'' his eyes lit up and he smiled hearing her answer ''I'd love to'' she smiled back adoringly, she couldn't not to. He was again, slowly starting to melt her icy exterior away.

Two hours later they found themselves sitting in a booth of some kind of a bar or a restaurant or something, she didn't really care. They were having so much fun she hasn't had for a long time. They were already at the point where they finished each other's sentences. It was both amazing and kind of scary, she felt like he was a male version of her, just like she was a female version of him.

If she knew all the things about him she found out that night, she would have never acted out so stupid like earlier. She felt mad at herself for letting those girls mess with her head and feed her lies about him.

''Okay…tell me honestly-'' he took a sip of his coke, she nodded ''what did you think of me when you first met me?''

''Honestly?'' she said, sending a little giggle after that, he nodded, trying to keep a serious face, she did the same, giving her answer

''I thought you were a pretentious snob'' they looked at each other in silence for a second before they both burst out in laughter

''Awesome'' he said trough his laugh

''Oh don't worry, I just think you're pretentious now'' she teased further ''What'd you think of me?''

He smiled raising an eyebrow ''What I really thought of you?'' she nodded ''I thought….you were beautiful'' he said in his_ I'm mister perfect _voice and smiled wide

'Whoooa, what a suck up'' she teased him, both of them were still laughing. She hoped he didn't catch her blushing, cause inside she was burning from excitement… I mean Nate Freaking Gorgeous Archibald just told her he thinks she is beautiful…. That was something.

Later on they finally decided that it was time to go home. He offered to walk her to her house so they were doing that now. Also they made sure they took the ultra long way and walk super slow, wanting to spend as much time with each other as possible

''Well, this is me'' she said kind of sad that this was it. '' I had a really really great time tonight'' she smiled, he did the same

''Me too…so I guess I'll see you around school?'' she nodded. He turned to go, and just as she unlocked her house and was about to go inside his voice stopped her

Come on, don't be a coward Nate

''You know when you asked me why I left her….and I told you I didn't know why-'' she turned back and walked down back to him ''Well….I do know'' he said and unconsciously took her hands in his, she thought she will melt right then and there

''It was because of you….I left her because I started to… like you, the way I shouldn't…well the way I shouldn't if I was in a relationship'' she just stared down at him, not able to move. Did… did he just told her what she thought he did.

''I understand if you… just want to be frie-''

He wanted for someone to pinch him and reassure him he wasn't dreaming, because Blair was kissing him. Really really kissing him

He put one of his arms around her waist and brought her closer to him, deepening their kiss. Her lips were so soft and gentle, they moved perfectly in sync with his ones and all he could see were fireworks.

They pulled away slightly to breathe and looked at each other's eyes. Their foreheads lingered. He gently cupped her face and kissed her once more, wanting that amazing feeling back, again and again.

Blair couldn't even think straight. All she knew was that she wanted him and she wanted him now.

She pulled away slightly and smiled against his lips. She grabbed both of his hands and led him inside her house. Thank God no one was around, she was never more thankful to have the house for herself.

He left her lips for a moment concentrating on her neck, driving her insane

''Nate'' she moaned in pleasure, wanting to go further

He wasn't conscious of what was happening until they reached what seemed like her bed and he felt her hands under his shirt.

''Blair, stop'' it was probably the hardest thing ever for those words to cross his lips, he had to be careful and find the strength to pull himself off of her, for her sake

He plopped next to her and inhaled deeply, trying to cool off a bit

''What's wrong?'' she asked turning on her side, wearing a confused look on her face. He looked at her raising an eyebrow, she rolled her eyes

''No, I want to do this'' she took his face in her hands and kissed him once more, trying to pull him back on top of her again. He could feel his control slipping again and he had to stop it

''No, what if you'll be sorry…we've only basically known each other for a few days and we had drinks earlier-'' wow, where was this coming from, Nate Archibald putting it back in his pants in order to save girl's feelings. I guess that's what you do when you really care about someone, that was Blair for him.

''It doesn't matter… you don't have to worry about anything… I'm not a virg-''

''-No it's not cause of that'' he laughed at how determined she was ''It would be wrong''

''But-'' he put a finger on her lips

''I won't be your mistake Blair'' he kissed her gently ''Good night'' he said and got up from her bed

''Wow… you must be the only guy who ever refused to have sex with a girl when he had an opportunity like this…. Pretentious snob'' she yelled after him, she heard him laughing down the hall and got up to "say goodbye"

He waited by the door and watched her slowly drag herself down the stairs to reach him. She was only in her lacy underwear, what made it that much harder for Nate to resist

She finally did and threw her arms around him.

''Don't go…stay with me'' she said in a sad puppy voice and looked at him innocently ''I promise I won't try to seduce you'' she said dramatically. He laughed at her and kissed her, getting in to the habit.

''Come on'' he surprised her as he picked her up and carried her back to her room

He laid her down gently and removed his clothes, well not everything, much to Blair's disappointment. But what she saw by now, she was stunned. None of her boyfriends ever looked as hot as Nate did; she was sure now one of his after school activities included gym. Wait; did she just call him her boyfriend?

''You know I can help you with those boxers'' she smiled smugly

He shook his head and laughed, laying next to her

''Goodnight Blair'' he kissed the top of her head. She snuggled in to him and kissed him goodnight

''Night''

* * *

Don't forget to review ;)) xo Laura


	7. I hope it gives you hell

You guys are truly amazing, thanks for all the support and our reviews, and of course, keep 'em coming ;) the more reviews, the faster I update

I know this was kind of short, but I did my best to make it satisfying, the weekend is here so I'll definitely write some more chapters and hopefully update ASAP

I do not own any characters or songs used, only the ideas

Songs : Walking on a dream  
Gives you hell

* * *

She woke up that morning to the soft sounds of Walking on a dream, which was ironic, it was exactly how she felt.

The events of the previous evening were still in a bit of a haze. Her eyes were still closed shut, she didn't dare to open them and end up realizing this was all just a dream

_Walking on a dream  
How can I explain  
talking to myself  
Will I see again_

So instead of opening her eyes she stretched out her right arm and found it brushing against something distinctively male, not just something…Nate.

Her heart fluttered upon the realization that this was actually happening and she wasn't in fact dreaming about it. Her smile grew wider by the second of staring at him. How could she not? She still couldn't stop admiring his perfect anatomy, his purposely ruffled hair of gold or the fact that yesterday he proved to be probably the most amazing guy she has ever met.

He stirred a bit and inhaled deeply, still very much asleep. His form sensed hers and he draped an arm sleepily around her waist, pulling her closer.

She was totally positive now that if she would smile any bigger, her cheeks would explode.

''Mmmm'' he murmured and kissed her neck gently ''Morning beautiful''

'' Morning'' she replied and ran her fingers through his hair, kissing him in the process. He looked at her and smiled. Even in the morning, without a dash of make –up on or some fancy clothes, she still looked more amazing than any girl he has ever seen.

''I wouldn't mind waking up like this every morning from now on'' she said happily ''It sucks that we still have school to attend'' she groaned remembering it, well at least now she'll have a fucking amazing reason to go to school every day, especially attend classes she shared with him

''Well... that's tomorrow…and it won't be that awful now'' he nuzzled her neck and kissed her soft spot once more. Damn him, they have only spent one night together ( and not in a hot and heavy way, thanks to Nate's sudden decision to go celibate for once) and he already knew just how and where to touch her… it only made her think more about how amazing it will be when they finally-

''What's on your mind?'' he asked, his stare focused on hers

She couldn't just directly tell him that she was picturing them having sex and whatever he would do to her. She felt heat rising up her body and quickly came up with something to say or distract him…and well….distract herself for that matter

'' Nothing….everything'' she said and smiled, he also smiled and kissed her gently once more

* * *

She checked herself in the floor length mirror one more time, she had to put more effort in the way she looked now, after all she had someone to impress. Not that it was needed, Nate already saw her without a stitch of make-up on and convinced she was gorgeous. But that wasn't the point, she felt good in her body, she really did. And after all she was a woman, she wanted to highlight her beauty even more.

She sprayed a little perfume on the delicate skin of her neck and rearranged her hairdo, making sure every hair was at its place.

Her sister suddenly emerged in saying something but abruptly stopped herself and checked Blair out

''Whoa… you really really want to impress that guy'' she observed. Blair rolled her eyes

''What guy? There is no guy. Is it so weird that I want to look good for school'' she said and continued with perfecting her hair, deciding to play it cool with Robin

''No, that's not weird at all… the weird thing is that Blair Cornelia Waldorf decided to wear a dress to school…and not just any dress…a skin tight one'' Robin raised her brow at her

''That's nonsense, I wear dresses to school all the time-''

''-Yeah whatever, let me know when the wedding is'' she say and left the room laughing

''Robin…more like Moron'' she yelled at her sister and finally decided she looked good enough to leave the house

* * *

Nate stood leaned against the fence, a few blocks away from St. Jude's, Blair told him that it would be the best if they just kept it for themselves for a while, at least until his and Serena's break up clears a bit. He agreed with her, but honestly he had nothing against going public right now.

She was finally his and he had no problem showing the world just how happy they could be. He couldn't care less about all the haters, guys who had their eyes on Blair since the first day, Serena's minions, Serena and all the other people he assumed would be against this.

But if Blair wanted to keep it a secret for now, he didn't mind, as long as she was happy. She already dragged all the attention to herself by being a new student in the middle of the semester, she didn't need any more drama, and he would make sure of it.

She should arrive at any minute, by now he knew she was never late for anything, from attending classes (mind that one class she bumped in to him) to her singing practice and arranged meetings.

Just as agreed, she was there in the right time. His jaw dropped as he saw her approaching him. Every day she looked more like a goddess he knew she was and at that exact moment he started wondering why they were doing the whole _no sex till the right time_ thing. As far as he was concerned, that right time was now, and all he wanted to do was push her against the nearest wall and ravish her. He had to take in a deep breath to cool down a bit. She finally reached him and threw her arms around his neck

''Hi'' she said sweetly and kissed him on the lips

''Hi'' he said and looked her all over, not even trying to hide his stare

''What?'' she asked smiling up at him, he shook his head lightly

''You look absolutely amazing, you know that?'' his forehead lingered against hers

''I do now''

''Let's go'' he took her hand in his and they started walking towards their school, Nate being the gentleman he was, carried some of her books for her. She was pretty sure that those kinds of guys don't exist anymore, she was never so glad to be proven wrong.

''You know I was thinking…'' she started; he slowed down a bit, since they were close to the school.

''Yes?''

''Maybe coming out public wouldn't be that bad after all…'' she said and looked up from the floor to catch his expression. He smiled at her, amused

''What changed your mind?'' he asked out of curiosity

''I dunno…I just…. I want to be with you… and I really want this to work. I don't think that hiding in front of anyone would make things easier…what do you think?''

''I say let's go for it….I mean, yes it will be a little weird, but who the hell cares anyways, the only person in this school I truly care about is you, nothing's gonna change the way I feel''

She nodded and leaned in to kiss him once more before they went for the operation _do or die_

''Ready?'' he asked tightening his grip on her hand in order to reassure her they were both in this together

''Let's do it'' she breathed out

And boy they did. The second they walked in the school yard, hand in hand, every pair of eyes was glued to them. People were staring, whispering, watching confusingly.

''Everyone is staring at as Archibald'' she whispered to him, gripping his hand tighter. He followed her gaze and noticed she was looking straight at Serena

''Let's give them hell'' he smirked and in one swift move pulled her closer to him and kissed her feverishly in front of everyone.

_And truth be told I miss you_  
_And truth be told I'm lying_

_When you see my face _  
_Hope it gives you hell_  
_Hope it gives you hell_  
_When you walk my way_  
_Hope it gives you hell_  
_Hope it gives you hell_  
_When you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well_  
_Then he's a fool, you're just as well_  
_Hope it gives you hell_

The whole student body of St. Jude's went quiet for a second. The silence quickly outgrown to whispering, cheering coming from Nate's buddies, reeks of fire jealous girls threw at Blair and uncountable frowns.

Phones were buzzing, there even were people taking pictures of them.

Neither of them gave a damn, as far as they were concerned, they were untouchable.

They broke apart and smiled to one another, then hand in hand, their heads held high, left the yard, leaving the crowd in a mixture of jealousy, surprise and despise.

* * *

I hope you liked it, don't forget to favorite and review, xo L


	8. Help

Hello again. To answer your questions about this story and it's rating. I promise I'll give you an M rated scene; you just have to wait for it. We're slowly building up towards it, it maybe won't happen right now but at some point it will. Just be patient ;)

I do not own any characters or songs used, just the ideas

* * *

Serena was a type of girl who always had everything in her life planned ahead. Thus far she had three major goals.

Rule St. Jude and UES

Attend Yale

Have Nathaniel Archibald

And some Florida singing hussy isn't going to ruin it. She knew Nate would soon get over her, well she expected him to. He was always free spirited anyways. But then that girl comes along and she changes his perspective, for "good". Serena wanted to be that for him. She wanted to be the one to make him change to better for her.

She never succeed though. She never had the time.

And now, everyone actually started to like Blair. Boys became even more "friendlier" around her, girls wanted to be her. That's supposed to be Serena. She even caught her minions glancing at her with awe upon eyeing her Marc Jacobs newest fall collection dress.

She sat quietly on the corner bench, watching him and that brunette from distance, already plotting her revenge.

Blair Waldorf stole her spotlight and Nate, but Serena will get it back. She just will. And she had the perfect plan.

* * *

'' Nate Archibald…you better behave yourself-'' she playfully muttered while he nuzzled her neck ''- as much as I want you… I don't want to get suspended for public indecency''

He smiled at her and kissed her gently ''My apologies… it's just hard to contain myself when you're looking so….well hot''

She shook her head smiling

''Oh crap, I've gotta go, my lecture starts in 5. I'll call you as soon as I'm finished'' they kissed one more time

''Mkay, bye''

She walked towards the school with a huge grin on her face, how could she not.

This past two weeks Nate has been the perfect boyfriend. He would bring her, her favorite flowers hydrangeas. He would sit with her trough a marathon of Audrey movies and wiped her tears when she would lose it over the heartbreaking parts. They would talk late in to the night and even sleep over either at his or hers house when their parents wouldn't be at home, or in Blair's case told them she was having a sleep over with her ''friend from class''

_They_ still _haven't done the deed_ though. They both agreed that it was the right thing to do. She knew he wanted it as much as she did. It would all pay off. And it's not like they were going to be celibate until they're married or something. It was just like he said, it's not going to be a drunken mistake, it will be a result of pure love

Speaking of… the _"L"_ word still didn't cross any of their lips, she was sure she loved him, she did. She was just waiting for the right time to say it. It worried her a bit of how Nate's feelings towards her were.

She couldn't help but feel a bit insecure at moments. She could see he changed for her and she appreciated it. She was just afraid of how long it will last, and what would happen if he broke again and decided he was tired of her….or regret leaving a girl like Serena for her. Plus, all of the girls surrounding Nate at all times weren't helping.

That wasn't the only issue, now a bunch of guys were all around her too. And she had a feeling that Nate's temper could blow over and it would all end badly. He was the jealous type after all… that Blair found sexy….but also kind of dreaded

It was an unending battle to say. Them against the world.

* * *

''Nate'' a voice he knew too well called after him

''What do you want?'' he didn't turn around or bother to stop, he figured she would follow anyways

''Come on, that's not a way to treat a friend''

That stopped him ''We're not friends, nor we ever have been''

She looked at him with that innocent sad face and he wasn't sure of what it was. Either she was a really good actress or she was honest.

''I know… it's not good with us now. And I'm sorry. Look, I'm not here to win you back-'' lie ''-I just don't want to fight. I came to tell you that I support you and Blair.''

That threw him away. He smiled a bit and raised an eyebrow surprisingly looking at her

''Who the hell are you and what did you do to Serena van der Woodsen?''

She laughed and rolled her eyes. ''You're not the only one who's changing''

''Okay'' he said, not so angry anymore

''Truce?'' she said and held out her hand to him. He took a second to think about it and finally gave in.

''Why not'' he said and shook her hand. If he only knew he was making a deal with the Devil

* * *

''Damn it…where the hell is it?'' she muttered to herself as she eyed numerous rows of books looking for _Gigi._

''Finally'' she breathed out as she spotted the book and went over to grab her, it was the last one on the shelf and she had a wild craving for Colette. When she was just about half way to take it someone came in her frame and grabbed it of the shelf

''Come on'' she groaned, forgetting her manners

''Excuse me?'' the guy turned around and looked at her quizzically. He looked kind of familiar; he was probably from the same school so she must have seen him walk by somewhere

''Oh…nothing'' she said disappointed and turned to leave when he stopped her

''Did you wanted the book?'' his voice was very deep, it kind of soothed to the ears, not as well as Nate's voice though. Oh fuck, Nate was waiting for her. She completely forgot about it, school was making her nervous and occupied. All she wanted to do right now was to go home and see Nate.

''Well yeah… I mean it's okay, I'll lent it some other time, I read it like a hundred times anyways'' she said and smiled politely

''Actually so did I''

She was to say surprised by that. First of all no one she ever met loved Colette or even heard of Gigi, especially not a guy

''I'm Dan, nice to meet you'' he held out his hand and smiled to her, she smiled back and shook his hand

''I'm-''

''Blair'' he cut her off. She looked at him suspiciously

''How did you know?'' she asked out of pure curiosity

''It's magic'' he whispered, she raised an eyebrow and half laughed

''Just kidding, it says so on your note pad'' he pointed to it and laughed

''Oh'' she laughed with him

''Look we are getting some angry looks from the librarian, would you like to extend this conversation over coffee?''

She looked at him a little unease

''I have a boyfriend'' she shot right out. He didn't seem to budge

''Well, I'm just inviting you to coffee, not to cheat on your boyfriend'' he pointed the obvious and smiled. It was the smile that did it, it was sort of kind and honest. But it wasn't like Blair was falling for him, she was in love with Nate, her boyfriend and she would do nothing to ruin it.

This was just coffee, and she could use a friend or two, besides Nate she didn't really have any, all of the girls that followed her around the school yard were mostly Serena's ex minions and bottle blond clones.

''Sure, why not'' she said as they headed out

* * *

''So, where's Blair?'' Serena asked as they walked out of the school property, there were already eyes glued to them; it probably seemed to some people up there that they were back on. She smiled evilly to herself and stepped closer to Nate.

It didn't take long for Nate to notice what she was trying to do, of course.

''She's at school, and actually-'' he pretended to check his watch so he could get himself rid of the situation ''-I should go and meet her now''

''Well-'' she didn't manage to say, he was already gone. This may be harder than she thought.

* * *

''I cannot believe that there is a guy who likes Gigi as much as I do, that's quite impossible''

''I can't believe I haven't seen you around the school before'' he smiled. She actually liked him, as a friend of course. Sure he was good looking and everything but her heart was reserved, speaking of...

''Oh sorry-'' she apologized as her phone rang. Dan noticed her face instantly light up when she saw the callers ID and he didn't have to guess who that was. He tried to hide his disappointment by sipping some more coffee and looking anywhere else but her.

''Nate-'' she said lovingly ''-I'm done, I'm sorry I didn't call earlier, I was at a library''

'' It's fine. Where are you? I'll pick you up''

''Oh-'' she felt really dumb at that moment, she couldn't tell him she was having coffee with another guy, what was she thinking anyways. She glanced at Dan a bit awkwardly and continued shifting her gaze to her cup

''-Let's just meet at the Met steps'' she proposed, hoping he would agree

''Fine, lo-'' it almost slipped from his tongue, he suddenly stopped, realizing what he almost just told her. Well he was sure he felt that way, but saying it felt a little…well he couldn't explain. He wanted to wait for the right time, and he wanted the first time he told her that he loved her to be in person, not over the phone

Blair's breath caught in her throat and she could swear her heart stopped. Did he almost say what she thought he did? She must be delusional. She put it to the back of her mind

''Ummm….see you'' he murmured and hung up. He groaned in frustration and exhaled deeply

''Well, I got to go, it was nice talking to you though'' she stood up and took her belongings

''Yeah, it was. Well maybe we could do this again sometime'' he said hopefully. He saw her lips turn in to a straight line.

''I don't know….I mean I think it's not that I didn't enjoy your company or anything, but Nat-''

''Hey hey, it's fine. You've got a boyfriend whom you love right? '' he said pointing out the facts, if only he knew that he hit the soft spot of hers and Nate's relationship. She looked around and finally left, muttering a goodbye.

Her walk was slow, despite the fact she wanted to see Nate as soon as possible. She got distracted. The sentence Dan said earlier rang in her mind on and on

''_You've got a boyfriend whom you love, right?'' whom you love…_

Her head was a mess. Maybe she was just overreacting, but still. This wasn't a small thing to dramatize about. She knew inside her feelings for Nate were strong, really, really strong. She never felt like that for anyone else. But they've only known each other for not so long, what if she was just dazzled by him? What if the real problems came and they somehow fell apart…

'' Blair'' she was awaken from her musings by his wonderful voice

''I missed you'' she said as he hugged her close

''I missed you too'' he replied and kissed her gently ''What took you so long?''

She shifted her gaze and mumbled quietly ''Oh you know, school, waiting in the library and that stuff'' she felt horrible lying to him, but wouldn't wanna upset him by an unimportant information. She was here now and he was with her and everything was as it should be.

''Let me walk you home'' he smiled and kissed her forehead lightly. She nodded and smiled big

* * *

Later that night, as he finally came home, he was "greeted" by their house keeper bumping in to him

''Sorry Mr. Nate-'' she mumbled quietly ''-Just to warn you, he's not in a good mood'' she didn't need to say more, he knew this was going to be a long night.

'' And where the hell were you all this time?''

''Hi dad'' he said already annoyed and decided it would be for the best if he just went up to his room before this turns into one of those all night fights

''Answer my question Nathanial'' his father demanded raising his voice. Nate put his bag down and finally faced his father

''I was at school''

''At 9 o' clock, since when does class end this late? Don't tell me you had some singing practice or that kind of shit ''

'' I had extracurricular'' he was already feeling himself fall into a pit of despair and rage.

''Shouldn't you be preparing for Dartmouth or Yale? You know they only take the best-''

His mother appeared all of a sudden ''-Howard leave him alone'' she said as she stood next to Nate

''Anne stay out of this'' he yelled at his mom, that was enough for Nate. Maybe she was afraid to confront him, but he was not.

''Stop yelling at mom'' he raised his voice as well and looked his father straight in the eyes, stepping in front of her

''How dare you raise your voice at me?'' he said and grabbed the collar of his St. Jude's uniform. Nate shook his hand of and stepped back, he felt like kicking his father right now and that wouldn't improve the situation. His fists balled as he kept his distance

''Nate go upstairs, this is a grownups thing'' his mother ordered. He wanted to protest but gave up shaking his head

He shut the door fiercely behind him and fell on his bed. He turned on his Ipod and hoped it would all go away. He could still hear them yelling trough the music and remembered there was still one thing that could make him numb.

He threw his Ipod away and stood up, reaching under his bed for his stash.

He couldn't believe he was actually doing this. It took him exactly 8 months and 24 days to go without it and now he was bailing.

He took out three pills from the orange Vicodin container and stared at them for a while. Debating, to take them or not. The pills make it so easy, they make it so he doesn't feel. Pot was once enough to get him that feeling. Him and Chuck would just get high and it would all seem perfect for a little while. But now, pot wasn't enough. He needed something stronger, thus the various pills. He swore to himself he wouldn't get that desperate to use them again, he just didn't see anything else that could help right now.

He was just about to take them when his eyes fell on his phone, there was a picture of Blair on his screen saver and he found his saving grace.

His hands were shaking as he took the phone in his hands and hit speed dial.

Blair just got out of the shower, still gloating with happiness and enjoying the high Nate was sending her too. Just as she thought about him her phone rang.

''Nate'' she said happily, but something was wrong, she could hear his hard breathing

''Blair'' his voice was shaky; it was like he was struggling to breathe. Concern swiped all over her, she could already feel tears forming in her eyes

''I need your help'' he pleaded desperately


	9. Sibling rivalry?

Hey, here I am with another chapter, sorry if the last one kind of sucked, I wrote it in hurry. I hope this one is more satisfactory. Anyhow enjoy and don't forget to review ;))

I do not own any characters or songs, just the ideas.

* * *

''I need your help''

''what…what are you talking about? Nate what's wrong'' she asked highly concerned and immediately started to panic.

''Calm down, everything's okay, I think….I mean no, it's not okay-'' gosh he was a mess, his hands were still shaking, he couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if he just took the pills and shut his feelings down for a bit ''I'm having a huge crises…and you're the only one I could really trust with this'' he practically whispered, even his voice was bailing him

''Come to my place, I'm alone'' she said wanting to see him, he sounded really bad, something was truly wrong, the unknowing was killing her

He nodded, like she could see him. He hung up and left his room in a rush, passing his parents who were still yelling at each other like it was the end of the world

''Nathanial…where…where are you going?'' his mother asked turning towards him

''Away from here'' he hissed and shut the door forcefully

She nervously paced up and down the hallway, checking to see if he was near her house every five seconds. She was a wreck. The ticking sound of a clock coming from the dining room was driving her insane.

When she finally heard a knock her stomach churned instantly. She rushed to the doors and opened them, shaking. She almost winced as she saw him.

He looked so vulnerable…so lost right now. She has never seen him so fragile. There was definitely something wrong, you could see it in his eyes.

She didn't waste any time. She lightly pulled him towards herself and hugged him tightly. A thousand thoughts rushed through her head. First of them being what could have possibly gone wrong in that small amount of time they spent apart.

They slightly parted and she looked him directly in the eyes. His ones quickly transferred to a hundred things surrounding them, an evidence of how distraught he was.

She took him by his hand and lead him in to the living room, they sat down, his hands in hers

''What happened?'' she asked once more, her voice was small and barely audible. He took a deep breath and finally looked up at her. He let go of one of her hands and reached in to his pocket.

He took out a bottle of pills and put it on a coffee table next to them.

She has also let go of his hands and took the pills, examining them for a second

''Vicodin? Wh…what are you doing with these-'' she asked completely confused, nothing made sense to her anymore

''-they make me numb'' he finally spoke, it was the first thing he said to her since he got here and the sound and the change in his voice scared her. He no longer seemed vulnerable, he looked like he could kill someone… but not in a way that she would be threatened… he was destroyed.

''Nate…what are you saying'' she asked quietly, looking at the bottle in her hands, already dreading the answer

''I'm saying that I'm basically an addict…I..I stopped and it was all okay…and then my fucking father starts with his shit and with terrorizing me and my mother and….I couldn't take it. So I almost took them…again'' he got up and shouted. He didn't mean to, he was just facing too much of this things all alone. He needed someone to shout at him back and to lead him the right way… he was always lost, but never this much. This time it looked like there was no way out

Blair sat still, absorbing the information he just laid on her.

He started pacing around the room too and mumbling more stuff she couldn't even catch. She got up and reached out grabbing his hands

''Nate stop'' she shouted, not because she was angry, it was only because she knew this was the only way to get Nate to listen to you. He did what she told him to and looked in to her eyes, seeking for help… peace.

She brought him closer to herself and wrapped her arms around him tightly

''It's okay….everything is going to be okay-'' he nodded holding on to her tightly, she was the only one keeping him sane right now ''-just talk to me''

''Okay'' he spoke after a moment of silence. They sat back down and she reached for his hands, caressing them gently. Just being here with her instantly made him feel better.

''Now tell me what happened tonight'' she said, trying to sound as firmly as possible, it was excruciating to watch him so lost…so vulnerable again. She just wanted to make it all go away.

''I had…a fight with my father again tonight. It's always because of the whole college thing-'' he stopped for a second and shook his head ''-I think I'm never going to have it right if I let him bring me down again and again… it was nothing new really. It's our everyday thing, either we fight or we don't talk at all'' he looked up at her, her eyes were already glossy. He hated himself for doing this to her

''How ever tonight….I just couldn't handle it anymore. So I went to my room and-'' he stopped for a second as his gaze fell on the bottle, she followed his eyes ''-I got my emergency stash out''

''Oh my God Nate'' she cried ''Are you telling me that you're…you're doing drugs?'' her voice broke, she could feel him tense under her touch. She could barely handle the whole situation

''No…I mean yes-'' he closed his eyes and shook his head a bit ''It all started innocently… Chuck and I would smoke a joint or two…that was all. Then as things at home got worse, it became a joint a day…then two, maybe three. I was so stoned most of the time I don't even remember. Shortly after that, pot wasn't enough. So I went over to the bathroom cabinet and found Vicodin. It made it all better. It felt so good to escape and feel numb from time to time. Then I started to skip school, my grades went down and all of that… I realized I had to stop it. My Julliard future was depending on it. So I managed it and haven't smoke a joint or had a pill for almost a year…and today I almost took it. But then I saw your picture-'' he looked up at her, her face shimmered from tears, she tightened her grip on his hand ''-and I realized I couldn't do it. It's not just about me anymore… I have to think about you…and by telling you all of this, I'll understand if you want nothing else to do with me''

He spoke quietly and got up, heading towards the doors. He was already there when he felt her small hand tugging at his arm. He turned around to face her and was eloped in a passionate kiss.

His arms fell around her waist as he brought her closer to him, deepening their kiss.

''I want everything else to do with you'' she spoke breathlessly as they finally parted. He smiled and kissed her cheek lightly.

''I know that you think differently but you are strong enough to do this…you are not a coward like your father Nate, you proved that today. You know what I thought the first time I ever saw you?''

He smiled to her and shook his head

''I thought that you were incredible…and that haven't changed nor it ever will''

He couldn't describe how he felt at that exact moment. He guessed the right word would be relieved. He never openedup to anyone like this. itfelt so good to get this of his chest.

''Blair..I-'' just as he was about to say it to her, for like the millionth time someone stopped them. He was beginning to think universe was toying with them. This time it were Blair's parents. They could see them coming upstairs. Nate looked at Blair not sure what should they do now

''I should leave-''

''-Don't''- she stopped him ''-stay'' she smiled and he smiled back

''Blair… you've got to explain mom-'' Robin started and stopped in her tracks just like everyone else realizing Blair wasn't alone

''Hi there'' she said and flashed her perfect smile at the guy she supposed was Nate, she sent a knowing smile to Blair who just rolled her eyes

''Hi'' Nate said and smiled, Blair already knew it would blow all of them away, so it was

''Blair…who's your friend?'' her mother friendly asked, stepping in

''Mom, dad, Robin…this is Nate' she introduced him

They all said hi and shared wiggling eyebrows and wide smiles among themselves, causing Blair to glare at them

''Well, is Nate joining us for dinner'' her father asked smiling at his daughter

She immediately shot ''Yes, of course…right Nate?'' she batted her eyelashes at him, she couldn't let him go now, he needed her…and right now she needed him to be calm. He smiled and rolled his eyes, how could he resist her

''Sure''

''Great then, we'll be in the kitchen if you need us'' her parents went there and left Blair and Nate alone with Robin. Someone else was missing, and she flew inside with the speed of lightning, almost bumping in to Nate.

He smiled adoringly to the little bunch of curls and joy beneath him

''Nate this is Yale…my little hyper sister''

''Hi Yale'' he greeted and knelled down to her height shaking her little hand

''Are you Blair's boyfriend?'' the little one asked directly making all of them laugh, he looked up at Blair to let her explain

''Yes Yale, he is'' Robin cut in, giggling and acting like a five year old. Blair sent her another glare

The girl put on a sad puppy face and pouted

''I had a boyfriend too. His name was not Nate, it was Damian…but we moved and then we got here where grandma and grandpa are and now I don't have a boyfriend anymore and I'm sad'' she spoke a mile per second and earned giggles from grownups around her

''Come one Yale, let's not intimidate Nate any more'' Robin said and took Yale with her

''Sorry about that'' Blair said facing Nate again

''Oh no, I think she's cute. And I feel sorry for little Damian, losing a girl like that…' he joked

Blair laughed with him and took his head in her hands ''Are you feeling better now?''

''I am'' he said and kissed her gently. He really was feeling much better. That was exactly why he needed to get away; he knew she would always be his saving grace.

* * *

After the dinner, as him and Blair sat in her living room, he couldn't help but wonder why his family was never so nice to one another. Sure he grew up in a wealthy family, he had everything he could imagine… yet he barely had anything at all. After all, material stuff can't replace love and appreciation, and that was all he ever wanted from his father.

He couldn't thank the heavens enough for sending him Blair. He was never so grateful to have someone in his life like this. He couldn't imagine anyone else handling him like this.

A small tug on his shirt brought him back to reality, it was Yale. She was smiling widely at him and kept on tugging his arm

''Look'' she pointed at a dolly in her hands ''Her name is Audvey, she's my best friend…but you can be too'' she spoke in the cutest voice ever and he couldn't help but smile

''It's Audrey Yale'' Blair corrected her

''That's what I said, Audvey'' it was obvious to everyone that she couldn't quite realize why they were all laughing and giggling every time she spoke. She narrowed her eyes and pouted

''What's so funny?'' she asked desperate to get it

Eleanor got in to the room and picked up Yale in order to give Nate and Blair some peace

''Nothing honey, why don't you go play with your dolly?'' Eleanor ordered and Yale ran back to her room. She was returning to her wash up duty when she spot something.

Her eyes fell on Nate and Blair. She nudged her husband lightly. He looked at her all confused, wondering why she was breaking him out of his Trans.

''Look'' she whispered nudging her head in Nate and Blair's direction. Their hands were intertwined, they probably did it unconsciously, but even without that it was obvious to everyone they were in love…everyone but her husband

''What?'' he looked at her even more confused ''They're sitting''

''No you idiot, they're holding hands''

A look of realization crossed his face ''Ooooh…already? We've been here for less than a month and she found a boyfriend?'' He asked kind of terrified. For him, Blair was still his little princess; it was hard for him to realize she was growing up. It happened so fast for Robin…and now Blair.

''Give her a rest…besides, she's 17, it's just puppy love''

''Well, she'll be 18 soon, and you know what then? She can do anything she wants without our approval''

''Would you stop dramatizing? No wonder Blair's always over reacting, she got that from you. Besides, we raised her right. She's a smart girl…and Nate seems like a great guy. And we know Anne too, you know he was raised in a high class society, he could be nothing more but a gentleman to Blair-''

''-and he doesn't have anything pierced. I approve'' he joked, but not completely. Once Robin showed up home with a guy covered in skull tattoos and earrings and all of that, they were still pretty traumatized

''But I guess you're right''

''Why are you whispering?'' Robin interfered them suddenly

''Shhh…look'' her mother pointed to the two lovebirds who were now talking something sweetly to one another

''Oh god…I knew it'' she said and headed towards them

''What do you mean…Robin where are you going?'' Eleanor tried to stop her but she already entered the living room, startling Nate and Blair.

They broke apart quickly and just sat there looking at Robin

''Robin'' Blair said in a calm voice, but Robin knew it was her_ what the hell_ tone ''what do you need?'' she tried to get rid of her

''Oh nothing…I'm going out'' she blabbered. Nate and Blair both stared at her, expectantly waiting for her to continue ''My purse is here'' she said as a matter of fact and grabbed a purse that was on the coffee table next to them

Blair knew she was full of crap. That wasn't even her purse. Of course she would be sneaking on them, she always did this when Blair had a new guy. She narrowed her eyes at her and sent her a death glare

''I'm just gonna go'' and she went. Blair rolled her eyes and brought her attention back to Nate.

''Sorry for the hundredth time for all of this….my family is kind of crazy-''

''Blair they're amazing, you don't even know. And even if they are a bit crazy I would much rather put up with that than my…father'' his voice died down

''I'm sorry'' she caressed his hand apologetically

''Don't be…you've been nothing but helpful. I can't thank you enough''

''You know I will always be there for you, but you have to realize you do this for me too. You balance my life out. I don't know where I'd be without you'' he nodded and leaned in to gently kiss her

''As much as I would want to stay here with you for like…ever. I have to go now'' he ran his fingers through her hair and reluctantly got up

She nodded in understanding and stood up, walking him out.

''Call me'' she said and kissed him one more time

''Of course. Blair… I…I-'' come on, don't be a coward. You know you feel it, you just have to say it. She looked up at him expectantly ''I will'' he said unease and turned to go home.

''Great job you idiot'' he muttered to himself

She leaned against the door and laughed to herself quietly. He was adorable. She knew he wanted to say it, the way he was looking at her…. supposable it was all too much to take in, in one night.

It was okay. As much as she was concerned, they had their whole life to say just how much they love each other. She just had to be patient.

* * *

''It still didn't work. I mean what am I doing wrong?''

''Ummm don't you maybe think that he's not that in to you any more?''

''Excuse me?''

''Nothing'' her friend quickly took it back

She rolled over to her stomach and took his picture in her hands again, tracing his features with her slender fingers. Her eyes reverted back to her Mac and Blair's profile page on there

''I'm gonna get him back Penelope, watch my words, they will come true. I just need to think of a perfect distraction''

Just then someone barged in

''What the hell Serena. First the study room, then bathroom and now my own room? What else is there to hog from me? Are you going to start taking my clothes''

''Shut it D-hump. Besides, i don't think garbage brown would look good on me'' she provoked ''If you have so much problems why don't you crawl back to that hole you call Brooklyn and leave me the hell alone'' she hissed getting up from his bed

''You have no idea how much I would love to…IF MY DAD DIDN'T SELL OUR LOFT….but he did and why? Because he got married to your mother. Get over it'' he yelled back at her. He hated even being near her, she obviously shared his opinion. And now they had to live together. He couldn't wait to get to university. He was still nervous and not in a good mood cause of a certain brunette that occupied his mind. The thing that killed him the most was the fact that he couldn't remember her last name. He wanted badly to keep in touch with her, that was now impossible.

He finally shut them out of his room and fell on his bed, full force.

He noticed Serena left her Mac there. He was about to shut it, when out of nowhere, there appeared no other than Blair Waldorf's profile page.

* * *

Daaa dum. I hope you liked it and don't forget to leave a review telling me what you thought of it, it means a lot. Stay tuned in for another update ;)) xo Laura


	10. It's not love that's blind,it's jealousy

IMPORTANT

The update is here, sorry if it took me a while. Anyhow I was wondering if anyone is still actually reading this. Do you like where it's going or should I stop? Just wondering. And also, some of you are looking forward to the Dan and Blair part of this story, it will come as promised but don't forget that this is a Nair story after all, so both of Nair and Dair fans will be pleased. As for Chair fans, sorry, nothing to do here, but please, feel free to be objective and tell me what you think. So whether you're a Nair, Dair, Chair, Serenate or any other shipper please leave a review telling me if you'd like some more NB or DB happening in this story, do you like it the way it is now or should I make some new alterations? Thanks for making time to read this, now for the story.

I do not own any characters or songs used; just the ideas belong to me

* * *

''Serena'' he yelled out, no answer ''Serena''

''What?'' she hissed back, emerging in his room ''

''What do you know about Blair Waldorf?'' he shot right out, Serena raised an eyebrow

''Why?'' she asked suddenly amused

''No reason….I mean you left your computer here and…'' was he blushing? Oh God. It hit her

''You like her?'' she asked sensing his distress immediately

''What? No. I was just curious'' he blabbered, refusing to look her right in the eyes

''Umhm'' she wasn't convinced. Who did he think she was? He couldn't pass a lie by her for nothing. All those years of experience and scheming came in handy this time. She took her Mac and left his room, already on the finishing points of going through her plan

''Why?'' she wasn't giving up ''Are you meaning to tell me you were just starring at her picture acting all more stupid than usual and blushing hearing her name, for nothing?''

''I wasn't blushing and for that matter the only one being stupid is you, just leave it Serena'' he got angry and pulled a pillow over his head

''So there is something, well you leave me no choice but to figure it out myself'' she threatened

''Fine'' he shouted emerging from under his pillow ''I ran into her today in the library and then we had coffee and she left and it's frustrating. Is that what you wanted to hear?'' it was even more. Blair Waldorf, the perfect one, sipping coffee with her Brooklyn step brother alone? Does Nate know? Well he will

''Here in New York we use a calm tone whilst talking to people and we don't spit in their face'' she made a bitchy comment and turned to leave

''Get the hell out'' he muttered covering his face with a pillow one more time

''You're showing your finesse at its best today Humphrey, aren't you?''

''What's with the smile? I thought you were mourning over losing Nate freaking Archibald'' Penelope muttered, un amused

''Not anymore….but….I know who soon could be''

* * *

It was Thursday, and she couldn't hate the day more, specifically this one. Not only that she didn't share any classes with Nate like on usual Thursday, this one he wasn't even here, he was at some lacrosse competition with his team, so she couldn't even see him today.

So she was sitting there, trying to pay attention to algebra or whatever, but not really. She only ever thought of Nate for that matter. She should be more careful though. Last week she got in to trouble for accidentally writing Blair Archibald on the top of her paper, the teacher thought she was trying to cheat, and she didn't feel like explaining in front of the whole class of how she can't get her mind of her boyfriend and thinks of him nonstop, so she just let it pass.

She wasn't the only one with that problem. Nate got kicked out of English class for texting Blair during the entire time. Explaining the professor of how she's the one who gives him inspiration and helps him write better essays didn't work also.

She smiled at the thought of him and realized just how much she missed him already.

Her day has been one of the most boring ones so far, just then she realized how boring her life all together was before Nate. She dragged herself over the school yard trying to find a peaceful spot to spend her lunch break at. She just wanted the time to herself and didn't feel like fighting of a group of her " new formed minions". The only normal person she met and actually liked at this school, besides Nate of course, was Vanessa. The girl seemed down to earth and nice, unlike other stuck up bitches at this school.

Vanessa didn't care about money or dressing up like a Barbie, and still maintained interesting and magnetic to people. Her and Blair shared the same views on life and it was nice to spend time with someone like that.

But Vanessa was nowhere around right now, so she was left all by her lonesome.

She sat on the bench near St Jude and checked her phone. She put it away and decided to just enjoy the day. It was beautiful outside. The rain was finally gone and it started to look more like spring. She inhaled the most of the NY air she could manage, and got determined to turn this day around. She would walk around a little, listen to those two lessons she has left, go home and go shopping with Robin and hopefully by 7 Nate would be here and they would go to their favorite spot in the central park and…well… there would be an amazing make out session. It was a perfect plan.

''Blair?'' she was lightly startled by someone behind her. She turned her head slightly to the right and frowned a bit in surprise

''Dan?'' she smiled ''What are you doing here?''

He shifter a bit and ran his fingers through his curly hair ''I go to this school too you know?'' he smiled ''-and for the record, you stole my spot'' he pointed to the bench

He was a little relieved she was alone, and well curious, it was weird seeing her without that Nate guy. He tried to catch her alone for some time this week but she was always with him. so he just decided to forget about it. Only now, seeing her alone, he couldn't resist

''So where's your boyfriend?'' he asked a little unease, she did look kind of sad. He hated himself a bit for immediately hoping they had a fight or even broke up. That was so not Dan, he was always the moral guy, but this girl made him forget about that.

''He has a lacrosse competition going on, he's not present now'' she said looking up at him. She could swear she saw his face fell a bit. No, she was probably imagining, or did she only see what she wanted to. Was it possible that she wanted him to be jealous? And why? ''So, yeah''

He nodded and shifted one more time

''Well I don't want to hog your bench'' she said and begin to collect her stuff

''No…wait, it's a pretty big bench. I think we can both hog it'' he said and smiled, she laughed a bit and his heart fluttered

''Fine'' she said and put her purse back down, much to Dan's distaste she put it right between them, like she was trying to create a barrier

''So what are you up to today?'' he asked her curious

''I don't know, probably just walk around a bit and that stuff'' she knew exactly what she wanted to do, but it wasn't that appropriate to talk about making out with your boyfriend to the other guy

''What? You seen lost now that Nate's not here'' he said with just a pinch of bitterness

Blair raised her eyebrows ''Excuse me?''

''Sorry, I didn't mean it in a bad way, it's just that it seems like you're spending all of your time with him, and when he's gone you're a little desperate, don't you think''

This conversation was getting kind of weird

''Are you saying I depend on my boyfriend?'' she asked cautiously, monotone. He didn't answer, he just frowned a bit and raised an eyebrow at her

''I do not'' she raised her voice a bit, sounding like a little girl, pissed she didn't get the dolly she wanted for Christmas. He just laughed at her defense and shook his head

''It's true, Nate and I don't depend on each other, not the clingy way. We just care, okay'' she said and crossed her arms at her chest kind of pissed

''I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything'' he said and smiled apologetically, he put his arm behind her back, resting it on the bench. Sure it was not intentional but to someone it might look like his arm was around her, Blair didn't like the idea of that happening, let alone Nate finding out some guy was putting the moves on her, although he was just doing an innocent gesture. Then again, maybe it wasn't that innocent.

Serena grinned to herself, satisfied that her random going out to the local bakery turned to something oh so much more interesting. Sneaky little Dan, and there she thought he was the innocent one. She quickly snapped one more picture of her bellowed stepbrother and Nate's bellowed girlfriend on the bench. She had a wild urge to press send and make Nate jealous as hell but she stopped herself. She would simply have to be patient some more. She was sure Dan would hook things up even more and make this job easier on her.

''I should go'' she stood up immediately as he placed his arm "around" her.

''Oh no….I mean I wasn't'' he removed his hand and looked at her innocently and nervously all at once, he really had no intention to make it out like it did

''I know….I just…I have to go'' she said and left

''Blair…I'm…..a moron'' he muttered the last part to himself and hit his head against his palm, realizing what a fool he just made himself look in front of her.

* * *

''I'm on my way'' she whispered sexily in the phone, getting her Loubutins on ''You know it's a good thing you won….cause now you get your special prize'' she added

''Oh really?'' he replied just as playfully ''And what would that be?''

''You're gonna have to wait and see'' she teased and hung up

''Mom, I'm going out'' she shouted getting out

''Don't stay out late''

''Yeah, yeah'' she got out, she was greeted by the cold New York air, it was incredible how weather changes in just hours. She tied her coat tighter and started walking faster, anxious to finally see Nate

She was already there when a mop of blinding blond hair wrapping her arms around Nate stopped her. What the actual fuck? A little weight was lifted from her heart when she saw Nate clearly pushing her away, still, he laughed at something she said. She thought they weren't even talking. And then she forgot that she was the one practically sneaking around with another guy, it was just coffee though, nothing like that hug a minute before. She took cover behind a pretty wide pine and watched their exchange cautiously

''Serena?'' he was thrown by her presence and her hug. He pushed her away lightly. What the hell? Why was she hugging him? why was she even here?

''What are you doing here?'' he asked smiling a bit, he was trying to be nice, he hoped he could just get rid of her easier this way so he just smiled to another pointless thing she said.

''Well we are friends now, is that so weird?'' she said bubbly

He just raised an eyebrow and looked at her a little uncertain ''Yeah, well listen I should go'' and where the hell to? He should be meeting Blair here, in like a minute.

''Oh well I have to go anyways, it was nice seeing you though'' she said and smiled a fake considerate smile

''Sure'' anything to make her go away, anything. He was getting desperate

''Bye'' she waved and finally headed to another direction. He was relieved. Blair finally got back on the road and started messing with her hair approaching him. She just wanted a distraction.

He smiled widely seeing her and hugged her tightly, kissing her.

She decided to push what have just happened a moment ago and pretend it didn't.

She smiled at him, although inside she was burning with jealousy.

''I'm so glad I finally got to see you'' he breathed out, gently caressing her cheek ''I really missed you today''

''I missed you too'' she really did, but just like she couldn't put Nate of her mind the whole day, now…she couldn't put Nate and Serena off of it.

* * *

Hope you liked it. Don't forget to review ;)) xo L


	11. Two can play that game

Hey guys, the update is here as usual. Some of you said that you are dreading that this might turn into a Dair fanfic, need I remind you that it's a Nair story? :DD I'm a hardcore Waldibald and there's no way I'll ever be anything more. But as I said before, Dair fans will get their satisfaction also. So before this gets longer than the actual chapter as per usual, I should get to the story. Enjoy and don't forget to leave a review!

This is a pretty strong and emotional chapter, like the other ones to come.

I do not own any songs or characters used, just the ideas.

* * *

_Life's too short to even care at all  
I'm losing my mind, losing my mind, losing control_

He never truly understood those depressive lifeless people that would just stare through the window for hours, watching the world go by. Today he did. it was exactly what he felt like doing.

The shades of gray painting the New York skyline were like an inside look of his soul right now, lifeless, pointless.

The glass finally steamed off, a result of how cold it really was in the room, not just his heart. He could see his drained out presence and instantly felt sick.

And there he thought only Vicodin could make him feel numb.

The deadly silence surrounding him was a further reminder of how alone he really was. Only now and then you could hear a "beep"

Beep. Beep. Beep.

It was the worst and most depressing sound ever. Even though the beeping sound was a relatively good thing, he just wanted it shut down. A little part of him even dared to think of what a relief would a long unbroken '' beep'' sound bring.

Here he was, staring out of the goddamn window, letting it absorb his pain. The only reason he was doing it, was the fear that if he turned around, he would be forced to face reality. And he just couldn't cope with that right now.

Then out of nowhere a snowflake. The most fragile little snowflake falls from way up high and slowly melts with the reflecting glass.

Blair would be thrilled.

Blair.

The one who would stood by him through everything.

The one he only ever truly loved.

The one who was probably freaking in and out of her head right now.

And he couldn't even return her calls or tell her that it's okay.

That's cause it's not okay. Nothing is okay. And it's like Blair hasn't been through enough drama with him already. So he decides to let it slide. If he only knew he was building towards a disaster.

Just about then the sound he dreaded for fills the room. And he's not alone anymore.

The cold room fills with noise, everyone around him is freaking out, talking rapidly, making crazy movements. And he can't even flinch.

Even when the woman grabs his hand, pulling him away, he doesn't even budge.

''Sir you've got to leave the room, I promise we'll do our best to save your father, just let us do our job''

So he lets go and leaves that god awful room.

His phone rings once again, and he can't answer, he just can't. Like she didn't do enough for him already. Besides if she was here, he was sure he would break down completely, that's just the affect she had on him. And he needed to be strong now. For his mother, for his father, for himself. For Blair.

* * *

''Damn it'' she said and threw her phone away from her in frustration.

''Blair have you seen-'' Robin emerged as always. She turned her back to her and blinked rapidly, trying to seem as normal as possible

''What's wrong?'' she couldn't fool her. She never really could

''Nothing'' she said turning around and passing her a fake smile ''why would something be wrong?''

''Were you crying''

''No'' she said straight ahead ''I'm just a little emotional, no reason'' her phone buzzed and excite her immediately. Her pupils dilated as she grabbed it right ahead hoping it was Nate.

It wasn't. it was Dan. She declined the call and threw her phone back.

''What was that all about''' Robin asked raising her eyebrow

''What was what all about? You know what, never mind. Just leave me alone,okay?'' she hissed and closed herself into her bedroom bathroom.

She heard a light knock.

''I said please leave me alone'' she pleaded

''No'' Robin replied seriously ''You're my sister and something is obviously wrong. I'm not leaving until you say what it is''

She knew there was no way out now. And she could use someone to talk to. Someone to convince her Nate wasn't doing it on purpose. Someone to set her brain straight and calm her down.

''I haven't heard from Nate in two days'' she said sadly and opened the door letting Robin in. She sat down on the cold marble floor next to her. ''He hasn't been in school. He isn't returning my calls. I don't know where he is or is he okay….I'm….I'm losing my mind Robin-'' she broke in to cry

''Shhh'' she put her arms around her fragile younger sister ''Maybe it's nothing. Maybe he just needs some time to think or something. Did you have a fight maybe?''

''No. everything was fine-'' but it wasn't. Blair was dreading for the worst. What if this had something to do with his former "drug problem" or his father or… she was so scared for him. And he was giving her nothing. ''-I'm just afraid he's going to hurt himself'' she said and stood up going to her room.

Robin stared after her, utterly confused ''Hurt himself, what the hell are you talking about Blair?''

''Nothing, just please…leave me alone'' she breathed out before pulling her comforter over herself. She just wanted isolation and Nate, at least she could have one thing. Unfortunately it wasn't the one she was hoping to score.

She needed a distraction. Then she remembered Dan called her a moment ago. She took her cell out and called him back. Anything to get her mind off of Nate.

''Hello'' he asked excitedly. He almost choke on the water he was previously drinking when he saw she was calling

''Hey….you called?'' she asked. Her voice was down. He could only imagine that Nate asshole doing something with it

''Yes. But hey, what's wrong?'' he couldn't help but feel concern

''Nothing'' why was everyone suddenly so concerned for her, it's not like they usually care. But wait. Nate does…and where is Nate now? Nobody the fuck knows.

''Well I just called to ask if you want to hang out if you're free or something'' it took all the courage he could muster to ask her, even though he knew she was going to reject him. Why? Nathanial Fucking Perfect Archibald

''Oh….I'm not really in the mood right now. I'm pretty down. Some other time though. As friends of course.''

''Yeah sure'' as friends….as friends

''Well…bye'' she said sadly and hung up

She spent the next few minutes starring at her windows, not even looking out, just starring. Then it started snowing. She couldn't love a thing more. But right now she hated it, she hated everything around her. She hated this bed, her room, the snow, everyone around her.

She desperately took her phone and decided to call him one last time. She was as miserable as it gets… she was miserable without him.

* * *

''Nate'' she said and threw her arms around him. She was getting in to the habit and Nate didn't like it one bit. He just couldn't bother to care right now.

He smiled poorly and continued to pointlessly stare at the irritating grey walls.

''My dad told me. Is he okay? What did they say?'' she took a seat next to his and took his hand in hers. He looked down and pulled his hand back, slowly breaking her heart. If she did have one.

'' He had a heart attack… they put him on some kind of treatment now… it's not even accurate if it's going to work… they are fighting for his life'' he said without emotion and stood up abruptly

''I just need a walk, you'll be okay here, right?'' and he left her there, before hearing her answer

Not a minute after his phone rang. Seeing who was calling him she knew exactly what to do

''Hello?'' she said, faking happiness

No. No. No. This wasn't happening. No.

''I…I….Is Nate here'' she was already on the verge of her tears. The blonde on the other side could hear it. She didn't care on slight. That bitch stole her prince, it was time to get him back

''No, it's Serena. I mean this is his phone. He left it here-'' it wasn't convincing enough ''-in my apartment'' that was

Blair was breaking inside out. Not in a million years she though he was going to do that to her.

''Oh…where is he?'' she said trying to sound as sharp and normal as possible, but failed

''He's in the shower. I'll tell him to call back'' she said, her voice pure sugar

''Don't'' she hissed and hung up.

There was just one thing to take care of. She opened the phone up and took the battery out. It was wrong, she knew it was. But she was just getting back what was once hers. Nate appeared looking as glum as he was before. She quickly hid the battery in her pocket and slipped his phone back to his seat. He was too exhausted to even notice

''You look really tired…maybe you should go home with me and get some rest'' she suggested, sending him another fake smile

''I'm not going anywhere. Especially not with you. Stop trying to play it off like we're fine, we're not. Would you just leave…please'' he said sharply.

She stood up and nodded, she was clearly pissed off.

''Suit yourself''

* * *

''Blair?''' he asked hopefully, still trying to live with the fact that this is the second time she called him today. He could barely hide his excitement

''I changed my mind. I want to go out'' her voice was weird. She sounded really angry, but there was pure sadness obvious in that voice.

''What made you change your mind?'' why was he even asking, he should just say he would pick her up and that's it

''That's not important. So are you in or what''

''Pick you up in 20''

Nate Archibald took two months and three days of her life away, all of those, she spent at least 10 hours crying ( counting the last three hours of not being able to breathe and live with the fact that he probably cheated on her), he took away hours and hours of sleep, and any chance at having a normal life from her. It was time to take it back.

So she wiped the running mascara of her face and the ache in her heart away. The person she loved more than anything ruined her. Well….two can play that game

Just as she was about to start a war, a sound she was waiting for two whole days and nights filled the room. The name displayed on the screen? No other than Nate Archibald

What do you do now?

* * *

Sort of a cliff hanger. If you'd like to read more, please leave a review. Till the next chapter xo


	12. No answer

I am finally here with an update. Sorry it took me so long, I had some health issues. Anyhow everything's all right now and I'm ready to rock this fiction.

I don't own any characters or songs used, just the ideas

Song: Dead and gone

* * *

''Yeah and then they got over there and bought a space ship'' he said seriously

''Oh, cool'' she said and sipped another sip of her coke

''Yeah. They also flew in to space that day, you know since they bought it, it would be a shame not to'' he continued his charade

''Fascinating'' she murmured and sipped some more

''Blair….Blair'' he said a little louder breaking her out of her thoughts

''Oh what? I mean sorry, yes that is great.'' She blabbered and offered him a wide smile. He was looking at her all confused. She frowned a bit ''What?''

''Oh nothing. Are you okay?'' he asked her cautiously, she was zoning out every five minutes, he could only suppose what…or who…was on her mind

''Yes. Why wouldn't I be'' she straightened herself and smiled some more. She tried to look as interested as possible, and talking about Monet and his works of art were always dear to her, she just had a lot on her mind right now.

''Because I just told you that people who passed by us bough a space ship and flew in to space and you responded with "Oh, cool"

Shit. Was she really that un concentrated? She shook her head a bit at her shenanigans and smiled apologetically.

''I'm so sorry….it's been a hard day, trying to get over it''

''Just tell me what happened'' he asked for the millionth time this night

She raised her head and finally looked at him. Her eyes missed their usual shine and she looked like someone drained the life out of her.

* * *

''Are you fucking kidding me?'' he yelled ''My father is in the hospital and you find this to be the right time to screw with my life? I mean seriously. What else did you tell her?'' he demanded from her

''I didn't tell her anything'' she defended herself

''Yeah, and I suppose my phone battery just accidentally fell in to your purse, right?''

''I just wanted you to get some peace, and you wouldn't give anyone your phone so I took it out, I was meaning to put it back later. I swear''

''Oh come on S…even you can come up with a better lie than that'' she just remained quiet and shifted her gaze to the gray wall behind him. Things were not going as planned, especially when she ran into Nate going out of the hospital and spilled her entire purse over him, including his battery

''She's not answering, of course she isn't, she thinks I'm cheating on her or whatever pitiful thing you told her'' he said frustrated once again, Blair still wasn't answering

''Oh you think she's so perfect. You don't even know the things she does when you're not around''

Nate's brows furrowed, she knew she hit his soft spot now. Leave it to Nathanial Archibald to be a jealous controlling boyfriend, he knows how to. Time to stir the wheel a little more, maybe her plan wasn't so over now, was it?

''Really are you that pathetic?'' he wouldn't let her get to him. By now he was immune to her stupidity.

''So she is totally honest?'' she asked matter of factly, Nate just rolled her eyes ignoring her. He turned around to return to the hospital

''Like she told you that's she's been seeing Dan for a while now?''

He abruptly stopped.

''Excuse me?'' he said, his voice was venom

''I asked if you know that your precious innocent Blair has been seeing my step brother for a while now''

''No she isn't, she would have told me''

''Oh but would she….I think that one of you is indeed cheating, it just isn't our obvious guess''

''Goodbye Serena'' he said and left once more

''Oh how stupid can you be?'' she yelled and grabbed him by his arm, pulling him backwards. He shook her hand angrily off

''I said it's enough''

''You don't believe me?''

''Why in the hell I would-'' his voice instantly dropped, just like his heart. She noticed his face fell right away. His eyes were widening and he uncounciously shook his head a bit.

''This picture says otherwise'' she knew she would use that bench incident somehow soon ''It was on the day of your lacrosse game, when you were out of town, remember?''

He just stared in shock. This was not supposed to be happening. Not with Blair. She was supposed to be different and honest with him.

''This proves nothing'' denial

''So call her one more time. I'm sure when Dan is finished with her, she will finally call back'' she took her phone from his hands and walked away, without Nate Archibald under her arm, but another accomplishment that is.

He took his iphone out with shaky hands and hit speed dial one more time. He had to know, it was killing him.

* * *

''I think Nate's cheating on me'' she practically whispered and looked the other way, feeling tears that were about to overflow on the limit. She blinked them rapidly away and continued playing with her straw. There was a brief moment of silence

''How can you be sure, I mean, how do you even know?'' he asked. She didn't want to talk about it, but then, being quiet was even worse

''I called him earlier today, and after two days of not answering my calls he finally did. Well Serena did, she said he was in the shower'' her voice broke ''-you can do the rest of the math''

Dan frowned, he knew Serena was possible of horrible things but this was just awful, as much as he was sure she made the whole thing up just to provoke Blair. But he didn't let that slip. Hell he wanted Blair also, for some time now, and if that Nate guy can't be enough of a man to her, he would be.

''Serena, his ex?'' he knew it was a mistake the minute he asked. Her eyes glossed again. she abruptly got up and excused herself

''I just need to use the ladies room'' and she stormed off, leaving her stuff behind.

A minute after she left, her phone buzzed, it was for the umpteenth time today and he had enough of it. He picked the phone without looking at who was calling and answered

''Blair's phone''

And at that exact moment, Nate Archibald was already murdering Daniel Humphrey in his mind. Sadly, the hard part wasn't over yet

''Mr. Archibald'' one of the nurses ran over to him, it only meant one thing. ''I'm so sorry to inform you, but….we lost your father'' it was the last thing he would remember for the next few days.

* * *

''Hello? Hello?'' the person on the other side of the line hung up. Weird, who would be calling her all day and then hung up when someone answered.

''Blair?'' she came out rushing, then started picking her stuff from the table quickly and showing her coat on to her. Her eyes were red and she was still crying, she looked extremely upset ''What happened'' he asked worried

''Nate's father just died'' she cried ''It was on the local news, I just passed the TV when it was on'' she murmured quickly while she rapidly pushed her belongings in her purse. ''I need to go and see him-''

''Blair he just called'' he informed her. She frowned a bit

''What? He called…and….and I wasn't there. Oh my God. I need to go and see him and…'' she stormed out

''Well-'' she was already out

* * *

It was the longest ride she ever remembered having. She couldn't believe she would fall for all the lies Serena has told her while Nate's father was dying all along. That brought along another river of questions. Why didn't he told her? She would have been there…Was he afraid of showing his weakness? Will he turn to drugs again? Shivers went down her spine

''We're here miss'' she threw a twenty at the driver and stormed out. There were already some reporters all over the place and the crowd was blocking her way in. She spotted Nate's mother coming out and breaking through them all

''Anne, where's Nate'' she asked reaching her

''I…I don't know. He just stormed out…I guess he's…he's at home'' the devastated woman spoke, even though Blair never oficially met her, she knew it didn't matter right now. She gave her a reassuring embrace and said her sorrys

It was like a walk towards death going her way to his room. As much as she wanted nothing more but to see him, she dreaded their meeting. She was beyond afraid of what she might come in to.

No matter how much Nate disagreed and fought with his father, she knew he respected him and wanted his approval over anything. And now, he was just dead. He wasn't coming back

_I turn my head to the East__  
__I don't see nobody by my side__  
__I turn my head to the West__  
__Still nobody in sight__  
__So I turn my head to the North__  
__Swallow that pill that they call pride__  
__That old me is dead and gone_

She slowly pushed the knob and count down from three.

Three…you can do it, he needs you….

Two…no matter what you walk in to….

One…you need to be there for him, you need to save him from himself.

Just like her heart felt, the room was empty.

She quietly pushed pass the door and came in. It was the worst thing she could imagine.

She rushed across the room, stepping over some of Nate's stuff in order to reach his room closet. The closet doors were widely opened. The drawers abruptly taken out, half of his clothes dished out, and for what? A white cardboard box, the one filled with his stash of "pain relievers"

She angrily took the box out and pulled out a half empty bottle of Vicodin. Of course.

But she couldn't be mad at him now. Panic swept all over her as she wildly scanned the room, trying to find any other trace of him being here today.

Nate promised her he wouldn't turn to pills again, he swore he wouldn't.

A dull fall suddenly filled the room, scaring her. It was coming from the bedroom bathroom. Yes, there he was.

She immediately stood up and grasped the knob.

Locked.

She started knocking on the door in panic. ''Nate? Nate please'' she pleaded through her tears ''Open up''

No answer.

* * *

_To be continued_

I hope you liked it. Don't forget to review if you'd like to read more, xo L


	13. A walking dead man

Well I am pretty depressed about the lack of reviews up here D: I said I will continue writing no matter what but a little more feedback would be great. This way it makes me feel like my writing skills have gotten bad.

But overall, I'm back on track. I know these last few chapters weren't the best ever, I had some problems, but now I can fully commit to this story. Hope it turns out better than before. We roll…

Just to warn you, it's a pretty heartbreaking chapter

I do not own any characters or songs used, just the ideas.

* * *

Just one more. The biggest lie he ever told himself. Just one more drag….just one more time….just one more pill. It wasn't just one more. It was a lot, lot more.

And they didn't do their job, so he thought he would just take more and more till he passes out. At least then he could feel nothing.

Well truth to be told he already felt like that. He just couldn't admit it. How do you even come to peace with the fact that you're no one? His father always told him that…why he couldn't just believe him. If you put aside all the criticism, yelling, undermining and putting him down, at least he was honest with him. As it turns out the only honest person in his life so far.

It was only a matter of time when everyone else would realize he was worth nothing. Including his so called girlfriend. The one who was punching furiously at the door his back was against. The one who was desperately calling his name. The one who to say betrayed him. Even she thought some Brooklyn underdog was better than him.

And who was he to judge her? He only ever gave her pain. Pain masked by the fake happiness she thought she felt while she was with him. Well he would make her suffer no more.

She was already about to give up when she heard movement from the other side of that damned door. She stepped away lightly and felt her heart flutter in a mixture of adrenaline, relief and fear as she watched the door open.

Then all those emotions turned to disbelief.

The person before her wasn't Nate. It wasn't him. It was some destroyed stranger with bloodshot eyes, coming out of hell the smoke around him was creating.

Her lips trembled as she begged her voice to start working. Her mouth opened but instead of words, a painful whispery cry came out.

But that was just preparation for the coldness she was about to face.

He walked right by her, not even sparing her a glance.

''What are you doing here'' his words dug through like a sharpened knife. There was no emotion in that voice, other than hatred. Her body responded with another silent cry while she struggled to speak

''I…I'm…I'm here for you-'' she hated how vulnerable she was around him ''-I'm so sor-''

''-no you're not'' he shot right out making her shiver

''Nate..what are you-'' she shook her head a bit. Of course he was making no sense, he had every right to. And he had every right to be mad, so she would let him ''-Yes I am'' she said firmly and felt satisfied that she finally found the strength to talk to him

''You are not okay, you need someone…I am here for you'' she spoke quietly as she stepped closer to him and took his hand gently in hers, careful not to startle him.

She looked him in the eyes, hoping she would see that sincerity and love she always saw… only now they were two dark empty pools of despair…there was no twinkle…no shine.

His eyes wandered around and suddenly stopped, spotting something.

He abruptly took his hand out of hers and walked around her, towards his room closet and the box which previously had pills in it.

''Where are they?'' he shouted furiously. He never raised his voice at her, let alone shouted. He turned around and faced her concern expression. She remained quiet.

''Blair I asked where are they'' he shouted one more time getting closer to her. And for the first time in her life she felt utterly scared of him. She took a step back and wiped one of the teardrops she swore herself won't drop.

''You don't need them'' and now she shouted back

He came even closer and grabbed her hand pulling her towards him ''Give them to me'' he was furious. Blair struggled with him and tried to push him away but failed.

''No'' she shouted back ''Let go of me Nate, you're hurting me''

''Blair give them to me'' he grabbed both of her shoulders and made real eye contact for the first time in a while. Just seeing fresh tears sliding down her porcelain skin made him realize what he was doing. His eyes teared up and he immediately released her from his grip and collapsed to the floor.

He shut his eyes as tightly as humanly possible, trying to forget the fact how he just hurt the person he would give his life for. His Blair…his sweetheart…the one who every only did him right and put up with all of his crap.

He felt her shaking form fall on her knees right next to him, her tiny arms throwing themselves around his shoulders, embracing him. His strong arms took her form in and held her like it was their last time…and maybe…just maybe because it was. Like he promised himself, he would make her suffer no more.

''You can go to him. I'm setting you free'' he whispered against the gentle skin of her neck and inhaled that sweet scent of chocolate, mint and roses one last time before setting her free from his grip…and himself.

He stood up reluctantly and heard her footsteps behind him, trying to follow through the mess he put her through.

''Nate…what are you talking about?'' she asked, her voice small

''I said I'm setting you free. You can go and be with him now. There's nothing attaching you to me anymore'' his tone was firm and cold. It was the only way of letting her be. It may seem like it was making no sense to anyone besides him, but he knew exactly why he was doing this.

She let her pride go, she would stand by him no matter what, do whatever to make him happy…he needed to do the same for her now. She struggled for so long and he pushed away.

He wanted more than nothing for her to find her peace and happiness. And it wasn't happening with him. So even if he had to suffer in silence and live with a broken heart for the rest of his life, he would do it. For her… for his sweetheart.

''No. No. I..I want you… no one else'' she desperately tried to convince him

''Why? Why would you want someone like me? A monster…someone who only gives you pain?'' he raised his voice again, not to scare her, just to make her believe he was no good for her.

It has all come down to that moment. No matter how heart wrecking it was…no matter how painful or destroying. She never felt stronger for anyone.

''Because-'' her hazel glossing eyes pierced his with the intensity only a person in love could give you ''-I love you.'' she said without a doubt in her voice.

Nate's eyes widened. He was sure she could hear his heart which swelled with the love he felt for her. But he was already cursed. Cursed and poisoned. Blair deserved someone who will love her the way she deserves to. Only, he knew no one could ever love her as much as he does, and it broke him inside out. So that's what they call a heart break.

''Well-'' he shifted his gaze form hers, he couldn't watch the look she bared in her eyes while he was destroying her fragile little heart ''-that's just awful''

And he finally felt nothing…he felt nothing cause his heart was ripped out, and while his dad was clinically dead…Nate was a walking dead man.

* * *

Well I'm basically crying now. I just wanted to highlight the love Nate has for Blair, which is big and real. And he's ready to sacrifice for her. But there is a looooot more to this story, and if you'd like to read more, please leave a review, xo L


	14. I never stopped

Hey people. Sorry it took me so long to update. I just lost my inspiration…so I've been rewatching GG episodes that contained Nair and reading lots of fanfics and checking out a lot of NB dedicated blogs so I am fully charged with Nair. This chapter is most Nate, but it involves a lot of Blair too.

Thanks for the reviews and keep 'em coming, it really helps to feel appreciated

I do not own any characters or songs used, just the ideas are mine

* * *

_Session four_

''So that's when you realized this needs to stop?'' the woman hopefully asked

''No'' he answered bluntly. She fixed her eyes on him and raised an eyebrow, urging him to continue. But he didn't want to, so he just stayed quiet. It was all a big torture for him anyways. He didn't want to talk about it…_her. _He wanted to forget, he wanted for all of it to just fade away. This wasn't helping as promised.

''Nathanial I would appreciate your cooperation'' she said calmly. She was pretty thick and persistent; he had to give her that. From what he could gather in these few sessions, she turned out to be pretty nice and calm. It was good. It was a nice change to spend even an hour a day in that surrounding.

''I answered to all of your questions'' he said, his voice still monotone. He wasn't in the mood to be nice though, that emotional, sincere part of him died a long ago. Two months and 17 days to be exact.

''Sure, I appreciate that'' she put the legal pad on the ebony coffee table between them and fiddled with her glasses ''-but while you're giving me all the answers, you're still giving me nothing''

He just shrugged and decided to play stupid. It's what he did a lot lately. He let others run his life. It was easier that way; it was a lot easier to have people make decisions for you. He was never good at making them on his own anyways…

Seeing he still would not talk to her properly she decided to move pass the subject and move to the other one, she already had a feeling she would get less though. The next topic on the list was the only thing he never agreed to talk about. She tried, multiple times, but he would just keep quiet or get angry or nervous and demanded another topic.

''Okay. Let's move on'' he slightly nodded, his eyes were still fixed on the snow, she wondered if it had a deeper meaning, if the snow reminded him of _her._

''Are you ready yet?'' she said straight up earning a slight frown from him.

''Ready for what'' playing dumb, another thing she noticed he liked to do around her

''I think we both know what I'm talking about Mr. Archibald''

He looked up at her for the first time in three sessions and she could really see the hurt. His eyes were his giveaway and no amount of dumbfounded speech or angry fallouts could mask the pain he really felt.

''No'' and those sapphires, once again wandered over to the snowflakes melting against the fragile glass. She just couldn't help but ask, the suspense was killing her.

''Does it remind you of _her_?'' there were no objects or names pointed out but both of them knew exactly who the question was referred to.

His silence was all she needed to hear in order to know.

''I think we're done for today''

He sighed and pushed himself of the leather sofa. Just when he opened the door to leave I had to stop him to ease my mind also

''Nathanial wait-'' I stood up too, he was looking at me all confused ''- I know you think that this is pointless and that the only reason you're coming to our sessions is because you are pressured to in order to avoid rehab…but I really think that there's something behind that cold exterior and I really really hope one day you'll be ready to open up…and you know talk about it all, talk about her. You can't avoid it forever''

Yes he could. But once again he would say what she wanted to hear, he learned the tough way that if you say the wrong thing, people will give up on you and leave you…and he really needed for someone to believe in him right now.

''Well Dr. Allen, I hope so too''

* * *

It took two months and 19 days for it to happen. For what she dreaded the most. And it turned out as badly as she thought it would. All because she was so incredibly emotionally damaged. There was only one person to blame

* * *

''Blair would you please just talk to me?'' he pleaded from the other side of the door

At that exact moment she hated him, she hated him along with the rest of the world. Why couldn't they just leave her alone…just for a second.

''I am fine, just please…I'll talk to you tomorrow''

''Why won't you even tell me what happened?''

Nate Fucking Archibald. That's what happened. She managed to avoid him for two full months. Switch all of her classes to the ones she didn't have to share with him. Threw everything he ever got her away. Exiled everything blue from her surroundings and stopped wearing blue clothes cause they reminded her too much of his eyes. _Hey there Delilah_ was no longer on her ipod, along with _Faithfully_. The word love was no longer in her vocabulary; it no longer existed in her mind. Her boyfriend was a complete opposite. His skin was paler, hair black and curly, he had no man bangs, he was skinnier, had no interest in music. Kissing him tasted like coffee, it helped her forget. And that was okay.

All that blew up today when she ran into him going home from school. And she no longer liked the taste of coffee, she wanted chocolate, chocolate and Armani and for someone to hold her tight at night, run his fingers through her hair and sing Delilah to her.

And she hated herself for it.

It took her six nights of crying herself to slee,p to put herself together. One night for each month she spent in heaven with him. How ironic, cause now, she was in hell because of him.

* * *

_Session six_

''I'm ready to talk about her''

I looked up excited and utterly happy to hear I finally got trough my patient. I smiled lightly and gestured for him to take a seat.

There were so many questions, so many riddles, my first one being reasonable

''What made you finally give in Nathanial?''

He was as per usual looking out in to the white distance. That's when I realized. Today, for the first time since our first session, there were no snowflakes, the snow has stopped.

After a couple of agonizingly long minutes he finally spoke

''I miss her insanely…and if I don't scream or just talk about it to someone…anyone-'' he stopped and sighed deeply ''-I'm afraid I'm going to destroy myself completely…and no matter how much she hates me-'' his gaze fell down ''-it's going to destroy her too''

It was not the kind of answer I expected…but it was the one I hoped for.

* * *

_Session eight_

''I saw her today''

I was surprised to the calmness he held. But I knew better by now, if anything it only meant he was hurting too much to speak about it.

''Was it the first time after…'' my voice wandered. I wasn't sure if he was comfortable with me naming the situation. But after telling me the whole story during our last session, I couldn't help but feel utterly sorry for pushing him too hard in the beginning. So I decided to do this under his terms. He could speak when he wanted to, and I wouldn't be pressuring him.

''-after she told me she loved me and I turned my back on her?'' he will never forgive himself for that, it was killing him everyday more and more… ''Yes. It was the first time after that''

''How was it?'' I know this was hard on him, but he had to give me something, it was my job to get it out of him

''She cut her hair'' he said simply. Although it was the most random sentence to anyone else, she knew it held a lot of meaning to him. The way he said it…so lovingly.

''It's shorter now. I like it''

I nodded ''Is that all?''

''Yes''

It wasn't, but even this was a huge progress

* * *

She couldn't be happier; it was what she told herself. NYU was a great college and she was ecstatic to go. Her sister was there, and her boyfriend was going also. Besides there must be some musical program in there. But it wasn't Julliard…and Dan wasn't Nate. But Dan loved her, Nate didn't. And that was the problem.

''Blair?'' her mother came in her room, Blair immediately put a smile on her face, continuing with her fake happiness over NYU, her "dream college"

''I've got a letter for you'' she said and handed her the envelope

Blair's eyes went wide as she realized she was holding in her hands a Juilliard acceptance letter

''I….I got in to Juilliard?'' she asked her voice shaky, unsure if this was another one of her dream sequences and she would wake up any minute

''What?'' her mother smiled widely ''I didn't even know you applied, that's amazing Blair'' she hugged her

''That's the thing…I…I didn't even aply'' she said, her face hurt from smiling

* * *

_Session ten_

''College is coming soon, how do you feel about that?

''My emotions are mixed up…don't get me wrong, I am so incredibly happy that I've gotten Julliard. But still, I feel like I'm disappointing-'' he stopped, we reached another painful issue

''-your father?'' I asked sincerely

''Yes'' he said sadly

''Nate we've talked about this. Your father would've been proud of you. No matter what, you were his son, he loved you. You just need to find that peace again and do what you want to do. You deserve it. Stop apologizing for the privilege and start living.'' I smiled to him and surprisingly he smiled back. I was incredibly happy for him. Ever since our eighth session he's been nothing but open with me. We talked about everything. He had no urge to use pills again and was finally getting happy. There was still one unanswered question in his life though, and she was the majority of it all.

''What about Blair, what college is she attending this fall?'' I asked with ease, Blair was no longer a banned topic

He smiled a little suspiciously ''I hope Juilliard...''

It was more of a question than a statement, and he couldn't get the smile of his face

''Are you smiling cause you'd be seeing more of her if you would both attend Julliard or is there more to that story?''

''Blair sings. She is incredible actually, but she thinks she's never good enough and she never gives herself some credit. When we were together I tried to convince her to apply for Juilliard but she said that she's a joke-'' he stopped for a brief moment

''She didn't want Juilliard?''

''No, she did. It is her dream college. She just didn't believe in herself…but I did. So without her knowing I applied for her and... she got in, I got someone to give her, her acceptance letter''

''So she has no idea it was you?'' I smiled

''No, she has no idea. And I don't want her to know… I just want her to believe in herself like I do and-''

I put down my glasses

''You love her don't you?''

He looked up at me, hurt resurfacing in his eyes

''I never stopped''

* * *

The next chapter is N&B college style, even better, it has Nair interaction. So if you'd like to read more, please leave a review ;) xo L


	15. Bad girl hiding a vulnerable heart

Your update is here as usual, thanks for the reviews and of course keep them coming, they are really appreciated. There's nothing better than checking out fanifction net in the morning and finding out you have a bunch of new reviews waiting for you :D it makes me really happy, and hey, the more reviews the faster I update

Also, this one has more Nair interaction than last one, and it shows Blair in a different, hot edition ;)

I do not own any characters or songs used, just the ideas are mine

Songs: First time; I follow rivers

* * *

Don't cry. Just don't cry. Keep it together. You are Blair Waldorf. You're here for a reason, you're here 'cause you're the best of the best. Just don't cry…

''_You're my river running high_-'' take a breath, hold in your tears, by now she was surprised she had any left ''_-run deep run wild''_ and at this point she can take it no more, the lyrics remind her too much of him. He was- is her river, he is her everything. So she tortures herself with singing those deep love songs, they were the only thing she would allow herself to show weakness in.

So uncontrollably a tear escapes her eye. She hopes one of the judge teachers won't notice. They did. But they didn't take it as an act of weakness or suffering after her lost soul mate, they took it as an act of emotional performance.

''_I,I follow, I follow you…deep sea baby, I follow you''_ and she really would... she would follow him trough everything, but he didn't need her, he didn't want her. He didn't love her. That's when she decided, she would cry no more. He didn't deserve it.

''Excellent performance miss Waldorf'' one of the vocal coaches said ''You were really in to the song, weren't you….I mean you could see the emotion… I could swear I saw a tear, but it must be my bad vision then'' the woman laughed, Blair gave her a small nervous laugh back as she shrugged

''I just really get in to the song'' she reasoned her actions

''Well continue by those steps, I'd be happy to welcome you to our school'' the other woman said, her voice was sharp but sincere. Blair smiled big and nodded

''I'd be honored''

''I think our decision is pretty clear'' the third vocal coach proclaimed, Blair liked him the most. He looked like the nicest of all of them, sure his expressions were straight, his black suit was frightening and corporate but his eyes were his giveaway. They were perfect baby blues. She knew why her eyes caught on him first, he among thousands of other things surrounding her reminded her of _him_.

If the last time you saw Blair was three months ago and you're just seeing her now you would be shocked, or wouldn't recognize her at all. She was a whole new person inside out. She decided Juilliard would be her new start and that's how she wanted it to be.

Sure she was always beautiful and to say hot, but she held some kind of celibacy to her presence, she was a good girl. Only not so long ago she realized it was all a lie. The good girl act never got her anywhere. She lived in a world where sex and pretty faces get away with anything and nice people get used, left behind and stabbed in the back.

She should know…

Another big fear was the realization that Nate could possibly be here too. He always wanted Juilliard, just as much as she did. But after all those horrible things with his father maybe he chose a school of captain's preference in his honor.

Just to be sure, she rented an apartment in a building near the campus. She was here for about 5 days, and she didn't get a chance to meet her roommate yet, since the roommates classes started a week from now, or so the flat owner told her . She didn't know who it was, but she would get along with the girl…I guess

Her hair grew longer again, this time she decided not to cut it, she already lost enough with Nate, she wasn't about to lose her hair. It now hung in luscious waves the way it naturally does, only it wasn't neatly combed and on a straight line like it used to be. As a result from cold New York air and lost of Florida sun it became darker and thicker, much like her soul.

She dressed much differently, she no longer wore sundresses. They made her sick. Her daily attires included above-knee dresses, high heels, things that actually showed skin. Not to be fooled, all those stuff still were Chanel, Gucci, Prada, she hasn't lost her real self. She just admitted defeat and realized it was time to grow up, and this was the way of showing it.

It was obvious after only a week on Juilliard that she was the object of desire and lust for every possible guy on the campus. She hated to admit it, but she liked it. She liked all the attention, being bad and she liked the feeling of being wanted. What she also hated to admit was the fact that all of this was caused by Nate… and she hated him for it. She hated that even after breaking her heart and ruining her, he still unconsciously gave her the satisfaction she needed.

* * *

''So you have everything on paper up here…also here are the keys''

''Great, thanks man'' he said and turned towards the entrance. This was it, his whole future, everything he ever wanted... or so he thought. A little too late he discovered, it was the second thing he ever wanted the most, first of them being-

''Blair?'' he asked in disbelief. Was this actually happening, he hasn't seen her for about 9 months now, and he wasn't even sure it was real now. He dreamed about her so many times, maybe this was just his mind playing games with him

''Nate…hello?'' his friend waved a hand in front of his face. He shook out of his daze, his eyes still staring at the beautiful creature exiting the building

''What the hell bro?'' Jaden stared at his friend confused, Nate couldn't be bothered. Jaden's eyes wandered over to the direction Nate was looking and everything was clear

''Oh…dude that chick's like really hot'' he commented being a typical guy

''So I'm not making it up, she really is there'' he muttered to himself. And gosh, Jaden was right. he never saw her looking so...so... provocative, her hair was darker, messy, hot kind of messy, her dress showing more than covering. Not that he minded… it was like the night they got together, she still captured him like no one else ever did. It was like seeing her for the very first time.

_The world that I see inside you__  
__Waiting to come to life__  
__Waking me up to dreaming__  
__Reality in your eyes_

_Looking at you,__  
__Holding my breath,__  
__For once in my life__  
__I'm scared to death,__  
__I'm taking a chance,__  
__Letting you inside_

_I'm feeling alive all over again__  
__As deep as the sky that's under my skin__  
__Like being in love, she says, for the first time__  
__Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right__  
__Where I belong with you tonight__  
__Like being in love  
__to feel for the first time_

It took him 9 months to get himself together, almost a whole year to forget about her. And now, seeing her for 5 seconds and he was already in love with her again. It's not like he ever really stopped.

So she was here. This guaranteed dozens and dozens of sleepless nights for him to come. And the weird thing was, he actually wanted it to be this way. He wanted to suffer because of her. It would be a beginning of his silent redemption to her.

* * *

It was an hour later. After wandering through the cold New York air for some time, and getting his act together he decided now would be as perfect time as ever to occupy himself with a bunch of stuff to do, first of them moving in to his new apartment building.

He wasn't too thrilled about the whole roommate thing; he just wanted some peace to himself. But even that was better than actually staying on campus and living with the possibility of seeing her all the time, it would destroy him.

He finally found the right apartment and pushed the key in, slowly unlocking it.

''Everything's great. I will really miss you'' it was true, Dan's sudden decision to chose Yale really was sudden, she didn't even know he applied, but so was her decision to go to Juilliard. So now instead of both of them being at NYU, she was in NY and he was in New Haven. They were dating for 8 months now. He made her happy, he really did. He helped her forget and along the way trough recovery their relationship blossomed, she appreciated having him in her life.

Though it wasn't as real as she wanted it to be. She was really cautious with the 'L' word now and it hasn't slipped her lips since that damned day. The furthest they've gotten through were kisses and that was enough for now. She learned to enjoy those cofee kisses and let go of the chocolate ones...

''Me too, I wish I was there…or you were here''

''We'll make it someho-'' a noise coming from the hallway interrupted her

''Hello? Blair'' Dan asked from the other side of the line

'Oh sorry, I kind of have to go….I think my roommate is actually here...she better be bearable''

As the door opened both her phone and mouth dropped to the floor in an instant.

Nate finally pushed the knob and was 100 percent positive he was ready for a mental hospital. There before him, in a ridiculously small piece of cotton she dared to call shorts and a white tank top that just about revealed something lacy and what his late night fantasies were made of, stood no other than Blair Waldorf.

* * *

Yay! Are Nate and Blair going to be roommates? Is one of them immediately going to move out? What'll happen when Dan finds out? Remember, the more reviews I get the faster you get your update ;)) xo L


	16. Unspoken things, I see them in your eyes

Wow you guys, here I am with an update, much much earlier than usual because of the great feedback I got. So as I promised, the more you review the faster I update. The Nair roommate drama continues…or not?

NOTE: the apartment we are talking about is similar to the one Rachel and Kurt share on Glee, if you don't know what I'm talking about just google Rachel and Kurt's apartment and you'll see, there are practically no walls, just cover ups

We'll see ;)

I do not own any characters or songs used, just the ideas are mine

* * *

Nate shook his head a bit in disbelief. He had two theories in his mind right now.

One: this is all just a dream, she is not really standing before him, he's making it up.

Two: The universe must really hate him, so it's playing this sick kind of game with his heart and he's not sure he'll make it any longer without exploding.

His sapphire eyes nervously spied her hazel ones, and they bare the same confusion as his ones. So they just stood there. Time stilled, and those few seconds seemed like eternity.

He waited for this exact moment for so long, for the moment he will finally see her, but at the same time he dreaded of it.

She took a long deep breath and shook her head, reminding herself to breathe and get out of her comatose state. She quickly bended down and picked her sidekick closing it, not minding the fact that Dan still was on the other side of the line waiting for her to respond.

It took a lot of courage to do her next move, but she found it. She wasn't that scared little girl anymore, that weak silhouette was far gone, all because of the person standing in front of her. At this point she didn't know whether to be furious or partially thankful. Two things were for sure.

One: she hated him

Two: she knew deep inside that number one is a lie

''What the hell are you doing here?'' she snapped suddenly, scaring him one bit.

She saw a track of pain crossing his gorgeous chiseled features and grabbed on to the counter near her. If it weren't there for support she would have probably fainted.

Judging by her ''welcome'' it was obvious to Nate she was still hurting and had no intention to forgive him for what he'd done to her, maybe ever.

He cleared his throat and tried to put himself together, tried to get all of this to make sense in his head.

''This is my new apartment-'' she raised her eyebrows at him, and not in a sexy daring kind of way she usually did, this time it was in a terrified kind of way

''No, this is my new apartment. Where is my roommate, she should have been here by now, what kind of crap are you trying to pull on me now?'' she asked furious. This was to expect from him actually. She wouldn't be surprised if he found out she bought this and sabotaged her arrangement just to crash on her territory and run over her again. Like once wasn't enough. She had a wild urge to slap him and send him to hell so she held on to the counter tighter.

_What kind of crap is he pulling on her? _It was so typical of Blair, what else could he expect? Everything was his fault, even if he had no fucking idea what was going on. Great now he was getting angry too. This isn't going to end well.

''Excuse me?-'' he started but soon got cut off by her

''-Yes exactly. What? Did you think that you could just turn on the innocent guy act and I would run in to your arms like nothing has happened? Get out'' she yelled and turned her back on him going towards her bedroom, which wasn't really escaping from him since there were no actual walls dividing them.

''-No.'' he said calmly and put his duffel bag on the floor. She turned around glaring at him and coming closer. He got dizzy when that whip of chocolate, Chanel and roses hit him

''I said get out!'' she yelled while she pushed against his chest. He didn't bother. He hated to admit but he actually enjoyed it. It was all still sick and it made him want to punch a wall or something but at the same time it was a reminder of the chemistry they once had…and obviously still was there.

''I said no. I rented this out, if you have a problem with it go'' he was surprised of how much control and courage he had to confront her like that. Apparently so was she. Her eyes widened and her mouth turned in to a straight line. Just when she was about to give him another huge piece of the cake that was her mind the front doors opened.

''Oh you're both here. That's great, I just need you to sign this and the apartment is yours'' the flat owner guy said

Blair put on her bitch face and snapped ''I'm not doing anything with this heartless jackass''

The guy looked at them quizzically as Nate rolled his eyes and sighed annoyed

''Listen-'' her face turned soft, it was the fake kind of sincerity which Nate recognized in a second. Her lips slightly pouting, her eyes kind and doe like, the corners of her mouth curving, her eyelashes batting one too many times ''-there must be some kind of a mistake. Now you can tell me honestly, I won't even be mad-''

''-oh yes she will'' Nate cut in and Blair elbowed his ribs earning a muttered groan

''-did he give you money to send my real roommate to some other apartment and pushed himself in to the arrangement consciously? Whatever he paid you I'll pay you double'' now she had crazy eyes going on. The guy stepped back looking in between them.

''Look I don't know what kind of break downs you had in here but this is pure business, and no, the young gentleman did not give me money'' he said calmly and tried to continue but Blair cut him off again

''So you're just going along with it, he must have given you a lot then'' no, no, no. she just refused to believe Nate was right and this was destiny getting them back together. It was Nate's fault and that was it, she was determined

''For God's sake Blair, stop it'' Nate snapped at her

''Don't you yell at me'' she yelled

He took a deep breath collecting himself. ''I am not yelling-'' he said calmly ''-now could you please stop the classic Blair Waldorf meltdown and sign the goddamn lease''

She looked at him for a moment then turned to the guy. Both of the guys thought she was finally going to give in but no such luck

''I still don't believe him'' she stated and walked towards her bedroom once again. Something stopped her though

''Here it is. Mr. Archibald reported he was interested in the apartment on August 2nd, you however reported your interests on August 17th. So it was impossible for him to know you were taking the apartment. I have no time for this charade anymore so I'll just leave the lease papers here and come back tomorrow morning. ''

A wave of desperation hit her. She couldn't…it took too long for her to learn how to control her tears around him, let along see him. The idea of them sharing an apartment was not an option, it was self destruction.

''Wait, isn't there like another available apartment in the building, it's huge, are you telling me there's absolutely nothing left?''

The guy gave her one last annoyed look ''During the college season, especially in this part of NY, no'' he said and left.

Nate looked up to the sealing and then back to Blair, but she still refused to look back. Then out of nowhere she grabbed her coat and left slamming the doors after her.

* * *

Everyone promised her a new start is always brighter. Well what if you can't have a new start? What if you're stuck on the dark side and there's no way out.

She wiped yet another tear and shut her eyes tightly. Sure everyone was staring at the girl who was sitting on a bench alone, crying her heart out in public. She just didn't give a damn any more; after all, crying in front of a bunch of New Yorkers was better than crying in front of Nate. Now she didn't even have a home to go to. Her parent's home was way too far, this was the third building with no available apartments in this area, Juilliard dorms were filled and going back to the apartment where Nate was, would feel like suicide.

An hour later of debating she finally dragged herself back to the place she dreaded to go. She counted down from five 'till she finally opened the door. The moment she stepped in his eyes pierced hers like daggers, only he was able to do this to her, to melt the ice surrounding her. She could see worry written all over his usually gentle features

''You've been crying'' it was more of a statement than a question, his voice no longer sounded rough. The way he said it, it was probably as traumatizing for him as it was for her. All she wanted to do was let her guard down and fall in to his ensuring embrace. She wanted so badly for him to hold her, at least just one more time.

But she couldn't have that. He was no longer hers, she was no longer his.

His heart broke at the sight of her, it was destroying him. And how dare he do that to her again? How dare he come back to her life and make her suffer, like she hadn't had enough of that.

''You can have the apartment. I will find something else'' _and remove myself from your life forever, if that's what makes you happy_

She thought it was what she wanted but hearing him say that made her realize just how much she actually wanted him. It was so incredibly frustrating.

He picked up his bag and headed to the doors when he felt her gentle warm hand take a hold of his arm.

He turned around, his eyes filled with hope. What he hoped for exactly, he didn't know, but that's why she was there, and she was touching him for the first time in such a long time, and that's all that mattered.

''Where are you going to go now?'' she asked, desperate to have him there for even a second longer, to hear his voice one more time

''I don't know, I'll find another apartment'' he answered flatly

''I went everywhere, there is no other apartments. And it's 2 am-'' her hand slid down his arm and she took it back, playing with the hem of her coat. It sent shivers down his spine and fired his heart up again. She looked down at the floor as she quietly mumbled

''You…you can stay…if-'' her eyes wandered, trying to avoid his ones, 'cause if he caught her gaze he would know the truth, he would know that she wanted him to stay just as badly as he wanted to stay, although neither of them actually said anything ''-If you want. This kind of is your apartment after all. We'll find a solution tomorrow…I mean today, when it's not 2 in the morning''

Nate was dazed out of his mind. She said that they will find a solution. They. Them together. For the first time during all these cursed months, he felt good. He felt hope

''If that's really what you want'' he said cautiously, he just needed to hear it from her, he needed to hear that she still wanted him, even if it was in a completely platonic way

_Yes you moron. I want you. I want you so badly it hurts. I know everything that happened was awful and I shouldn't want you but I do….I love you_

''Sure, we're adults, this isn't highschool anymore'' she gave him a small smile, still not looking at him though and walked away to her bedroom, slowly closing the cover up curtain.

She sat on the bed quietly hearing him walk over to his bedroom and dropping the bags down. She switched of the lights next to her bedside while he did the exact same thing on his side. They both dropped tired on each of their beds in sync. At the end of the day one thing was sure, the spark was still there, the only question was…. will it burst to flames?

* * *

What do you think, will it burst to flames? Remember, the more reviews, the faster I update. Till the next chapter, xo L


	17. Why so jealous darling?

Hello everyone. I am so sorry for not updating earlier, I know I promised I will but I've been sick with temperature and was a walking zombie for a while so that's why. I still have a cold but that won't stop me from writing some awesome Nair chapters, thanks for the feedback and really, I promise, the more reviews the faster I update.

As my apology I bring you a lot of Nair interaction

This chapter contains flashbacks

I do not own any characters or songs used, just the ideas.

Song: Cell block tango

* * *

''Hey'' she greeted, a bit surprised to see him there already. He smiled

''Hi'' he said getting up from the comfortable lounge chair in the living room area

''What are you doing here already, I thought you have classes 'till 6'' she asked while removing her coat and setting her notes away

''Yeah, well my drama tutor cancelled the class, he said he wasn't in the mood to watch our disgraceful rendition of _Romeo and Juliet_ but I think he's just hangover again'' he replied and she laughed so he laughed along.

It was one of those nice moments again, and those were starting to happen a lot lately. They were both secretly glad they were able to be friends again…although they were never really just friends. But denial was their specialty, and hanging around with no obligations was rewarding.

The only problem was the evident sexual tension that also so often showed. It was only a matter of time when one of them would implode and ruin the little arrangement they had.

Her phone rang breaking their moment and she quickly took it out of her red Chanel dress pocket. Seeing the callers ID she excused herself and got out on the fire escape ladders. Sure it was freezing outside, but there was no way she would talk on the phone with Dan while Nate was in the room.

''Hello''

''Hey baby, you would never believe what happened''

She smiled a bit and tried to sound interested but it was failing her today. She felt awful about herself talking to him for many reasons, and none of them were actually his fault.

For one, she had a feeling for some time now that she and Dan were drawing apart, and it started way before college. Their distance relationship wasn't helping. It was harder and harder to pretend to be interested in each other and what the other one has to say. Well…at least on the behalf of Blair.

Second, not only they were living apart and never saw each other…she was living with Nate. Nate Archibald. Her ex boyfriend, the one she still had strong feelings for. No matter how much she tried to push those feelings down and drown them, every time he smiled at her or even looked at her, he would catapult those feelings back up. And they were doing this whole friendship thing? She knew it was a load of bullshit and he did too, but still none of them said anything because deep inside they were still afraid of losing each other, even though they weren't really together. Not physically. But she knew that the emotional affairs cut a lot deeper than physical ones.

And the last, but the worst one- Dan had no idea that all of this was happening; she never told him she was living with his biggest competition. And it made her feel awful and dirty. The tragic part was she kind of liked it. Even worse, she didn't feel guilty at all.

''Ummm yeah…listen I've got to go'' she cut him off in the middle of his speech

''Oh…o-okay'' he said a bit confused by her forwardness, she was acting pretty weird since she got to Juilliard, she sort of closed up on him. ''Before you go, I just have to know…is everything okay Blair?-'' she winced a bit ''-I mean you sound kind of different… do you have problems with school or is your roommate giving you troubles?'' he tried to guess

''No. Everything is perfect. I have to go now, bye'' she shot out and hung up not waiting for his response

* * *

''_Hey where are you going?'' why was she even stopping him? She wanted him out. Right? Right?_

''_I'm 'moving out' '' he air quoted, he never really moved in actually ''I left the lease paper by the doors. You were right. you were the first one that got here and besides, all of your stuff is already here''_

_He looked at her and it was that sad but honest look that did it, she fell in love with him once more. Well to be honest she never really fell out of love with him in the first place. So out of desperation and fear of losing him again her next move wasn't really well thought out_

''_No you can't'' she reached for his upper arm to stop him, he raised an eyebrow and looked at her surprised ''I mean where are you going to live, your home is too far from the university'' yes she sounded desperate but that was what she was at the moment_

_He wasn't sure how to respond. Did she actually want him there? It was all he ever wanted, all he dreamed about but now that it was happening he was dumb founded_

''_I know, I found an apartment that's one hour ride away. It's in Brooklyn'' she scrunched up her nose at the mention of it and no matter how hard he tried to keep it in he let out a small laugh._

_ He knew that Blair despised Brooklyn, that was the main reason he chose it. He figured that the only way to let her be was if he just left her alone and stopped toying with her heart. But the case was changing now, if she really did want him._

''_Brooklyn? Nate you can't live in Brooklyn, it's reserved for failed poets and middle class professionals, you are none of that.-'' Blair what the hell are you doing, you should be pushing him away from yourself, not towards. Her brain said no, but her heart…it was stronger, especially when it was beating for him_

''_-Listen, I thought about it last night. We're adults now, right? And if we just keep avoiding each other and pretending that we are strangers than we'll never get over it. At least I won't. It's going to be a new year in two months, that means a new start-''_

''_-Yes it does Blair, and I agree with everything you said. But I'm afraid that if we do this things may get even worse, and what if I do something stupid again and you'll never want to see me, I couldn't take that-''_

_She felt tears forming in her eyes and blinked rapidly getting rid of them_

''_It won't happen. Because whatever there was, I'm sure there's nothing between us anymore'' lie_

_Her words were like a blade right through his heart. But then again, his words earlier this year were a blade through hers._

_And what could he do now. He would rather suffer every day next to her, than suffer so close yet so far and face a possibility of never seeing her again_

_He nodded quietly and set his carry on down. _

''_So this means truce?'' he came closer and offered her his hand. She smiled a little smile and shook it_

''_Truce it is'' even though it felt a lot more like war_

* * *

He knew why she got out of the apartment; she only does it when he calls her. Even thought she always makes up random people and excuses.

What he doesn't understand is why she's hiding it from him. She barely even mentions Dan. He is secretly glad that it's that way and even though he has no rights to, he feels very satisfied with the fact that Blair doesn't want to mention Dan and that she doesn't even carry a picture or something from him in here.

* * *

Finally Friday was here. Her day couldn't have gone better, well if we forget about the little incident this morning. Thinking about it, it was more of a pleasure than tragedy.

_She got up earlier today; she was feeling kind of amazing right from the start. Besides it was Friday, she would finally get some rest this weekend. Nate was probably going to spend a night out, as much as she hated to admit, she was jealous. Sometimes she even thought he was doing it on purpose._

_So she walked out of her bedroom and headed straight to the shower like every morning. Nate's room was empty and his bed made so she figured he was already out. She was just about to open the bathroom door when BAM_

_She went as wide eyed as he did when they crashed in to each other. She almost fell over so he grabbed her and she was prisoned against his chest. Even better, he was wearing nothing else but a towel around his waist. His skin was still dripping wet and her satin little night gown soaked it up as he was holding her tight. By the looks of it he was still as dreamy as before and his amazing chiseled physique was still indeed amazing. If anything his body got even more buffed than before._

_It took her a moment to realize she was still pressed against him and she was staring. She quickly shook her head and wriggled out of his hands, going straight in to the steamy bathroom. None of them said a word. Well he didn't have a chance too 'cause afterwards she just ignored him and ran out of the apartment_

She shook the thought of his naked dripping body away and restrained herself. She finally reached the practice room and almost dropped dead. This was not good.

There stood the very same Nate Archibald (and some other guys from his class, but she couldn't care less about them)

She rushed in and pushed through a few bimbos that were already buzzing all over him, she usually called those bimbos her friends…but not when they were eyeing Nate. And the jealousy stroked again. It made her forget that she was the one with a boyfriend.

''What are you doing here'' she asked in rush when she reached him

''Oh look who it is... so you're talking to me now?'' he said teasingly as she took him by his arm and dragged him aside, away from that vultures

''Nate'' she whined

''Okay class-'' a voice interrupted, it was Amanda, their dance teacher ''-as you see we did a little mix up of our boys and girls classes, we need diversity since our following lessons include dancing in pairs…so, the first one in our schedule is tango, a dance full of passion, sync, even sex-''

It's been no more than 20 seconds and those girls were all over him once again, talking about him being their partner. All Blair had to say to that was _Hell to the no! _

''-So you will pair up, and remember the person you chose will be your partner for the remaining of the semester so chose wisely. But first of all, we need someone to demonstrate…how about you mister Archibald, we were told you were the best one in your class, we only need someone to do it with you. Any volunteers? ''

Nate went to the center of the room and took his hoodie off, which he had nothing underneath. So by now every single girl was in seventh heaven including Blair. As always, he put her in a special condition where she could not use her brain whenever he was around her so being the overprotective jealous self she was she immediately shot up

''I volunteer''

He turned his head in her direction and gave her that teasing smirk she loved so much. Things just got real. He wanted to play dirty- _she took off her cover up and revealed her skin tight above the knee dress_- she would play dirty.

Game on

So she marched over to him, her head held high, in her 6 inch stilettos and played along.

_He had it coming__  
__He had it coming__  
__He only had himself to blame__  
__If you'd have been there__  
__If you'd have seen it  
I bet you, you would have done the same_

She was being feisty? Well he could do that too. It was a dangerous game they were playing, but they enjoyed it.

He grabbed her tight against his body for the second time today, and let his other hand roam slowly from her shoulder all the way down her lower back and rested inches from her nice sculpted ass

Blair almost let out a moan; she needed to remind herself she was in a class full of people after all.

As they swayed all over the room, earning jealous looks and those of admire, they got closer and closer with each second.

Then he slowly leaned her down against his right hand while his left one drew a line from her neck, down the valley between her breasts and up along her tanned leg. It was driving her absolutely insane. She felt almost incapable of doing anything so she just let him have it.

_You have a boyfriend. You have a boyfriend. You have a boyfr….ahhh to hell with her boyfriend when she wanted for Nate to do her right now._

No matter how much she tried to compress it the moan came out. She thanked goodness the music was loud so hopefully no one heard it… or did they?

He brought her back up and leaned in whispering in his sexy husky voice ''you know if you want me so bad we could just ditch them and have a dance lesion by our own''

Blair went wide eyed and horny all at the same time. Two can play that game

''Why so full of yourself darling? You must have mistook me for one of those desperate groupies of yours'' she said and looked at the direction those bimbos were at

''Why so jealous-'' he smirked ''-darling?'' throwing her words in her face

The song ended and she gave him a shove away from her, adding in a husky voice of her own

''Dream on honey''

* * *

So you know how this goes…the more reviews the faster I update. I hope you enjoyed, xo L


	18. You don't spell Stella with an N

Here it is. I really am trying to update this ASAP but it gets hard with the final exams and all of that. But like always, I find time to write about our wonderful Nair. Thank you for the feedback and keep it coming, it makes me update faster, I need motivation.

I don't own any characters or songs used, just the ideas

* * *

''Son of a bitch'' he murmured seeing her room empty again. Again and again… things have gone a different turn for them ever since that damned dance lesson and their ''rendition'' of the Cell block tango.

He barely even saw her. She would wake up way earlier than she used to, spend as much time as she could at school, go home when he had his lesions than go out a bit before he got back and come back at night. Then she would just escape to the bathroom and space out to her bedroom, pull on the curtains and that was it. She didn't even look at him.

He was once again angry with the fact that she got out before him. He shook his head disapprovingly and poured himself some coffee. The bitter taste in his mouth wasn't caused only by the beverage unfortunately.

It was driving him insane. They were doing so well… did he do anything? Did he offend her somehow? They only danced for god's sake, sure it wasn't entirely appropriate but it's not like they kissed.

Blair was in the middle of her drama class…or vocal practice…or something. She didn't truly know. She was too distracted…and the cause of her distraction? Who else than Nate. Leave it to him to completely dish you and provoke you and make you even more confused about your feelings than you were.

It was easier to just ignore him for now. She would get up as early as she knew he was never able…she couldn't sleep anyways. She'd get ready and disappear before he was even awake. It gave her more time to concentrate on her vocal practice…she was spending all these mornings in the auditorium working on hitting that high F note which was honestly already giving her nightmares…just like Nate. Probably the only difference between the two was that unlike the high F, she didn't want to hit Nate….well that was a lie.

The cold New York air hit her hard as she exited the building, but that was nothing compared to what hit her next.

''Blair'' he said excitedly as he spotted her

She stopped dead in her tracks. Oh God

''Dan?'' she spoke still unsure if this was all a bad dream. Well it was kind of amazing to see him here, and she did miss him, but he came here at a wrong, wrong time.

''Yeah, I'm here-'' he said as he ran towards her and embraced her tightly ''-isn't that amazing?'

''Sure-'' she tried to smile trough ''-What are you doing here?'' she asked searching for an explanation

''Well I have a few days off since some of my classes were cancelled. So I thought I'd surprised you-'' oh he sure did ''-is something wrong…you look kind of mad'' he said a little unease

She immediately turned her confused and unfriendly expression in to a big smile

''Of course not…I'm not mad, I'm just really surprised you're here. I'm glad''

He leaned in and kissed her lips softly. Come on! Fireworks…sparks…anything? No. the sensation was not there, for Blair at least. She was just too worried about the fact that he was here and Nate was here also…not a good combination. Not to forget, Dan has no idea about her living arrangement.

''So let's go to your place, I'm dying to see it, maybe I could finally meet that annoying roommate of yours…what did you say her name was? Stacy? Sarah?''

''Oh-'' she was once again caught in her own web of lies ''-umm Stella, well I don't think she's at home. You want to go for a walk instead?'' she tried but failed

''Blair it's freezing out here…is there something wrong, you're acting kind of weird'' he said confused by her awkward actions

What do you do now Blair? This is bad…but wait…Nate has classes now, if I get Dan out and drag him to some kind of a restaurant or something on time maybe we can skip the whole _'I'm an awful girlfriend' _charade

''No. Everything is great. So-'' _this is how I die_ ''-let's go check out my apartment''

* * *

She tried to stop her hands from shaking but it was mission impossible. All that went through her head the whole time was _Please don't be at home Nate. Please don't be at home Nate. Please for the love of God don't be at home._

She finally pushed the knob and felt utterly relieved finding out the apartment was empty. She let out a happy sigh which earned a weird look from Dan

''Well this is it…it's not really ideal, but I think I've done a pretty decent job furnishing it''

Well that wasn't true, it was ideal. Especially with Nate living there, but that was a fact she decided to ignore. She adored their…no…her apartment. It was kind of vintage, but still modern. The rich hardwood floors were definitely a benefit. The walls were mostly brick but Nate and her painted some of them and hung paintings which gave an illusion of warmth to the whole place.

The kitchen was amazing as it was, with its marble counter and high leather chairs from La Z boy.

There was a huge bookshelf dividing the living room area and the ''hall'' down to Nate's room and the bathroom. The shelf was filled with numerous books, lamps, candles and all the little details Blair pilled on.

The living room area was adorned with an insanely soft and fluffy white carpet. It was surrounded by a white lounge chair from Ikea and another La Z boy club chair. There were also some big pillows thrown around for sitting.

The most amazing part was the Victorian fireplace in the middle of the room. They never tried it out though, but it was still amazing, even if not lit up.

''Wow Blair-'' he said as he looked the place over ''-this place is amazing…did you do all the work with furnishing it''

''Yeah pretty much…so that's my room and-'' she stopped when her eyes fell on Nate's room, which was not closed entirely. Panic swiped all over her, there were all kinds of guy stuff in there, it didn't look the tiniest bit like a woman would actually live there. She quickly went over and blocked his view while ''discreetly'' closing the partition

''-that's my roommates room; we don't want to step over her privacy… on the other note. Do you want coffee or something?'' she tried to change the subject

''Sure, hey where's your bathroom, I need to use the restroom?'' he asked

''Oh just down that hall'' she pointed as she started preparing coffee

* * *

Dan was just finished washing his hands and reached for the towel when he accidentally hit something with his arm

''Damn it'' he scoffed as he picked the item. He stopped his motion realizing what he was holding in his hand was an aftershave for men

''What the actual-'' well it could be her roommate's boyfriend's or something like that, he was probably overreacting. Just to be sure though…he pulled open one of the cabinets and low behold… this for men that for men…

* * *

She was just pouring herself a cup of coffee when she heard the front doors open.

Shit! Shit! Shit!

Her eyes went wide as she saw Nate get in, he too was surprised to see she was actually at home.

''Oh Blair, finally. We need to talk, we can't just keep avoiding each other. For the love of God we live tog-''

He started saying and putting his coat down, so he wasn't even facing Blair who was waving like a crazy person and whispering to shut up, unfortunately he didn't hear her, but Dan heard both of them

And just as you would call it…all hell broke down in there

Nate finally turned around to face her and stopped dead in his tracks

''You two are living together?'' Dan yelled walking towards Blair

She just stood quiet and wondered why God hated her so much

''Answer me Blair'' he shouted one more time.

Nate shifted awkwardly and glanced at Blair, who was glancing at him, and sent her an apologetic look. She just looked away back to Dan

''I'm sorry…I was waiting for the right time to tell you'' she said in a small voice, realizing just how pathetic her apology was

''You were waiting for the right time? So it never seem to occur to you that it would be appropriate for me, your boyfriend, to know that you live 80 miles away from me with your ex boyfriend?-'' he looked at both of them ''-what? Are you like back together now or-''

''No'' they both said in sync

''It just happened okay, but nothing is going on I swear-'' she tried to convince him…and herself

''Yeah, she is telling you the truth. We don't even talk'' he said and glanced at Blair, giving her a really unfriendly look. He took his bag and went to his room, ''isolating'' himself

Blair raised her brows at him, a bit shocked by his unfriendliness, but he didn't even look at her as he went.

What the hell was his problem? He was the one responsible for Dan finding out now; she should be the one angry at him, not the reverse.

But then again, was it ever not-confusing and easy with Nate? No

* * *

So that's about it. What'll happen next? Will Blair and Dan break up or can he forgive her? Will Nate or even Blair move out? The update will come faster if you review more ;))


	19. A man is known by the silence he keeps

PLEASE READ : Hey guys, as I promised the update is here earlier because of the great feedback I got, thank you and keep on going :D some of you have been telling me that you don't like the fact that the chapters are getting shorter. Well here's the deal, it is really hard to write a 2000+ word chapter within three days with all of your school work, homework, extracurriculars and all the other stuff. So I figured better I give you two 2000 word count chapters a week, than only one 4000 one :)) but if you'd like me to start combining the chapters together and writing one a week feel free to let me know :D I think that the way it is now is okay, 'cause you kind of get more, but if you don't like it tell me. Also if you have any other complaints I'd be happy to hear them, you can either leave a review or send me a private message in my PM box. So don't forget to favorite, follow, review and all of that and of course, enjoy.

I don't own any characters or songs used, just the ideas

* * *

''Please talk to me'' she said frustrated that he didn't even bother to look at her. The fact that Nate was basically mere inches from them, only divided by a curtain made all of this even weirder

''I….I need some air'' he said while grabbing his coat and heading towards the door

''I'll come with you'' she wasn't going to just let this slide, it was her fault all of this happened, she should have never lied to him. Well she should have never even move in with Nate…. Which wouldn't happen if he didn't get the same apartment, which wasn't really his fault but still, she blamed him, she had every right to. So really, it was Nate's fault.

''I'd prefer if you didn't'' he said icily

Nate heard the front door close shut and exhaled deeply. What the hell was he supposed to do now? They were finally out of the apartment but that didn't mean they wouldn't come back.

Even more agonizing, will they even break up? He wanted for it to happen so badly. It was pretty obvious they will. That Dan guy was all fired up anyways. Who wouldn't be…if Blair was his and he were to find out she was living with another guy….more importantly, if Blair was his this would have never happen, 'cause he wouldn't get her out of his sight. He would cherish her and treasure her and-

_Are you forgetting something Nate? She was his, she was and he did no good to her. If he could only turn back time._

Then again Blair is a remarkable girl, and if Dan was any smarter than Nate he wouldn't let her get away. She was a diamond in a field of rocks; Nate learned that the hard way, and now he got to watch some other poor guy struggle around her. That's what you get for being a fucking asshole and hurting who possibly was the love of your life.

Oh god what if they do stay together…even worse, what if they come back in their apartment for makeup sex? His head immediately started spinning and he felt like he was going to throw up right away.

He let the cold water run down the sink and splashed his face with the icy fluid. So this is what hell feels like?

* * *

''Dan would you just wait for me?'' she practically yelled while chasing him down the street, her Juicy Couture scarf flying after her

''Why? Is there another one of your exes that you didn't tell me about?'' he said totally annoyed, Blair tried not to roll her eyes. She finally caught up to him and grabbed his arm

''Just talk to me'' she pleaded

''Fine. You want me to talk? I'll talk. Do you have any idea how humiliating this is? Do you? I have spent the past 10 months trying to impress you, make you happy. I tried to live up to your unrealistically high expectations that he put up. I've been nothing but honest with you and all I asked for in return was for you to be honest with me. Was that so hard for you to do?''

She was stunned by his outburst. She never felt as stupid in her life too. She supposed she had it coming; she was just too occupied with avoiding to avoid Nate.

''I'm sorry…I just-''

''Tell me one thing-'' he started slowly, looking straight in her eyes ''-and maybe we can sort things out…I just have one question, and I want you to answer as truthfully as you can…you owe me at least that much''

She nodded

''Ask me anything''

''Do you still have feelings for Nate?'' he put it out, as simple as that, only it wasn't simple at all. She knew her future with Dan lay on her answer. It was too painful to say but he asked her to be honest with him at least that one time

''I-'' her lips trembled and her deep mocha eyes got glossy in an instant. He didn't even have to wait for her to speak, he knew the answer. ''-Yes.'' She breathed out quietly

He gave her a silent nod and turned his back on her murmuring ''That's what I thought''

''Dan…stop'' she was brimming with tears and looked like a mess, it started snowing again and right now, she couldn't hate a thing more.

''Yes I have feelings for him, but that doesn't mean I want to be with him'' she yelled out. Dan stopped

''Who are you trying to convince Blair?''

''No one, I know what I feel right now…and yes, things are not over between Nate and I, but I….I have feelings for you too''

''Do you love me?'' he asked seriously

''Yes'' she shoot out

''No Blair-'' he shouted ''-do you LOVE me? Not as a rebound guy…not as a friend…not as a replacement for Nate. Do you love me as much as you love him?''

She closed her eyes tightly trying to stop her tears; it didn't work….it only made her feel even more vulnerable. Her silence was her answer.

''Why did you break up?'' he asked calmly

And now she was done….absolutely done. She was a mess…her heart was broken…she was constantly getting reminded of Nate shoving that knife right through her chest.

''I told him I loved him-'' she couldn't breathe ''-and he didn't say it back….he said it was awful'' another silence

''Blair… you and I both know this would have never worked. It's going to be okay, you and me, you know? I just hope you'll finally be able to find your peace and get over the fact that he ran you over, and he's going to keep on doing it, that's just who he is. I don't know why you let him abuse you like that…''

Suddenly anger swiped all over Blair. She knew Dan never liked Nate…but who the hell was he to judge Nate like that…and to say that he was abusing her? Sure Nate has done some awful things to her but that didn't mean he was a monster Dan was saying he was

''What's that supposed to mean? Nate and I are good now'' she said like an angry five year old

''Really? Because it looks a lot to me like he's dragging you along'' he said annoyed. To hell with it all. They were broken up now, he was finally able to say what he really thought

''He's not dra-''

''-Oh really? Here's how I see that situation. First of all he led you on when he was still in relationship with my sister. He then left her just like that, he toyed with you for a while…you fell in love with him and when you finally told him that, what did he do? He made a fool out of you. Then he comes back a year later, moves in with you and breaks us apart? Of course you would always choose him, I get that, all though I don't know why. What I don't get is the fact that you're going to let him do it on and on and on. You are going to let him toy with you and end up heartbroken for the umpteenth time and then he's going to waltz in to your life again, tell you how sorry he is, until he finds himself another victim to screw over… how dumb can you be?'' _SLAP_

''How dare you?'' she yelled at him. His cold hand reached to where the angry red mark caused by her slap was

''Just because we had our different ways doesn't mean Nate is a jerk you want him to be. And even if he was….I'd rather be with a jerk like that than with you'' she said coldly and turned around leaving

''Sure…go ahead to your precious Nate. Call me in a month when he dumps you again'' he yelled after her

She shook her head and rushed her step, crying more and more with every second. Now everything in her life really was screwed up.

* * *

What the hell is taking her so long? It's been like 2 hours since she stormed out after that….hipster.

Right now he was at that point where he wasn't quite sure who was he mad at- Dan? Blair? Himself? All of the mentioned, but most of himself.

The sudden push at the doors startled him. He finally got himself up from the lounge chair and forcefully opened his eyes…only to find them starring at a very angry pair of Blair's ones

''This was all your fault'' she yelled at him, so they broke up? He isn't here and she's accusing him of something so yes, they probably did. He mentally grinned like an idiot but kept a straight face in reality, seeing how angry she was

''What was my fault?'' he asked confused as ever. Blair just wanted to punch that confused but utterly adorable expression off his face. He can't be adorable now…she's supposed to be mad at him.

''Don't play dumb. If it weren't for you Dan and I would still be together'' she stated the obvious. Nate had to roll his eyes at that, and it made Blair even more furious at him. And how could she anyway? It was very Blair Waldorf to screw things up and then blame him for it…unfortunately it was also very Nate Archibald to do that. And when two of the most stubborn people in New York start a grudge against each other…it ends up in a big explosion

''If it weren't for me?'' great, now he was yelling too ''Did you forget about that minor detail where you didn't tell your boyfriend that we live together? You're the one that didn't tell him''

''There would be nothing to tell him if you didn't show up in my apartment at first'' she yelled back

''You mean if you didn't occupy my apartment, I got it first''

''Still…it's your fault'' she realized how lame that sounded, but she lost all of her good arguments, so she figured she could just yell at him at least. The shouting was actually a nice change from all that pretending that they were okay.

''Of course. You fuck up, it's my fault'' he said and turned his back on her heading towards the fire escape, too frustrated to fight her anymore

''Go ahead, screw me over, we both know you're good at that '' she yelled after him

The door closed forcefully.

Silence. Silence from each side of the doors. So many things to say that never crossed the delicate altars of their lips

Nate's unspoken things were rising up, melting with the cold New York air in the form of smoke, produced by the joint he was nervously tapping off in order to calm himself.

Blair's unspoken things were falling liberally down her porcelain cheeks, getting soaked up in the soft silky sheets she was lying against.

Neither of them was aware that those secrets would soon no longer be unspoken…

To be continued

* * *

The more reviews, the faster I update :DD and a little spoiler… there is going to be a special Nair Christmas chapter…soon ;)


	20. It's enough when I say it's enough

Hey hey my Nair people. I am sincerely sorry that it took a while to update but it's been a pretty hectic week. But now I am on a one month vacation so I'll be able to post a bunch of chapters anytime. That of course depends on the number of reviews I get, there's no point in writing if people aren't reading right? Luckily for me you guys have been great and giving me feedback, thank you for that. As I promised the next chapter is going to be a Christmas one, and it should be up by the 25th so you can have a Nairy Christmas yourself :)) don't forget to review, favorite & follow ;D

Spoilers: it's a very teasing and interesting chapter…keep on reading to see what I mean

* * *

There sure was a lot of regret…and confusion…and wondering…and sleepless nights.

Maybe, just maybe his life would be easier if he never met her. If he never saw her perfect porcelain skin, mocha curls and hazel eyes. If he never heard her laugh, seen her smile…how long her lashes were…how she blinks rapidly when she tells a lie.

Then again was it really regret? And what would have happened if they never actually met? Would he be trapped in an awful every day, that consists from going to a stupid college he couldn't stand just to please his father and being engaged to that evil called Serena?

Truthfully, it would be less painful than what he was going trough now.

Those mocha curls haunted him. He can't sleep. He can't eat. He can't think straight. She's on his mind 24/7. The fact that she sleeps basically inches from him makes it even worse.

And still, he goes with it. Why? He was afraid. Too afraid that if he lets go of that pain and that struggle he would lost her forever, and he just couldn't live with that.

It didn't matter that they weren't talking or ''acknowledging'' each other, that they didn't spare each other a glance…at least when one of them was looking. They were, _by the definition_, strangers, but knowing that she came home every day at the same time, that she laid in her bed alone and that she was safe was enough to keep his heart in place.

''Blair…'' he mumbled out, not even aware of what was happening around him

''Ummm excuse me?'' the girl scrunched her features and waved a hand in front of his face ''Nate?''

''OH-'' he shook his head realizing he was supposed to be talking to this girl. Flirting with her to be exact but then again….he was thinking of Blair. No surprise there. Why was he even putting the moves on this chick? Sure she was pretty cute, she was obviously totally out of this world when she realized Nate was talking to her, like any other girl would be. Unfortunately for her and for them Nate only wanted one girl.

But she didn't want him. So he would make the time go faster by messing around. He had nothing to lose, right? At least he could make Blair sweat a bit.

* * *

''Blair'' Clarissa shook her shoulders

''Ummm what?'' she shifted her gaze, although it kept coming back to that damned bench. If he suddenly decided to start slutting around again why did he have to do it right in front of her? She would love to believe it was a coincidence. Yeah, just like his make out session with one of the girls from her vocal classes in front of their apartment building or sweet talking to Claire while sitting mere inches from her during their daily dance lesion.

''You seem kind of dished to me…and you can't take your eyes from that hot guy over there ….which I understand'' she said jokingly. She was one of her best friends right now. Unlike half of these pretentious bimbos, she was really down to earth. And she also knew you can't wear tights as pants so Blair liked her immediately.

''What? Oh no…no. I'm just…um-'' tongue tied? ''I just…I have a lot of things to do and I'm stressed out and sleep deprived'' she lied trough her teeth ''Besides he's not that hot'' she added on, pretending like she didn't care

''Well you're probably the only girl on the campus and the entire New York area that thinks that, but okay'' Clarissa said hinting something. ''And you never told me why you and Dan broke up, Blair that's huge…and suspicious, I thought everything was perfect with you guys''

''Well it wasn't-'' her voice broke as she saw Nate and that streetwalker (she gave them all appropriate nicknames) kissing. More like giving each other mouth to mouth. Archibald you are so going to pay for this. ''-I promise we'll talk about it, but I have to go now''

* * *

''Why don't we move this to your place'' she said in between kisses. What was her name again? Something with an S…Sarah? Sam? Selena?

Who cares? He was way too high to bother right now. He supposed the apartment was empty. _What the hell are you doing man? Are you really going to bang a girl whose name you don't remember?_ He would never let himself fall that low, he had more sense than that. But right now his good sense was washed away by pot. And if he closed his eyes tight enough those mocha curls would feel like Blair's, not Sarah's or whoever that was

Blair was so encircled with the _X factor_ by now that she barely even noticed someone was stumbling up against the doors. It wasn't until they sloppily emerged in to the living room, that she noticed.

''What the actual fuck?'' she hissed. Nate looked at her all shock, the deer in headlights expression evident on his face. Oh wasn't that the Streetwalker from earlier with him? What did he think he could just bang her behind the curtain and Blair wouldn't notice? She was beyond furious he even brought her here

''I did not realize you'd be at home'' he said and raised his brow. The silicone brunette turned towards Nate angrily

''What the heck? Is that your girlfriend?'' she yelled. Nate looked at her quizzically

''No..no she's just-''

There you go Blair, a perfect chance to get back at him. Let's rumble

''I'm his ex-'' Blair said her voice sweet as sugar. This wasn't normal; she was grudging something against him. He knew that look when he saw it ''-and now knowing what you're about to do…I will just remove myself, he likes silence when he performs-'' she air quoted '' not to get your hopes up high, despite the big build up…the very performance is not that-'' she stopped and smirked to Nate who was burning holes in her right now ''-great'' she went around them and grabbed her coat

''Well I'll see you later Nate and-'' she looked at the girl innocently and then at Nate ''Nate what did you say her name was?'' she smirked right to his face knowing she hit a spot, not only did she hurt his manhood, she created a very catchy reputation for him…Man whore Archibald had a nice ring to it, especially when Blair said it

Nate shifted awkwardly as both girls stared at him, waiting in anticipation

''Oh ummm-'' SLAP

''YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBERMY NAME? I WAS ABOUT TO LET YOU IN TO MY SACRED TEMPLE…YOU SLUT'' she stormed out leaving a furious Nate and a very satisfied Blair behind

She quickly put her coat back and walked over to the refrigerator taking out a bottle of ice cold water. She walked behind Nate and delicately spilled it all over him

He turned around to face her, frowning. This was all too much for the confused little lamb before her.

He was literally out of words…actually there were just too many, he didn't know which ones to use

''Here-'' she patted his shoulder which was drenched as the rest of him ''That had to burn…I just wanted to make sure you feel better'' she smiled once more, that victory sultry smile

She turned around and divided herself in her room, delirious of what have just happened, she just slid her dress off of her and was only in her bodice when he furiously snatched the curtain open, scaring the crap out of her

''You think you can just do that and walk away from me?'' he practically shouted. But she wasn't scared one bit. Angry was a good look on him, especially now when he was all wet and his clothes were clinging to him, giving her a clear vision of his perfect anatomy.

''Get out I'm not dressed you asshole'' she shouted back and covered herself with a robe that was next to her

He rolled his eyes and stepped closer arrogantly adding ''Nothing I haven't seen before''

It took every ounce of self control for Blair not to smack him

''What the hell is your problem?'' he shouted continuing their fight

''My problem? You're the one sleeping with everything that moves in New York, I'd say you have a problem…maybe go see a councilor…and get out of my room'' she pushed against his chest furiously

He didn't budge. He grabbed both of her hands ''Not until you tell me why you did that?'' he demanded from her

''You had no problem breaking me and Dan up-'' he shook his head at her, he couldn't believe she was still saying that ''-I'd like to think of this as a tiny piece of a cake I like to call revenge'' she hissed. It gave him shivers

''So this is how's it going to be, huh?'' she was so close to him, it made him dizzy

''I see no other way'' her face was inches from his, and for a second she thought (hoped) he will kiss her. She wanted for it to happen so badly…she missed the soft suppleness of his lips brushing against her own. Instead he just abruptly pulled away and disappeared from her room in a matter of seconds

* * *

''Mhhm…'' he pretended to listen to every excruciating detail she had to say about her summer or whatever.

There she was. Finally. Okay Archibald here we go

''Your eyes are so beautiful'' he cut her off and the girl melted right away. Stella. He made sure he would remember her name this time. Once again he wasn't even sure what exactly he was trying to do. He just knew he had to prove to both Blair and himself that she can't and won't mess with him.

''Oh that's so sweet'' on the right key, just when she turned up around the corner he leaned in and kissed the hell out of the girl who wasn't even aware what she got herself in to.

Blair in all her grace stopped abruptly and had to try hard not to throw up right then. He really wasn't giving up. Well, neither was Blair.

''khm-'' she cleared her throat loudly breaking Nate's little play. He looked down at her and smiled '_sweetly_'

''Oh Blair-'' he played surprised, yeah right. He spent the entire last week calculating precisely when she would pass the spot they were at right now. ''-what are you doing here?'' more like burn in hell you sneaky little minx, what is she going to do now? He thought he was ready for anything she had to throw at him, but not quite for what she did

''I was actually looking for you-'' Stella looked both of them over awkwardly, Blair sent her a death glare of hers and she immediately looked down at the floor ''-your test results are back'' she said al bubbly and happy. Oh shit, what the hell is she going to do…

''-it's negative, you don't have AIDS after all'' she smiled widely and pat his shoulder ''-I'm so happy for you…well I gotta go now'' she said and looked over at Stella grinning from ear to ear and then back at Nate ''Enjoy''

The look on his face was priceless. She had to give it to herself, that one was as clever as the first one. If Nate wanted to play around, she would.

''I have to go'' a very frightened Stella said and started going away

''NO..no..no. I swear I don't have AI-'' he tried to save himself of the embarrassment as if it was possible

''Yeah so I heard''

* * *

''Well well…isn't it the New York's most eligible bachelor? I hope Stella didn't mind me breaking your little moment, it was important information to deliver after all''

''Whoa, aren't you the brightest little spark there is'' he said already annoyed

''Why so grumpy? You should be happy with the new piece of information you have-'' she laughed to herself ''-but judging to the amount of trash you've been whoring around with I wouldn't be surprised if I was wrong''

Nate was just about to blow over when someone appeared coming from their bathroom. Not someone…oh no. It was Liam. Liam South. Nate couldn't stand the guy more. They met way back in highschool and even then ended up at headmistress's office once a month for physical violence. Nate doesn't even remember why they started fighting in the first place, they just did. It wouldn't be so sketchy if Blair didn't know about all of it

''Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, I have company so... if you'd just fly away'' she said and smiled sweetly. It made him sick.

''Nathanial Archibald? Whoa. Here we meet again. Wait…wait…wait, didn't you guys date-'' he smirked and put his hand on Blair's shoulder. Nate grabbed tightly on to the counter trying to stop himself from punching the fuck out of that bastard.

''-well that makes sense…I get the girl at the end'' he added and Blair knew Nate was over the edge now, she just waited for him to explode. Poor girl had no idea what got her next

''Yeah it really makes sense-'' Nate said calmly and smiled down to Blair ''-you were always the noble one, you have to take care of a girl in need. So, now with the baby on the way... where are you going to live?'' he said smirking, watching Liam drop his hand from Blair and Blair's face losing all the blood there was

''What the fuck?'' Liam hissed and looked at Blair, panic swiped all over her

''I-I'm not-'' she started to ramble, caught totally unprepared

''Oh so you're not pregnant?'' Nate said and made his way over to her hugging her

''I'm so happy for you B, I mean three preggo scares in 2 months, that was a rollercoaster'' by now Blair was already deciding whether to stab him or burn him alive

''Yeah..I didn't sign up for any of this shit. I'm out'' Liam said and rushed out

''You son of a bitch'' she said and slapped his arm forcefully

''Doesn't feel very good does it?'' Nate hissed back at her

''I should know'' she shouted

''So is it enough now?'' he asked just as loudly

Her eyes were already watering

''It's enough when I say it's enough''

* * *

Ta duuum! :D so you know how this goes – more reviews the faster I update

Spoiler: next chapter may contain Nair action…


	21. Roses white as snow grant forgiveness

Hello! I just want to wish all of you a wonderful Christmas, I hope you have an amazing time and spend it with your loved ones. Now, I can't give you a real present but I can send you my virtual Nair kisses and give you the first part of the Christmas Nair plot. This is my Christmas present to you, I hope it'll make you smile at least a bit; it makes me happy to write it for you :))

I do not own any characters or songs, just the ideas.

Keep in mind that I was tiping this chapter for you in 1 in the morning, that's how much I love you guys 3

* * *

Christmas part I.

* * *

This was all becoming too much for her. This isn't supposed to be happening. Why, for once in her life couldn't things go smooth? Why?

She was once again trapped in a cage of endless pain and mixed up emotions.

She couldn't tell what she was feeling… deep inside her heart she loved him, so much it destroyed her. But also, even deeper she hated him, hated him for everything he has done to her. Why couldn't he just leave her alone…even better why couldn't her family just stay where they were and never move to New York?

Things were so much simpler in Florida. Her biggest problem was to choose which bikini to wear that day for the beach.

So many things have changed. When she was 17 life was a piece of cake. Boys came and went… she was with her family and had no cares in the world. She was a little girl with a big dream and heart full of joy.

Now that her dreams have started to come true, she was frightened. Her heart was no longer full of joy, it was ripped. That had nothing to do with her dream though.

Or did it? Because God know how many nights has she spent crying over the one that got away. Ironic 'cause he was mere inches from her.

* * *

He heard the front doors closing and finally felt able to breathe. He slowly and carefully opened the bathroom door and let himself out. The apartment still smelled like her perfume.

He dragged himself over to the kitchen counter and poured himself a big cup of coffee; he's going to need it. With Christmas around the corner and his finals and all the auditions he had to try out at, he was drenched. The lack of sleep she was causing him wasn't quite helping.

He just didn't get it. They were getting along so well the first couple of weeks, what have happened? They suddenly blew up and everything went to hell. He can't even remember whose fault it was or who started it. Did it even matter?

All he knew was that he wanted her. More and more with every day. The fact that she didn't even spare him a look for a week now wasn't changing that. His father once told him that you don't give up just because things get hard.

But with him and Blair it was far more than hard.

He cursed himself and that damned day he broke her heart. If he could only go back in time and just hold her. Hold her and tell her how much she means to him and that he loves her with his whole heart.

But he can't do that. And life still sucks.

He started pacing nervously around their apartment. This was all too much.

If he would only get a sign or something. Anything to give him the strength to keep on fighting for her, to convince him it isn't all for nothing.

''Son of a bit-'' he growled as he punched his foot against something, his gaze fell down on the unfortunate object when he realized it was a box sticking from under her bed.

Wait a minute. Her bed? When the hell did he enter her room?

He bended down to examine the shiny silver box thingy. There was a tiffany blue ribbon wrapped around it and it read Blair, written in calligraphy, on the front

He carefully untied the ribbon and opened the box. A few papers fell out and he cursed silently picking them up and returning them where they belong.

What the hell are you doing Nate? You are not that pathetic to snoop around Blair's stuff when she's not at home…but it was killing him. He had to know what those papers were.

He picked the first envelope that got under his fingers and delicately opened it, careful not to rip anything or else Blair would end his life.

His eyes fell out as he read the neat handwriting he knew was Blair's

_Robin you are the only one I can talk to about this.  
It's driving me insane. I know that after everything we've been trough  
and all the hurt he caused me I should hate him forever.  
But what if I can't? What if my feelings are just too strong  
and too blind to see that? Why do I still feel so strong about him?  
I just can't do this anymore…I can't. It kills me every day to see  
him fooling around with those girls..and…and I try not to bother and  
I pretend not to see it, but I come home and I cry trough the night.  
It's been a year since we've gone our separated ways and I tried to move  
on, but I can't. No matter how close or how far away he was, he will always be  
there. In real life, my dreams or in my head. You have no idea how much I  
would love to be able to just erase him from my life…but It's impossible.  
The worst part of it all is that I don't even want to._

_Thank you for helping me trough this  
Love, Blair_

* * *

Have you ever had one of those days when everything turned out awful and you lost your will to live? Well, Blair was having one of those days.

So she dragged herself up the stairs in to her loved apartment, already prepared to spend the night devouring her Lady Godiva chocolates and crying in to the pillow upon her lost hopes and dreams, which were shattered by one and only Nathanial Archibald.

He heard the front door open and his heart fluttered immediately, he took a deep breath and gained composure.

Blair slowly entered the apartment and went wide eyed upon the scene before her.

''Hey'' he said lovingly, her knees went weak. He was standing there, smiling at her, holding a bouquet of white roses – her favorites, looking at her with those kind eyes that made her want to jump in to his arms and kiss him with everything she had. Control yourself Blair.

''Hi'' she said, her voice barely audible

He stepped closer, she didn't even know why, but her eyes were already filling up with water. This was the first communication they had in days. She missed the sound of his voice so much. She missed _him_ so much.

''Blair…I-I need to apologize'' he said calmly ''Here-'' he handed her the flowers, she took them right away, not saying a word, she was for once speechless ''- I hope they're still your favorite''

She nodded quietly, still staring at him like he was from another dimension

''There's no easy way to say this so I'll just let it out. Blair….I was a major jerk to you.''

Her mouth went agape but he still continued despise the evident shock on her face

''There's no words to describe how sorry I am I went around your back and toyed with your friends just to annoy you, or because I told Liam you were pregnant which started rumors around the school and hurt your reputation a bit. I'm also sorry for being partially responsible for your break up with Dan'' he said in one breath and looked at her, like he was begging for her not to turn his sorry down

As soon as he said those words to her a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders. She couldn't help the grin that was forming in the corners of her mouth and let out a soft laugh

''It's okay. To be fair I wasn't all milk and honey with you too.''

She smiled to him and his heart stopped. By now he was grinning like an idiot, he just couldn't help himself. He was so in love with her it physically hurt and to have her finally look at him with those eyes was almost too much for him.

''And although I blamed you for it…Dan and I breaking up was not because of you. It was just easier to blame someone else-'' she looked down at the floor, almost ashamed of herself

''So you're not mad at me?'' he asked her hopefully, she raised her gaze to meet his sapphire one

''No, I couldn't if I wanted to''

He tried his best not to over-blow with happiness but it was quite impossible. But he still wasn't done. He let her go once…not this time. He would make her his again, even if it was the last thing he'll ever do.

''Good. I missed you-'' he realized how it came out ''-as a friend'' he corrected himself ''I mean I know you probably don't want any interaction with me after everything …but I still care about you Blair, and we worked as friends before. I don't want to lose you'' that was it. Everything was said. He poured his heart out to her and all that's left was hope that she won't refuse his proposition

It took her a moment to realize he was no longer a boy; her Nate was finally a man. A honest, responsible, wonderful man. And how could she not melt?

She was already over emotional today, so her next move wasn't very well thought out.

Bliss. Euphoria. Perfection…were some of the words that could describe how he was feeling right now. Blair was hugging him.

It felt so good to be so close to him again. She didn't want it to end, ever. They held tightly to each other, neither of them wanting to let go. She let herself enjoy his embrace before she lightly pulled away. She looked in to his deep ocean eyes and felt all the problems she ever had melt away. Hugging him felt like home.

''What was that for?''he asked her, amuzed smile on his lips

''I don't know...I missed you too''

That night, for the first time in months, Blair and Nate slept peacefully, not a tear was shed.

* * *

''Nate wake up!'' he heard her screaming from what seemed like their kitchen. He immediately got up and ran over, scared that something has happened to her

''What?'' he asked as he entered the room wide eyed. She giggled at his _why the hell would you wake me up at 7 am _expression and pointed to the huge window in the room

''It's finally snowing again'' she said excitedly

Nate narrowed his eyes at her ''That's why you woke me up? 'cause it's snowing?''

''Well yeah…also I made pancakes'' she pointed to the bunch on the counter. His frown immediately turned in to a smile

''Now you're talking….just to be sure-'' he said as he took a seat next to her at the counter ''-this is edible, you're not trying to poison me?''

She elbowed his ribs and it all felt like it's supposed to. If only it could all be like it was...but he would settle for being friends now.

''So how come you're here for Christmas, I thought you'd already be in Florida or somewhere in NY with your family by now'' he said as he drenched his pancakes in syrup

''Jesus, are you trying to drown them or something-'' she pointed to his plate with disgust, he just laughed at her expression ''-Yeah mom, dad and Yale are in Miami, but Robin is with her boyfriend somewhere in Aspen. I decided I would stay here and get the full experience of living away from home, you know…What about you? I'd expect to see you playing lacrosse with Tripp at the Vanderbilt mansion right now''

''Nah, I just need to get away from them for a while….gosh this is amazing''

''I told you I can cook''

He smiled at her. This was the happiest he has been since college started, and so was she.

''You know its Christmas tomorrow and we don't even have a Christmas tree'' she pointed out

''Well if you want to we can go and get one, I know the place''

''Yeah, that would be nice…I have a box full of Juicy couture decorations, it would be a shame to celebrate Christmas without a tree''

''As long as they're not pink'' he teased. She scrunched up her nose at him

''Pink is amazing. I don't care what you say…I can hang whatever I want on that tree''

''Well if that so, you wouldn't mind if I hung beer cans on it, would you?''

She frowned at him ''There is no wa-''

''-I'm kidding'' he laughed ''You should have seen your face''

* * *

''Nate, are you sure we're going to the right place?'' she said as she looked around her

''Yeah, we're in the right place'' he said as he watched her adorable confused expression, totally amused

''I have a surprise for you''

''Surprise?''

''Yeah, turn around'' he said excitedly

* * *

So that's it for the first part of the Christmas plot, there's two more parts...including Nate's surprise, which you will get as soon as you review ;) the more reviews, the faster I update. Have a wonderful Christmas everybody!


	22. You're my Christmas miracle

Wow, I just couldn't wait with posting this chapter 'cause you guys reviewed so much :D I feel like I should repay you so here it goes, a brand new chapter right away, it's Christmas related anyways so it would be wrong not to post it now. Thank you for all the Christmas wishes, I hope you got what you wanted for Christmas and you enjoyed it with your family.

I do not own any characters or songs used

Song: Jar of hearts

* * *

Christmas part II.

* * *

''Yeah, we're in the right place'' he said as he watched her adorable confused expression, totally amused

''I have a surprise for you''

''Surprise?''

''Yeah, turn around'' he said excitedly

She held her breath as she cautiously turned around, her mouth dropped slightly, they were on Broadway

''Nate what are we doing here?'' she asked searching for explanations in his kind eyes

''This is my Christmas present to you and we-'' he said as he put his arm around her back and started walking, pulling her with him ''-are not doing anything, You-'' he looked in to her eyes and smiled ''-are auditioning for _Breakfast at Tiffany's''_

Her smile immediately turned in to panic; she started shaking her head no furiously. How did he know about that? She never told anyone she wanted to audition for Holly, the broadcast that was shut down would start showing again in 2013. She wanted to audition, but she had no intentions to. She was a 19 year old student at Juilliard, her singing and acting skills were good, but not good enough for Broadway. There was no way she would embarrass herself by trying out. It would be another disappointment in her life, and she had plenty of those.

''No…no…no way'' she started panicking

''Yes way Blair…why not? I know you want to-'' he started calming her down

''-because-'' she looked down at the cold pavement ''-I'm a joke…I'll never be good enough for Broadway, are you insane ?'' she reasoned and turned around to leave when his strong arms grabbed a hold of hers and pulled her back to face him

''Blair you are good enough. Do you know why you are here? Why you are a student at Juilliard?-'' she still refused to look up at him and stared at her Manolos ''-it's because you're the best of the best. I see it, everyone else does, why can't you?'' she finally looked up to meet his eyes

''I don't even have a song'' she said lamely searching for excuses. Nate laughed and lightly shook her shoulders

''You're Blair Waldorf, I'm sure there's already a playlist in your head-'' she smiled ''-come on'' he guided her to the entrance

She nervously walked up the stairs but stopped abruptly half way there. She walked back down quickly and leaned in, kissing him softly on the cheek.

Nate's cheeks heated and his heart fluttered. She retrieved back and put her hands on his chest

''Thank you'' she said and went up, closing the doors behind her

* * *

''You are the best of the best….you are the best of the best, you can do it'' she repeated quietly to herself as she kept eye contact with her reflection in the mirror.

''Blair Waldorf, you're up'' a woman came to inform her. Blair's knees went weak, not in a good _Nate Archibald _kind of way.

Just a few more steps and she'll be there. Her future depends on this. What-what if she's not as good as she's supposed to be?

Three more steps

What if the directors laugh at her face and send her home crying?

Two more steps

What if all her dreams will be shattered one more time, and this time she won't be able to recover from it?

One more step.

''Hello-'' put that all behind. You are Blair Waldorf for God's sake, not some soppy fragile little girl ''-my name is Blair Waldorf and I'll be auditioning for the role of Holly''

''Which song will you be singing?''

''Jar of hearts'' she said, her voice already shaky. Stop it, she thought, she can't afford to be weak right now

''And why did you chose that song?'' the woman asked

Blair opened her mouth to speak but closed it right away. Why did she choose it? She had numerous of others on her mind, why that one?

''It speaks to me'' she said simply and hoped they would find her answer satisfying

One of the directors smiled to her slightly and it was all the courage she needed to start

_No, I can't take one more step towards you__  
__'Cause all that's waiting is regret__  
__Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore__  
__You lost the love I loved the most_

Only half way through the song did she realize why she chose it in the first place. It was Nate, it reminded her of him. Of course that was why she chose it. Everything she did in the past year and a half was because of him. It looks like he was finally realizing it too and started repaying back the favor.

_And who do you think you are?__  
__Runnin' 'round leaving scars__  
__Collecting your jar of hearts__  
__And tearing love apart__  
__You're gonna catch a cold__  
__From the ice inside your soul__  
__So don't come back for me__  
__Who do you think you are?_

All of a sudden the lyrics became too strong, too real. The song really was speaking to her, she felt like it was the whole story with her and Nate. She gave him everything, let him in to her heart and he used it. It took her so long to get over him, and when she finally did, he came back and started the whole process anew.

_And it took so long just to feel alright__  
__Remember how to put back the light in my eyes__  
__I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed__  
__'Cause you broke all your promises__  
__And now you're back__  
__You don't get to get me back_

She let out a tear. Nate. The biggest unanswered question in her life. Her mind told her it's insane for her to ever even speak to him again. But her heart, it was so much stronger, it had Nate in it. And maybe, just maybe people do change…and they should get a chance for a new start.

* * *

It has been an hour now, he still waited for her in anticipation. The doors of the theatre opened abruptly, there emerged Blair with a very disappointed look on her angelic features…oh no.

Then out of nowhere she raised her head and broke in to laughter smiling hysterically, rushing down to him

''I GOT THE PART'' she yelled earning strange looks from people passing by and a huge smile from Nate

She basically flew down a flight of stairs and jumped in to his arms

''I told you you can do it-'' he smiled, almost as excited as she was ''-oh I'm so proud of you'' he said and subconsciously kissed the top of her head. Just then both of them realized what they were doing. They pulled apart awkwardly; there was a brief silence till Blair grabbed a hold of his arm

''Come on, there's still a tree we need to find''

The rest of the day went, to say perfect. Blair was still dazzled by the fact that she was going to be in a real Broadway show and Nate was still dazzled by Blair.

Nate was setting up the tree in the living room while Blair was sorting out Christmas decorations she had for the occasion.

''Here, all done-'' he walked over to where she was and stretched out a hand for her to help her of the floor, she graciously took it and looked over the tree

''Oh my God…that's amazing, you actually assembled it'' she smiled ''who knew you're not just pretty to look at'' she teased as he narrowed his eyes at her

He picked up one of the crystal ornaments and handed it to Blair ''Would you like to do the honors?''

''Actually-'' she held up a finger and disappeared in to her room, coming out with a little blue box in hand. ''-I have a Christmas gift for you too…you were so nice to me this days and you made me go to that audition and I got the part thanks to you…so here'' she handed him the box ''Open it'' she said excitedly as he raised a brow. He opened the little box and took out the item.

He laughed immediately. In his hand was a crystal _beer can like _tree ornament.

''You said you wanted to hang beer cans on our tree so I had to make it at least a tad lady appropriate''

''Thank you-'' he said laughing '' I really do love it''

''So I'm passing my honor of hanging the first ornament to you'' she put her arm on his shoulder and smiled. He hung it on and turned to her

''One more thing'' he went to their kitchen and returned with champagne and two glasses. He released the cork as she stepped back

''Nathanial if you break my new Ikea chandelier I will throw these ornaments at you'' she warned him while he laughed.

''Me?-'' he teased ''-I'm a professional''

He opened the bottle with ease and gave her that _I told you so_ look. He pored the champagne in two glasses and handed her one

''To your very first of many Broadway broadcasts and our first Christmas in New York''

''Cheers'' she said as they clanked glasses. This was going to be the best Christmas ever.

* * *

They were sprawled later on, on their white fury carpet, sipping champagne, talking, joking around. It was almost like old times.

''You know I would have never gone to that audition if it weren't for you'' she said as she put her champagne down and fixed herself on her side to face him, they were so close to one another, she was sent to another dimension feeling his warmth, it made her dizzy, she had to redirect her gaze to something else, just looking at his eyes was too emotionally wrecking for her

''I just did what I had to do…Blair you are so amazing-'' he put a lock of her hair behind her ear ''-there's just too much talent within for you to handle, so you hide from yourself…but there's no reason to, 'cause what I see is pretty damn incredible'' he smiled at her and she smiled back finally looking up

''You know all that stuff I said earlier about how sorry I was, was true'' he started, she nodded lightly ''-and not just that…I am so incredibly sorry for everything that I've done the past year'' her heart started beating furiously, tears already forming in the corners of her eyes, everything was going so well, why did he had to bring that up now

''Nate-'' she stopped him ''-today has been….so nice. Don't ruin it'' she begged and shifted her gaze down again

''Blair'' he said gently as he lifted her chin up to meet his eyes, hers were glossy. A tear cascaded down her porcelain cheek. Nate leaned lightly and kissed the tear away.

Her eyes suddenly felt so heavy, her eyelashes fluttered close and she let herself enjoy the high he was sending her too. She felt his hot breath on her skin as he ran his nose along with hers. One agonizingly long second that felt like eternity after, his soft full lips gently brushed against hers, his hand running along her side.

It took him a painful year to finally do this again, her lips still tasted like heaven.

* * *

To be continued

* * *

Here you go, you see reviewing really does pay off :DD Till the next chapter, I hope you all have a Nairy little Christmas yourselves. Xo L


	23. That's exactly what I wanted to hear

Sorry it kind of took a while to update, this was a very very challenging chapter to write, but I think you'll be very satisfied and it was worth waiting ;)) don't forget to review, the more reviews I get, the faster it makes me update. Enjoy your long awaited chapter.

I do not own any characters or songs used, just the ideas.

This chapter is more of a Nate POV

* * *

It took her a while to get out of her daze and realize what was happening. She didn't want this moment to end, this bliss she was feeling…it was all too good to be true.

His heart was beating so hard he knew she could hear it. He glided his palm lazily across her cheek and molded his hands it in to her soft hair.

But of course perfect moments like this one had an expiration date; unfortunately for them this one has just expired. Nate felt her stiffening under his body and her hand pushing violently against his chest until she finally pushed him off of her.

She got up in an instant and took a few steps back, wearing a frightened look on her face. Nate's eyes widened at her gesture. Why would she push him away like that? He got up and stepped towards her but she started shaking her head and breathing heavily

''No Nate-'' she spat at him ''-you cannot do this to me, no'' she yelled hysterically

''Blair'' he reached for her but she pushed him away one more time

''I-I can't'' she whispered. Her eyes were of course tearing up. She was furious with herself for even letting it go so far. Why couldn't she for once not break down in front of him like a weak little girl?

''You can't what-?'' he raised his voice. He just couldn't help it; this whole thing was so fucking frustrating. He needed answers

''-I can't let you draw me back in to your pit of lies and sweet talks Nate'' she cried, his heart once again broke at the sight of her.

''This is not sweet talk Blair-'' he yelled back trying to convince her, trying to show her how much he really cares, he knew there was only one way he could tell her for sure

''-Then what is it?'' she screamed and the room went silent. What was it really? He never sorted out his feelings…no, he was afraid to do it. He always was a fucking coward…a complete mess up. His father made it clear a lot of times, only now Nate was starting to see it.

She let out a sigh and turned her back on him, storming out. She stopped abruptly when she reached the door but still didn't turn around. Nate held his breath ah he heard her speak. Something inside him died

''I knew you'd never change'' she said and smashed the door after her

And if it were any other day, this would be it. He would let her go once more and he would continue to live this miserable awful life that would be no near to the one he could've had with her. But today was not that day and he wouldn't let her go without hearing what he had to say. And this time if it had to end with someone walking off, it would be him.

He ran as fast as he was physically able, the snow already getting his shirt wet.

''You can't just leave like that'' she heard his voice in the close distance. She froze in place.

''Excuse me'' she turned around hissing

''You can call me a loser…a playboy…a man whore, sure whatever you want. But you cannot walk away from me once more. Blair we can't keep on doing this. Constantly fighting and not talking about it, pretending like we don't care, pretending like we're fine. We are not. Stop running away from reality…from problems-'' he stepped closer ''-stop running away from me''

Her lips were sealed, her tears slow. She watched him once more speechless.

''How can't you understand-'' it's now or never ''-I need to run away from you-''

''Why-'' he yelled, too frustrated and angry for this talk

''-Because I love you, you moron'' she yelled back. Here once again she was making a fool out of herself. This all felt too familiar but there was no going back now ''-I love you so much I can't stand it. And I hate all this feeling that build up inside me every fucking time you spare me a look. You make me feel like a weak little girl who's trapped in this never ending circle of emotional violence and hurt''

He stepped closer once more and cupped her face ''Blair I-'' he whispered, caressing the soft porcelain skin of this girl who gave her everything to him. She finally looked up and smashed his hand away with all the strength she could muster

''I told you I loved you and you said that it was awful, you let me go, you didn't even fight for us'' she yelled ''-what else do you want from me? You want to humiliate me again? Go ahead, now you know how I feel, now you know I am still that same old naïve Blair, who is so pathetically in love with a guy who treats her like a toy, but still, she would let him crush her over and over again. What do you have to say on that Nate?''

There was not a brief moment of silence; his voice cut the air between them

''I love you-'' he said quietly and watched as her pupils dilated and her lips parted. There was so much building up inside of her. Happiness, love, anger, confusion, shock, love…love. ''-and you don't let me do it properly''

''And whatever do you expect from me now? You want to know how I feel? Fine-'' he spat while she stood there speechless

''-Ever since that damned day we met I knew how I felt….I knew I loved you. I was just too big of a fucking coward to admit it to you. But even without that you were hurting too much next to me Blair, it became too much of a pressure 'cause you are the first person ever that made me feel that way. It scared me. So being the biggest fuckup ever, when you told me how you felt for me, even though I knew I felt the same way I turned my back on you. And yes ever since that you're all I think about, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't breathe-'' he shook his head, disappointed at himself ''-knowing what I had and what I've lost because of my stupid mistakes makes me want to die. I love you so much it's literally killing me-'' he stopped talking and looked up in to her eyes taking a few steps back ''Is that what you wanted to hear?'' he yelled in agony

Blair closed her eyes tightly trying to stop the flood of emotions sliding off her eyes. She looked up at him, her face fierce

''That's exactly what I wanted to hear'' she said almost harshly, but there was more love hiding behind that icy façade than harshness

Nate nodded silently, admitting his defeat

''You can walk away from me now'' he said silently and looked down to the thick grey pavement

She did walk, only it was towards him. He didn't even realize it until he felt her gentle arms around his neck. He slowly raised his head up only to be confronted with her glossy hazel oceans of passion

''I think it's time for me to move forward now'' she whispered against his lips, feverishly kissing him a moment after that.

* * *

_What you've been waiting for, Nair smut, the next part is M rated so beware ;)_

* * *

Somehow they managed to drag themselves up to their apartment again. Everything was so surreal. Nate was just waiting for reality to kick in and wake him up from this fantasy.

His hands found their way around her perfect little figure and lifted her up in one swift motion, not heading towards the bed yet.

He put her on their kitchen counter and let his arms roam all over her back, brushing against the zipper of her dress, teasing her that further.

He finally found the strength to pull his lips apart from hers and moved on to her jaw line. Her grip on his hair tightened when he hit her soft spot. She purred slightly in his ear, making him that more eager to make her do it again and again.

His hands continued to roam over her tights, lifting her dress up a bit, just to tease himself. His soft lips moved on to her neck and she couldn't keep it in any longer. She moaned his name loudly, gripping his hair tighter, pressing her body tightly against his one.

She took the opportunity and started undoing his shirt. She pushed it off his shoulders quickly after, wanting so much more of him. She let her hands slowly roam over his hot skin, enjoying the feel of it all…feeling his muscles react to her touch, tensing, coming alive under her delicate fingertips.

His chiseled arms were suddenly under her again, carrying her towards his bed. He laid her down gently and landed on top of her, his arms pinning her ones just above her head. His lips were kissing hers feverishly, making up for all the lost time.

He let his hands wander and explore her perfect curves. He has never had a more beautiful lover in his life.

Until this very moment everything was happening so fast, it was all hot and heavy, kind of rushed, but the second he had her pinned under him he felt the urge to slow down. It was their first time together like this…so intimate, he wanted it to be memorable, for her to memorize the electricity between them, coming out whenever their bodies touched, every kiss they shared, every longing gaze.

Blair had her arms around his strong torso, holding to him for dear life. Her dress was soon off, along with her bra, and that was all she ever wanted, his skin against hers, no barriers.

They both relished the feeling of being so close and just stared in to each other's eyes.

''I love you Blair'' he whispered sweetly to her, the words never sounded more right. She gently pushed a few strays of his golden hair out of his eyes and let him kiss her, returning back with everything she had.

''I love you too'' she whispered

Soon Nate's warm lips on her neck were all she could feel. Unable to wait any longer he brought his fingers down to her center and rubbed her teasingly above her silky panties

''Aaahhh Nate'' she moaned loudly, only his faintest touch was already doing this to her.

He slid down her body, slowly as he went, stopping to kiss between her breast and her navel, finally reaching his destination. He bit in to her inner tight making her shiver under him, his hands left her sides and slid her now thoughtfully soaked panties off.

He retrieved back and gave her one more longing look before working his magic on her. Blair grabbed his hair as tightly as she could, already loosing it as his tongue invaded her. Blair was in heaven, why did they wait so long to do this again? He quickened his strokes as he sensed her tensing, she was alarmingly close to coming. One last stroke and she was done. Their apartment was filled with moans and whimpers of pleasure as she came beneath him.

He slowly dragged himself up to meet her awaiting lips. Their kisses got more heated by the second, she couldn't wait any longer, she needed him so desperately.

She urged him on his back so her slick body was now on top of him. Nate was to say taken aback by her gestures but more than pleased.

There was no time to be wasted now, her delicate fingers found their way to his belt and unbuckled it in one quick motion, she slid one of her hands down his zipper, eliciting a deep groan from the back of Nate's throat.

His pants were unzipped in no time and he couldn't be more thankful, he was so hard right now the pressure between his manhood and his pants was literally painful.

It was her turn to tease him now, so she dropped her hand down and stroked his length trough his boxers, driving him insane. She placed a few longing kisses along his defined jaw line and traced it with her free hand.

''I want you-'' she whispered near his ear breathlessly as she was sliding off his boxers, he sure was endowed in every possible way, oh Blair was already losing it alright ''-now''

Nate kissed her lips hungrily and positioned himself above her. He never broke contact with her beautiful hazel eyes as he entered her with his full length.

They both moaned loudly as action took place. Finally being with each other like this for real was even better than they both imagined it would be.

They held on to each other like a life line, moving in sync. Her moans were like a song to him, he wanted to hear it over and over again. He could feel her getting close so he lifted her hips a bit, making more momentum for himself.

''I'm so close baby'' he whispered sensing his arrival to come

''Yeah'' she murmured against his lips and dug her nails deep in to his back muscles, feeling so close to that overcoming bliss.

With one more forceful move it did it.

''Ohhhh Naaaate-'' she basically screamed, the pleasure embracing her ''-God yeees''

She continued trusting her hips against his ones slowly, riding out their mutual orgasm.

By the time he managed to pull out of her, Nate never felt more exhausted in his life; it was like every atom of strength in his body was drenched out. His weight on his arms became all too heavy to handle so he let himself collapse on top of her, still careful not to hurt her wonderful glowing body.

He buried his head deep in the crook of her neck, nuzzling the soft exposed flesh there, giving her a soft kiss now and then; her own hands were tangled in his rich golden hair, trying to contemplate whether this has really happened or she was still musing.

'Best Christmas ever for sure' he thought to himself, he no longer felt useless or out of place, he was right where he needed to be, in her arms.

* * *

_To be continued_

* * *

Woo hoo, so I finally did it :D I hope this was worth waiting all this chapters and I hope you enjoyed it. It's still not done though ;)) also I've been asked about what happens when this story finishes, don't worry I already have a few chapters of the new story prepared, and I'm thinking that one'll be all smut, but more on that later. So yeah, I have no intentions at all to stop writing Nair, as long as there are people reading it. Don't forget to review, follow, favorite xo Laura


	24. That's exactly why we work out

I am so sincerely sorry there's been no update for a while, ugh, I've gotten so lazy these days :D it won't happen again, I hope, as a matter of fact my new year's resolution was to write more and better to keep my page alive. Thanks for all the reviews and of course keep 'em coming.

Also, I've been working on some other Nair stories of mine and even a few one shoots, I'll post them all when it'll be time for it. Right now I have to concentrate on wrapping up this lovely story.

I don't own any characters or songs used, just the ideas

Song: Perfect now

* * *

''Oh God, tell me again why did we wait so long to do this'' she said trying to catch her breath. She made herself stabile on her elbows and looked down at his own panting figure

''I don't know that, but I know it was totally worth it'' he said and ran his hands trough his hair

''Yeah-'' she laid next to him and felt herself easily mold into his embrace ''-I missed you insanely''

She whispered against the soft skin of his neck. He kissed the top of her head and pulled her even closer

''I missed you too Blair, I promise I'll never let us get that distant ever again'' he promised and she felt peaceful in his arms. Maybe, just maybe this time really will be different. Who knows what's waiting for them in the future. They loved each other, and that was all that mattered right this instant. It's all that'll matter ever.

Nate felt her eyelids flutter as she fell blissfully asleep. He pulled the covers up over them and kissed her shoulder gently.

''Goodnight sweetheart'' he whispered. His eyes started to feel heavy again, he was suddenly feeling very post sex tired.

* * *

Blair lazily stretched her arms, almost forgetting she wasn't alone in the bed, almost. Her right arm brushed against something warm. She opened her eyes to found herself staring at the most adorable sight ever, seriously he was beautiful even when he was sleeping, could he be any more perfect? And he was all hers…

_Everything is perfect now_  
_I don't want to make a movement_  
_I'm too scared to breathe; I might do something wrong_  
_As you're sleeping silently_  
_Perfect beauty layed before me_  
_I feel every second is a life time long_

_Here's a place I've been before_  
_A place some say I should go more_  
_But every journey just leads me too far away_  
_When I just wanted to stay_  
_I just wanted to stay_

_So that's why I won't wake you where you lie_  
_If I could now I'd freeze time_  
_I can't find forever in your eyes_  
_I should leave you while they're dry_

She left the bed cautiously, careful not to wake him up. The heating was off, so the whole apartment felt too chilly for her. She went over to his closet to grab the first hoodie that looked warm. She pulled it out and accidentally dropped some other clothes. She picked them up and started putting it all back when she spotted a white envelope.

She pulled the hoodie over herself, took the envelope and left the room. Yes it was totally unlady like and nosy to go through his stuff while he was asleep, but this was Blair, she had to. Besides they were together now, everything his was hers, or so she read in Cosmo. Whatever.

She opened the envelope and found two papers inside, no not just papers, Juilliard applications. One for Nate and one for-

Nate woke up happy for once. Things were finally the way they were supposed to be. Just him and Blair. There was no one in their way. Serena, his father, that hipster what's his name…aah Dan, yeah him, even Liam…they were all gone and Nate and Blair were left to be.

The other side of her bed was empty so he figured she was in the kitchen sipping coffee right now, like she always does early in the morning. He grabbed some pants and walked out of the room.

The sight in front of him was not exactly what he was expecting. She was sitting at the counter, serious to her core, staring at a piece of paper

''Blair-'' he said quietly, not to startle her ''-what's wrong''

She turned around hearing his voice. She was still out of herself. Her emotions once again swirling and swirling and swirling.

She held up the application and looked at him ''What is this?'' she practically whispered

He parted his lips to speak but there was no sound coming out, he didn't know how to explain. And how do you explain that you applied your then ex girlfriend to a school she wanted to go to but was too scared and insecure, and then you've kept it a secret and never told her it was you?

''You would have never done it yourself'' he said simply

''What's that supposed to mean?'' she asked, her tone sounding hurt. This only proves he was still looking at her like she was an insecure little girl

''Come on Blair. You were ready to spend 4 years at a school you don't even want to go to and denied you were ready for Juilliard until you got the goddamn letter. You were too scared to do it so I applied for you because even then I knew you were more than good enough. Why can't you just admit to yourself that you were afraid'' he said straight ahead

She blinked once, she was dumb founded in front of him

''I am not afraid of anything'' she said fiercely and pressed her teeth together trying to suppress tears she was always shedding.

She stood up from her seat abruptly and passed him, putting on her coat

''Where are you going?'' he asked her going after her, she was not running away again, was she?

''I need some air'' she said and opened the door

''Blair-'' he tried to stop her but she pushed him away slightly by pressing her hand against his chest

''Nate, I just need to think, okay? Don't go after me…we're good'' she said and left

''no we're not'' he mumbled but it was too late, she was already out. Son of a bitch. Universe really wasn't on their side

* * *

''I told you not to go after me'' she said quietly and continued staring nowhere in particular

He dragged himself over to her and sat on the bench next to her, staring at the far distance, also nowhere.

''When have I ever listened to you'' he said and smiled poorly, despite herself she smiled back

''You were right, like you always are-'' she said kind of sadly ''-I-I am afraid, I always was-'' she turned to look at him, a tear left her eyes ''-and it pains me to death to say this, but that's why we will never work-''

''-Blair-'' he cut her off right away, was this payback? Was it her getting back at him for torturing her back then?

''-no, listen to me. I love you-'' she said and looked at him,taking his hands in her own ''-but I can't let you get me out of trouble or do the things I'm too scared to do all the time for me. I need to figure this out on my own. I just want you to be happy…and that won't happen with me'' she wanted to get up and leave but he caught her by her hand

''No-'' he said firmly and pulled her closer ''-now you listen to me. Me saving your skinny little ass is exactly why we work out-'' she laughed at his explanation of the situation they were in ''-But you've got to understand you do this for me too. Remember last year when you stood by me trough my struggle with Vicodin and my dad? I would have never made it without you-'' he put a curl of her mocha hair behind her ear ''-I love you for it, that'll never change''

She smiled and looked at his baby blues, he made everything so simple, so bearable. By that standards there really was nothing standing in their way, nothing but her nonsense musings.

''If you say so'' she said and let him kiss her

''Damn straight'' he said, both of them laughing again

''You know that was the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me, aaaand that means you'll have to come up with something even better to impress me now'' she teased

''Well in that case I should've just let you go to NYU'' he teased back

''Hey'' she elbowed his ribs ''I don't think I would appreciate ironic facial hair and sandals'' she scrunched up her nose. He laughed at his adorable love and kissed her lightly

''Yeah you're right, there's no way you could pull of the goatee''

''Shut up'' she giggled

''I love you too honey'' he said sweetly and took her hand

''Let's go home'' he said and smiled to her. She smiled back and nodded, she was never happier in her life.

If someone told her two years ago she would be living in the greatest city in the world, attending Juilliard, doing shows on Broadway and most importantly meet the love of her life, she would call them crazy. Now it was all true. She only had one person to thank. She would never let him go, just like he said, never again.

* * *

So that would be it for this story. I hope I gave you a satisfying ending. I regret nothing :DD don't be disappointed though, my new stories are coming this very week, I'm not sure if I'll post the one shot or the story first (little teaser: it's most likely a friends with benefits kind of story), but either way, it's coming these days, make sure to check it out xo Laura


End file.
